Monday, September 3, 2007

Here I Am! Stalk Me Like A Hurricane!

The above title is to remind you of one of the Wickedest Metal bands:
Scorpions Rock You Like A Hurricane.

So...

I got an e-mail from someone proclaiming themselves to be my stalker for the next 4-6 weeks.

I'm hoping to be able to keep coming up with new and crazy ways to keep that person interested for at least a year...

I've always wanted my own stalker! [weeping delicately into a hankie]

Please see the questions this person sent me.

1. Do your friends call you Bee or Bianca
1) Everyone calls me Bee (except for like 5 people and they are all co-workers)
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2. did you look at details magazine yet
2) I asked husband Andy on Sunday to get it for me but he claims he couldn't find it... I think he was intimidated because it was said to be a men's gay mag.
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3. are you LDS
3) First I didn't know what "LDS" was, I thought it was lactose intolerant but then realized it wasn't. Then I thought it was lazy but too many letters so... I went to my friend Google and finally got it! No (although I do listen to their choir every Sunday), I am currently going thru creator turmoil.
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4. do you ever flick boogers off your fingers and don't even care where they land
4) No, that would be very inconsiderate of me!

I choose to pick (no pun intended) a target, aim and then shoot. Not to brag but I'm 100 out of 100.
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5. what type books do you read
5) I am a book whore. Any book given to me or suggested to me or that looks pretty at the store I will read (except Harry Potter I am, after all, a rebel!)
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6. do you ever have insomnia
6) ALL THE FREAKIN TIME!
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7. do you think I'm spoiled
7) Well you do smell kinda funny... I just thought it was your perfume!
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8. what does your hair look like
8) Long, curly silky luscious locks, a deep melted chocolate brown with the fragrance of sweet lilacs (hey! maybe I should post on that lesbian site).
My next dye job will be black with maroon highlights.


9. have you ever worn sequins?
9) Only on Turkey day.
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10. do you like the Shrek movies
10) Why yes I do! He has allot of my attributes!
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Now, I don't know what kinda crazy personality test this is but I hope I pass the "yes, she's psycho!" test with flying colors!

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*Side note:
I always wear my hair up but on those rare occasions when I don't have time to put it up because I'm running late for work (almost every day) I'll leave it down and just put it up at work. Is it weird that all the bats come and stand behind me to smell my hair and touch it?
Yeah, I think it's weird too...
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P.S.

To my stalker:

If you would like a lock of this hair, just knock on your bedroom window 3 times and jump sideways while touching your nose.

I'll be able to see you...

17 comments:

  1. some stalker, she didn't even ask if you fart aloud or try to stifle. that is the mark of a true stalker....well?? do you?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I wish I hadn't been eating whilst reading this - you almost put me off my food! I have a fairly strong stomach (apart from medical gore), but lilly fragranced chocolate doesn't quite go with curry...

    ReplyDelete
  3. or even lilac fragranced chocolate.

    I'm almost tempted to type "gay lesbian whore psycho stalker" into Google and see if this page comes up ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. jean knee:
    STIFLE STIFLE! :op

    ReplyDelete
  5. brian:
    lilly/lilacs they all smell the same...

    You mean you've never had chocolate covered lilacs?? They are sooooo good!
    Let me know what they say to you when you ask for them at your local candy store.

    ReplyDelete
  6. brian:
    Because I like to do research for my readers, I'm happy to report that typing those words into google does bring up my blog. It's not until page 5 so I'm gonna try my hardest to make it to page one...
    Let me just come up with an plan on how I can achieve this.

    *It comes up in the middle of:

    "Idol ChatterThis week Jason explains why Tyrant Banks is a money grubbing whore and Derek explains democracy! Itâs our one year anniversary yâall! Plus Derekâs stalker ...
    www.podcastpickle.com/cast/12955"

    and

    "well, i used to stand for something I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS. I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape. ... I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore. ...
    bugbyte.livejournal.com/data/rss"

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, by the way, sorry about the eating thing, if I ever post my picture I'll warn everybody ahead of time. Otherwise it'll keep you from food for a whole month!

    ReplyDelete
  8. your own stalker!! When did this happen? I feel I missed something :(

    ReplyDelete
  9. So, WRT question 1, does anyone call you "Poison Ivy", and, if so, do you prefer "Poison" or "Ms. Ivy"?

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think you should give us the lesbian page web address. stop torturing us...

    btw, you have beautiful hair!!! didn't realize it was that long. I don't think i had ever seen it..

    ReplyDelete
  11. duckman:
    that reminds of the Janet jackson song "Its janet... ms. jackson if youre nasty"
    They can call me POISON IVY for short! ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Esmeralda:
    You are now a married woman! Never mind about lesbians! :o)


    RE: My hair
    I always have it up... THANKS!
    When are we gonna go do the dye job?

    ReplyDelete
  13. I hope jean knee is trying to two time me....she's MY stalker. I saw her first, BEE-yotch!

    You have shampoo commercial hair! I grow mine out and then donate it to Locks Of Love. It's pretty long right now. So, naturally I play video vixen and set up all our living room fans to blow on me so I can move in these exaggerated poses and flip my hair around everywhere like I'm in a freakin wind tunnel. My kids about die laughing. Thats what you do for entertainment when you B Po like us.

    ReplyDelete
  14. RE: jean knee
    Come on now, there’s enough of jean knee to go around.
    We’s civilized folk ain’t that righ?

    Anyway, that’s an awesome thing you do regarding your hair!
    I wish I had that strength…

    ReplyDelete
  15. They can call me POISON IVY for short! - Bee

    In Joseph Heller's book Something Happened there is a character named Virginia or, as she says, "Virgin for short, but not for long." (To imagine what it sounds like, she's a New Yorker.)

    ReplyDelete
  16. duckman:
    You do realize that now I'm going to have to buy that book right?

    ReplyDelete
  17. You did realize that I should have written that I hope jean knee ISN'T two-timing me, right?

    ABBA should sing about me...."I am the TYPO QUEEN, fierce and mean on the tambourine......"

    ReplyDelete

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.