Tuesday, September 4, 2007

My Inner Child Criticized By a 4 Year Old

So...
We took advantage of our day off yesterday and went to visit our friend in the hospital. Since her immune system is non existent at the moment, she could only see my niece thru a window on her door. The rest of the time my sister and niece were in the cafeteria.
After about an hour, I came out and told my sister I'd watch Natalia while she visited our friend.
I sat next to my niece and said,

Cool Tia Bee:
Do you want me to color with you shoogie boogie? (I call her "shoogie boogie" because her parents made me stop calling her "sugar booger"...?)
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She picked a little boy and a little girl in the snow and said we should color them together.
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Natalia:
Here, this one seems easy. You can help me with this one.
-
Cool Tia Bee:
What does that mean? That I don't know how to color?
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Natalia:
No, it means you never finish coloring the pages you start then I have to go back to re-do them.
-
At 4 she sounds like her mother and my mother!
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Cool Tia Bee:
Which one should I color?
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Natalia:
You color the boy because the girl has long hair.
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Cool Tia Bee:
Why would that make a difference?
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Natalia:
Okay you color the boy because I want to color the girl.
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Cool Tia Bee:
Fine.
-
[I start coloring the boys hair]
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Natalia:
Why are you coloring his hair yellow?
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Cool Tia Bee:
Uh... because I want to.
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Natalia:
You should use your imagination and try other colors.
-
[In the meantime the little girls hair is now blue.]

-
Natalia:
Why are you putting lipstick on the little boy?
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Cool Tia Bee:
I'm not. His lips are red it's cold outside.
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Natalia:
No, it looks like he has lipstick on. Maybe you should check with me before you color anything else.
-
Cool Tia Bee:
You told me to use my imagination.
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Natalia:
Yes but you don't want to make the little boy look like a little girl do you?
-
Cool Tia Bee:
Well the little girl shouldn't be wearing lipstick either. She's too young.
-
Natalia:
Have you heard of cherry flavored chapstick?
-
Cool Tia Bee: [Not wanting to argue anymore since I've never won an argument with her.]
Okay, what color do you want me to color his pants?
-
Natalia:
Orange.
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Cool Tia Bee:
Orange? Who wears orange pants?
-
Natalia:
The little boy does.
-
Cool Tia Bee:
But they'll make fun of him at school.
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Natalia:
He's not in school he's on vacation.
-
Cool Tia Bee:
But the little girl will say, 'hey silly! why are you wearing orange pants in the snow?'
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Natlia:
She won't say anything like that, she's nice!
-
[*side note she once told her mom "finger", her pretend friend, thought Tia Bee was rude... I really don't know where she came to that conclusion!]
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We continue to color in silence until it's time to pick the colors of the scarf.
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Cool Tia Bee:
What color do you want the scarf boss?
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Natalia:
Do you know how to alternate colors?
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Cool Tia Bee:
ALTERNATE? Where did you learn that word?
-
Natalia: [sighs]
I don't know, maybe Pinky Dinky Doo.
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Cool Tia Bee:
Oh. Yes, I do. What colors do you want me to alternate?
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Natalia:
Blue and green but don't just use any blue and green let me give you the right ones. We want them to match.
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Cool Tia Bee:
You do realize he has orange pants on right? What matches orange pants?
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Natalia:
When we finish coloring you'll see how it matches.
-
[Since I'm a great order taker, I do as I'm told]
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Cool Tia Bee:
What color do you want his jacket?
-
Natalia:
Red.
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[I take a red crayon and start coloring]
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Natalia:
His jacket looks pink Tia Bee!
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Cool Tia Bee:
The crayon clearly says red... look.
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Natalia:
Did you know there are different types of red? Use this color red to fix it!
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Cool Tia Bee:
Fine.
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Natalia:
I'm just going to hand you the colors you should use, okay?
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Cool Tia Bee:
Yes ma'am!
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Natalia:
Are you mad at me?
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Cool Tia Bee:
No.
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Natalia:
Don't be mad at me, I'm just trying to help you.
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Cool Tia Bee:
I'm not mad. I just want to do a good job.
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Natalia:
You'll do fine.
-
When they came to get us so we could go home she said,
-
'Good! I'm exhausted!'
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You read that right! I exhausted a four year old!

...

When we finished I had to agree, the colors do look good! As a matter fact I'll be buying a pair of orange pants this weekend!



P.S.

I realize they are holding a pink snowball and a green snowball. If you don't like this color scheme send your complaints to my boss...

85 comments:

  1. my Lean does the same thing. begs you to color then has to choose how you do it. now I just hold out my hand before we ever begin- I'm a ffast learner like that

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  2. LMAO!!! That's MY BABY!!!!

    I just got back from taking her to the doctor. The doctor of course has some questions and Ms. Thing (Because she KNOWS everything) was answering. One of the questions was:

    "Does she ever get out of breath when she is playing? Or feels like she needs to stop and take a break?"

    As I started answering she interrupted and said "Sometimes I need to take a rest when I'm doing stuff".

    The Doctor of course was concerned and asked her how she felt?

    Natalia was trying to explain… I totally knew where she was going and I asked her: “Is it mostly when I ask you to clean up?”

    She gave me that “Oops, looks like I’m caught smile” then kinda laughed and said “Yeah”.

    The doctor was no longer worried...

    She is waaaaaaaay toooooo smart for her age!

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  3. jean knee:
    Yeah, she gives me this look and tone that say "I'll talk real slow so that you can understand what I'm saying."

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  4. Nancy:
    Sometimes I think people don't believe me when I tell Natalia stories...!

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  5. They are true... Every single one of them is true...

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  6. ROFL.


    That is just tooo hilarious.

    At least you know she's got a good head on her shoulders. Ain't no one giving that little girl crap in Kindergarten! ;-)

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  7. Your niece cracks me up..................keep working on that vocabulary with her...........she'd doing great!

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  8. Okay that was hilarious. For the record I think that my daughter would have done the same thing to you I believe that I have had similar conversations with her...good luck!

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  9. The youth of today (sigh) - I blame the parents ;-)

    The colouring looks very neat. I used to get told off for going over the lines.

    The story about the doctor reminds me when Helena was 4 and had slap cheek (actually a rash on her arm), and I took her to the doctor. When she rolled up her sleeves, I was amazed to see that the arm without the rash had a tubigrip on it (an elastic plaster thingy), which she must have found lying around the house somewhere, leading the doctor to ask about how she injured it, which she thought was hilarious...

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  10. Your niece would drive me NUTS!!! I am tooooo old!!!
    You have a lot of patience...

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  11. Chris:
    Yup! She doesn’t take it from anyone!

    Anonymous:
    Yeah, she is hilarious!

    Mrs. Jo:
    Good luck is right but it should be directed to her parents cuz this lucky aunt can just hide in her home! :op

    brian:
    Yeah, I think I did a pretty good job… oh did you mean her? Sorry I’m used to things being all about me!
    Just kidding! :o)

    RE: Doctors visits
    Maybe it’s the age they become smarter than certain grown ups…

    BY THE WAY:
    I was just at WI and now I need to know what happened with the nuns and the Vaseline!!!! You better come up with a good joke cuz now I can’t stop laughing!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Second Anonymous:
    Um... did you just say my niece would drive you nuts?

    Naw... you din't mean that in a bad way right? You meant that in a "wow! she is so cute and cuddly where can we clone 20 like her" kind of way right?

    Cuz you should know 2 things about me.
    Number 1:
    I'm prone to psycotic outbursts
    Number 2:
    See number one

    ReplyDelete
  13. Let me rephrase…

    “Your niece would drive me nuts because I would not know what to say to her and let’s be honest she is smarter than me”.

    Second Anonymous

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  14. SECOND ANONYMOUS:
    NOW YOU AND I CAN BE FRIENDS! :o)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Re Nuns: Actually the one I had in mind involved two nuns and a different lubricant (soap). However:

    1. I'm hopeless at telling jokes

    2. It relies on a pun that only works with certain types of pronounciation (I couldn't do it).

    3. It's rather subtle, and I'm even more hopeless with subtle jokes.

    4. It would be better told by and amongst women, I suspect.

    5. I didn't think it was particularly funny (see 4 above).

    ReplyDelete
  16. brian:
    Okay.




    That is the shortest response I have left for anyone!

    Usually I have to go on and on and on!

    Ha Ha! I crack myself up!

    ReplyDelete
  17. brian:
    Why are you always trying to steal my thunder???

    By the way I so don't think it's fair you're always one of the top 3 defining funny dudes @ WI!

    I think it's rigged.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Re Thunder: I like to think I give as good as I get, but at least I'm not a last word freak ;-)

    WI: Sometimes I go for weeks without being nominated, and I hardly ever win the vote. I do seem to have had a few recently, though.

    Last time I looked I was losing the sciagraphy vote (you'll be pleased to hear - In fact, only one person has voted for me and it's not me). I didn't really like any of the definitions. Lorenzo's was best, the Indian's was the whackiest, and yours was the only one to interpret "graphy" in the sense of measuring, which was impressive, but I suspect that the "football" reference might have been lost on a non American - I didn't get it. Here the only brain test that your average footballer would pass would be one that gave a flatline...

    ReplyDelete
  19. brian:
    ::sigh::
    Is a joke funny when you have to explain it? No.
    My definition for "sciagraphy" was tongue in cheek since we joke that to be a Jock (any type of athlete) you don't have to be smart. Which is exactly the point you just made regarding the flatline comment.

    [Sports nuts do not send me e-mails because I will post them on this blog... actually go ahead and send them since I like mocking people.]

    Anyway!

    Yes, I do have to have the last word at all times. Remember, we have a 6 hour difference so my last comment can be at 11:00 P.M. and...

    I'll win!

    Go Bee! Go Bee!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Re Jocks: Oh, okay - I'd assumed it would have been something cleverer than that...

    Re 6 hours: I don't always sleep well, so can be up at any time, so all bets are off!

    Re winning: If it matters that much to you, then I'm very happy for you...

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  21. uhhhm bee, you're gonna have to limit Brian to only two comments per post.
    the outrage!!

    dang, is outrage one or two words?

    ReplyDelete
  22. how come you've never had a post about bacon?

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  23. Lean left her lunch box at school today. Do you think they'll use corporal punishment for this offensive behavior?

    The out rage!!!


    I guess its one word

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  24. BRIAN!:
    :oO
    shocked face...
    I refuse to read that word as "cleverer" it says "cleaverer" as in meat "CLEAVER"...
    Why would you say “cleaverer than that”? What does that mean?

    Well, I just re-wrote the rules (yes, there are rules and if you ask my family they'll tell you I always cheat). To win, the last comment must be posted at 11:59 PM CENTRAL TIME today.
    Yup sorry, no can win.
    Point at the girl with the obsessive personality.

    jean knee:
    My goal is to have 60 comments. And the last time I checked you had posted like 10 comments talking about VAGINAS...

    Don't be jealous jean knee you can post as much as you want too. :o)

    ReplyDelete
  25. jean knee:
    they won't do anything to your daughter they'll beat up her mom!

    Hey, can I go work at her school, I haven't wooped anyone in forever...

    ReplyDelete
  26. I see you rescued your garden area from the rain, looks just the same as it did before. wait what's that sewer smell?
    nevermind

    is never mind one word or two words?

    ReplyDelete
  27. jean knee:
    Kevin Bacon?
    I loved him in Footloose.

    ReplyDelete
  28. yeah who's shivering now huh?
    (brian)

    shick, is brian one word or two?

    ReplyDelete
  29. he was hawt in foot loose baby.

    is footloose one word or two?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Do you really think they might spank me (laughing like Beavis and butthead) oh lucky day

    the outrage!!!!

    , one word or two?

    ReplyDelete
  31. jean knee:
    Since it sounds like you might like it they might just take your car instead!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Dang, I gotta go do stuff. the fam is always demanding to be fed and talked to. it is a never ending thing with them.


    the outrage!!!

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  33. Are you guys all at work?

    .......

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  34. JK: What I've been wondering for some time is: Is Jean Knee one word or two? I mean, do friends get to call you Jean (or Knee)?

    ReplyDelete
  35. Kindergarten Stalag 3: I'm surprised they let the inmates (sorry I mean children) take in food - haven't they heard about the old skeleton keys in the cake trick???

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  36. 60 comments? It could be a long night.

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  37. Andy: some of us are taking advantage of the time difference, finished doing anything vaguely useful about 6 hours ago, and are about to go to bed...

    OK, that's at least 40 comments, plus at least one "last word". I give up...

    ReplyDelete
  38. Yes! I win!!!!

    victory dance! having a beer!

    ReplyDelete
  39. I recall a mention of asking the family of rules......

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  40. Don't even bother they all make them up as they go along. Yet they don't cheat. Go Figure!


    M

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  41. M:
    Yeah I forgot you had my bro over in your neck of the woods! Yiuup! We never cheat cuz the rules are ours!

    ReplyDelete
  42. I should rephrase, I am the cheater of the familia...

    Everybody else follows the rules!WEIRD!

    ReplyDelete
  43. In the game a life, the loser will always call the winner a cheater or a rule bender.... the winner will always call the loser a "sore loser".... I guess the question is, which would you rather be? Or maybe, just maybe we could lose and win with dignity...

    For the record, I'm still undefeated.... I like winning, je, je, je.... sorry.

    SprmanTattoo

    ReplyDelete
  44. SprmanTattoo:
    You are undefeated cuz you never play against me! I like to win so I cheat.
    Bee

    ReplyDelete
  45. By the way "SprmanTattoo" is my little brother.

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  46. Beer??

    I'm having Amaretto with OJ

    ReplyDelete
  47. WTF! I want some of that! U
    h... actually I'm already loopy on my beer so maybe not.
    Anyway, hey Nancy do you cheat?

    ReplyDelete
  48. I can take you some... Wait... I can't drink and drive...
    (By the way, the baby is at grandma's)

    "Do I cheat?" HECK YEAH! When Bee's not looking...

    ReplyDelete
  49. Ok... The Big Texan is Home.. Got to go feed him! :)

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  50. Bee, it will have to be your cheating against my honesty and awesome luck... we shall see who wins the battle....

    Where shall we begin? Arm wrestling, RPS, a good ole game of scrabble, monopoly?

    ReplyDelete
  51. Lil' Bro! I'll beat ya at arm wrestling! ;op

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  52. No cheating needed! Unless you give me points cuz I'm a little tiny girl...

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  53. Bee... you blew my cover.

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  54. What?
    Uh... you mean no one knew you were Superman! Sorry, but there's tons of comic books out there that clearly say who you are!!

    ReplyDelete
  55. I would love to see you all compete...just to see who is the better cheater!!

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  56. For the record... the ladies cheat... the men are straighter than arrows.... why is that?

    SprmanTattoo

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  57. esmeralda:
    That would be me of course!

    60

    ReplyDelete
  58. HA HA HA! WE DID IT!
    Thanks to all the little peeps that made it possible! :o)
    You can all come collect your prizes in form of a dime bag uh... dime!

    ReplyDelete
  59. Pay attention...
    Becasue I like to win!

    ReplyDelete
  60. SNIFF, SNIFF... :O(

    It's not fair, I wanted to be "comment #60"...

    Look at who made #60...the true champ at everything...my man. awwww ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  61. SprmanTattoo:
    congratulation! I of course could not participate cuz this is my blog but if I could I would have won!

    ReplyDelete
  62. Wow! It sounds like we's a family a of boozers! We're not really... really really

    ReplyDelete
  63. Oh, and by the wey, that is my neace their in the originel post... she is the smartest litle girl in the hole wide world... I wonder were she get's it from.... must be the jeans.... write?

    Sprman

    ReplyDelete
  64. Brian: Knee is my hub'
    s family name I believe it's an olde Scottish one
    I'm Jean Knee, my daughter is
    Lean Knee and the hubs is
    John Knee
    at first it seemed a bit dorky but it is better than my maiden name Bean see... Jean Bean
    doesn't have the same ring to it

    but everyone alwaus calls me Jean Knee kinda like Eddie Haskell on leave it to beaver--you'd never call him just eddie...that's just wrong

    ReplyDelete
  65. brian- the lunches and back packs all have to be x-rayed before entering the institution

    ReplyDelete
  66. bee- drat drat and double drat I wasn't 60, that hub and kid are getting too needy I tell you

    ReplyDelete
  67. The only thing worse than a sore loser is a sore winner who has to and i will emphazize the HAS TO ammend the rules as we play only to ensure HIS... or her victory! Anyway it sounds like the little one is getting the hang of your family's dynamics!!!!


    M

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  68. Just you wait until she is a little older and no one and i mean NO ONE will beat her...unless maybe Superman who can flex any rule available to mankind!!!


    M

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  69. jean knee:
    Wuz up stalker girl? You're slackin!

    ReplyDelete
  70. M:??
    uh... okay what little one?
    I don't think I've played with a little one... I've played with Natalia but that's usually a memory game and she wins because I suck at memory and I don't think I would ever cheat her... she's too smart!

    ?

    ReplyDelete
  71. jean knee:
    I just read you frickin comment about your last name and I gotta say... YOU SO ROCK THE MOTHER FRICKIN WORLD!!! HAHAHA! I AM LAUGHING SO LOUD I WOKE UP THE FISH!

    So if they say you're gonna sleep wuith the fishes [use your best Marlon Brando impersonation] you can say "umm.. yeah they's awake naouw!'

    ReplyDelete
  72. A cold sore, sore, sore, sore... what can you say about a cold sore? How about some Carmax, a home remedy? Can you re-write the Iliad or the Odyssey? They are masterpieces (at least in my opinion) that just exist as they are. You can shorten it, but you can not extend it. The eagle soars, the cheetah glides, what does the dolphin do?

    My 5th grade teacher told me "pay attention student, you might miss the beginning of the book again. There will be a quiz at the end of the class and you can not claim that the teacher did not cover the subject" (I know I used that one a time or two).

    LOL M, you are funny, next time bring the kryptonite, you might even win! Je, je, je.

    Piece... I mean... Peace!!

    ReplyDelete
  73. 80 comments!! It's regular party on here. What have I been missing?

    bee, thanks for your lovely comment on my blog it's great when others appreciate the things we write. This post is hilarious, by the way. Kids really are from another planet!

    ReplyDelete
  74. superman as anonymous:
    Great book!


    Magdalene:
    Yup kids certainly are weird! :o)
    Thanks for stopping by!

    ReplyDelete
  75. The plot thickens.....I may or not have a similarly named daughter.
    Something else to add to our common bond.

    My 4 year old is hyper and scribbles all over her coloring book....and the desk....and the walls. I keep telling myself that she'll grow to be a famed abstract muralist one day.

    ReplyDelete
  76. My Nat is nicknamed Caterpillar because of her bushy furry eyebrows. The 4 year old gets called Lolly and Fat Melody. That should make your sister feel better about Sugar Booger.

    ReplyDelete
  77. elasticwaistbandlady: x 2
    Did you pick her name? I was given the honor… I first suggested Olivera but they made me come up with another name!

    You can tell you love your kids sooo much! No teasing them, no forcing them to write with edible paint, no putting udders on ‘em! [I’m all weepy]

    ReplyDelete

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.