Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Dontcha wish your wife was crazy like me? Dontcha?

-DAY 99.-
So... as the dutiful, loving, submissive wife I am, I bought Andy his headphones.

You all know how much I love him right?
I mean, if I ever need someone to watch my back in a dark alley... well, that would be my sister Nancy (even while pregnant).
If I ever need someone to guard my body (as in BODYGUARD)... uh, that would be one of the brothers or all three.
My Andy? He uh... well he's a cutie and looks pretty when he smiles!
Anyway, the first thing I thought of was The Great Gazoo:
Sorry babe!

These headphones are supposed to be super high tech and make waffles on Saturdays.
Here is my question, if they're so damn cooliyo, WHY CAN I HEAR THE OTHER TURKEYS HE'S TALKING TO??
I hear them clearly!!
By the way, that bitch I hear on the other end? She better know not to make googlie voices at him cuz I'll hunt her down and spear her like the troll she is!
Sorry, I got distracted. Where was I?
Oh yeah. he can also hear me!
There I was, doing my evening ritual of swearing up a storm and threatening the dogs with putting them up for adoption and he kept asking "What? Putting who up for adoption?" or "Did you just call Mocha a wiener holder?" or "I know you just didn't call me a pimple on the ass of humanity!!"
Can't a girl have some privacy in her own living space??
Here's a secret picture of his dungeon. Do you see all his comics? There's about 20 boxes under that! Do you see where the arrow is pointing? That's his shelf of dolls action figures.

Here's a picture of the evil genius who destroyed his first set (pair?) of headphones!
Bad! Bad Tazzer the Destroyer!!

What's that?
You'd like to see a close up of his evil eye??

As a gift to me on my near 100 post this year, I'd like you to go to Diesel's and vote for my caption!! Please please please!!! I'll get a free book if I win!!!
Granted, the other ones are funnier but I would be so happy to win. So happy I just might share the love with you guys. And by share I mean laugh at you because you don't have a new free awesome book!
Come on! You know you want to. Go HERE!

Why is Puff Daddy Diddlio still making TV shows?? Raise your hand in the air if you still cay-air? (P. Diddy, if your reading this, I didn't mean you.)


  1. The main purpose of the headphones is to give the wearer the correct aural experience - not necessarily block out all other sounds, which could be a life-saver if there's a fire, or a ticking bomb...

    What made you get a dog that looked so psychotic?

  2. Can we be honest here? I don't usually like animals unless there's something off about them. I like your dog.
    That's all I'm saying.

  3. Tazz is crazy.
    Puff daddy
    Raise your hand if you ever cared.
    You know he ordered the shooting of 2pac.

    Chris Rock told JLow at an award show.
    You might be married to someone else but your ass will always be "puffy"

    1. It was Jamie Foxx (VMA's 2001)

  4. Voted! You are tied for 3rd.

    Maybe the headphones real purpose is to be able to hear you anywhere in the house.

  5. My husband, who also has a stash of comic books and dolls he believes are worth MILLIONS (but are not for if they were, I'd not have a house with a stash of comic books and dolls), saw those headphones and was jealous (he wears dollar store headphones, ghetto style). I thought it best not to tell him that you, a wife, bought them for her husband. I don't need the pressure, and apparently, I've grown fond of listening to him talk loudly at me when he bitches about his ghetto phones.

  6. Brian:
    He claimed his he couldn't hear me with his prior ones, was he faking it???
    Tazz rcoks! He can bite someone and be all cute and cuddly within a matter of seconds, kinda like me.

    Did you vote?

    Yup he is one insane nutball.

    Did you vote?

    He is crazy like a fox!

    Did you vote?

    Thanks! :o)

    Tell your hubs it will make him look like My Favorite Martian, only worse.

    Did you vote?

    jean knee:

    Wouldn't you be if you were married to me?

    Did you vote?

  7. Voted.
    But you have to promise not to let Taz shred the book.
    Or at least post a pic when he does!

  8. By the way, you're in second place.

  9. Damon:
    Thank you! A vote for me means free porn!!

  10. Voted.

    Ohmygod. I didn't come to your blog to feel shame, but I am so all over Making the Band 33. What the hell is wrong with me? I seriously can't turn away when it's on; it's like my drug. I hate myself. Did vote, though.

  11. Tazzer evil eye is actually a DEAT RAY EYE.

    Yesterday it was the headphones. Tomorrow, the world.
    I would watch out for that one. I really would.

  12. Comics, Dolls, dogs with DEATH RAY EYES, vanilla coke...hmmm.

    Ok, I know this is the Bee blog and not the Andy blog but I'd love to see more of the action figures.

  13. You know, I bought my husband similar earphones, but I had to take them back. They only made waffles on Monday and we just don't have time to eat waffles on Mondays.

  14. You aren't a poll contender you're a vote stalker! And Yes, Damnitt, I voted. I even went back and tried to vote again but it wouldn't let me. I fear that it's going to come to a point where it'll be robotic. I won't know what I'm voting for but I'll see your name and vote for you.

  15. I think Tracy needs to be hosed down

  16. Brad went through a LOT of expensive headphones when he first started gaming. I bought him a wireless set for $50, and it has lasted him nearly two years now. But yeah, I can hear everything too.

  17. BTW you might want to tell him that he's supposed to put the boom down by his mouth.

    But I highly recommend getting a good quality desk mike, it will last a lot longer. Trustez-moi.

  18. What's a donzer:
    Don't feel too bad, I watch Made and True Life, both MTV shows. Oh and Real World Road Rules.
    Oh, and what's a donzer?? ;op

    Yup! He is an evil cutie. He treats me with respect so we's cool with each other.
    Just for you, I will post one sometime. I'm gonna ask him to put them in battle poses. Don't get scared okay? :o)

    jean knee:
    He takes after me. My eye goes all loopy too.

    Yup! Good reason to take 'em back! I'm trying to teach my cellphone to make omelet.

    My love for you is this big:

    jean knee:
    Don't give the guys any ideas about wet T-Shirts!

    You just spoke French to me but I'm sure he'll understand. I never thought about a desk mike!

  19. Your dog was sired by Marty Feldman, wasn't he?

  20. I'm skilled with our home haircutting kit.

    I'd like to get a hold of both Andy and Taz.

    A 2for1 special!

    I'll even paint their nails and put little bows on their ears, if you want.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.