Thursday, September 6, 2007

Rambling Along the Highway Of Crap!

I’ve developed non curable allergies…

That’s right ladies and gents I'm allergic to bullshit!



I’ve always been allergic but I was able to control my reactions by applying a nice thick layer of ointment in the form of patience, now it seems I’m losing the ability to control my out-breaks/bursts… ::sigh::

Oh well! Enough melodrama! (Yeah right!)

Guess who almost got slapped yesterday?

If you guessed “everyone you work with” you are a winner please treat yourself to a beer (if you’re over 21 that is, otherwise you should wait before you drink any alcoholic beverages like the rest of us did... also, if it's morning time when you're reading this wait until noon like the rest of us...).

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Yeah it was a rough day in Dumb-OZ-land! So in order to take my mind off the twitching of my right eye (why is it always my right eye that twitches? You’d hope they would take turns, that way one eyelid won't get more exercise than the other therefore leaving me with a skinny lid and a slightly fatter lid…) where was I? Oh yeah, I came up with a special game.

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Every time they asked something particularly stupid, I thought about responses that would make them blush.
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My responses were:

What picture of a penis?”*

“Oh… so it burns when you pee?”*

“Umm… do you always have to talk about your love life? It makes me very uncomfortable”*

Adult diapers?”*

"Did you try pulling it out?"*

"Phone sex isn't allowed at work."*

“Dammit woman! Stop grabbing my ass!”*

along the same lines.

“Can you stand somewhere else so that your butt is not in my face!?” (I was sitting in the lunchroom bench thing, inconsiderate fuckin' people not caring that I’m short!-the Word suggestion for "fuckin" was "ducking" just thought you might want to know-)*

“Your husband is hot!” (Wait… how did that get in there? A patient came in with a very attractive husband but I wasn't even looking... shhh!)

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Anyway, some of these I said out loud, one of these I just kept in my head. I’m not telling you which is which because I’d like to keep the mystery in our relationship…

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I recommend you try this concept at home/work/supermarket/dentist because it’s super therapeutic!

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By the way, Glynda saw my journal (yeah I keep a journal... so? No, that doesn't make me a geek! It's so that I can write down my awesome thought -singular on purpose- so that I can later share it with my followererers.) and said,

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'If you write stuff about here, make sure you don't leave it lying around because OZ will read it.'

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So Cool Chocolate Doesn't Melt in Her Mouth Bee:

'Uh... why would I write about this place?!'
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Laugh with me peoples!
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****Also, my home computer crashed!!! You know the one I got for my 30th birthday and hardly used myself but then when a certain someone wanted a new fancy shmancy one it came back to me? Yeah, that one!

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It's probably all the questionable google searches I've been doing (all in the name of research)! Now I have to fight with The Dread Pirate Roberts to share his... Yeah, I know, you share my pain.
Favorite line in the movie: Westley says to Prince Humperdinck as they're cornered "you surrender to me? I accept!" **Walk out your door, go to the store, buy it, watch it, love it!**

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Ramble On People There’s Nothing To See Here!


P.S.
Nancy, no post tomorrow.

28 comments:

  1. Glad to see someone else appreciates this movie, though I can't imagine ever needing to say;

    "You kill my father. Prepare to die!"

    But hey, you never know...

    ReplyDelete
  2. HEY SHORTIE!!!! GUESS WHERE I AM! I’M IN A INTERNET CAFÉ!! YEAH! THERES TONS OF THEM HERE!!
    I READ YOUR POST ABOUT THE TATTOO. I REMEMBER A GIRL ABOUT YOUR HEIGHT TALKING ME OUT OF GETTING ONE… WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?

    BUTTS IN THE FACE=GAY!

    BAD IMAGE, I’VE SEEN THOSE WOMEN!!

    DID YOU GET MY TEXT? SENT IT YESTERDAY.

    AS THEY SAY HERE:

    BYE

    BIG DAD

    ReplyDelete
  3. magdalene:
    This is why we have to make it our goal in life to quote this movie whenever we can.
    I quote it often even if it doesn’t make sense, for example:

    Buttercup: Farm boy, polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning.

    Fezzik: I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed.

    I love this movie! :o)

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  4. BIG DORK!:
    Hey, glad you're alive! I thought for sure the natives had captured you and you were sitting in a cell somewhere!

    RE:Tattoo
    We'll see.

    RE: Text
    No.
    You do have my e-mail address you big goof!

    Not gay [--not that there's anything wrong with that--]

    Be Well Behave!

    ReplyDelete
  5. dang bee, everything coool happens to you. I can't remember the last time I had a butt in my face.

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  6. oh yeah, I sent you a package today....don't be scared

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  7. jean knee: x 2
    Would you like an application to work here? On second thought maybe not, I know you have a compulsion to yell out obscene things in the middle of a nice polite conversation. :o)


    Is it a gun? Ha Ha just kidding government folks! :o{
    I meant a Tattoo gun!

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  8. Did "The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin" ever make it to the US? This was a comedy about a middle manager facing a mid-life crisis. He had various pictures in his mind - for example, every time he thought of his mother-in-law he imagained a hippopotamus. Eventually the pictures took over and he couldn't stop calling her "the hippo". Beware, it might not all stay in your mind...

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  9. brian:
    No never heard of it but it rings true to life since I'm looking at a Purple Dino-SOUR as we speak.

    What? Oh... it says Hi!

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  10. Well, we had the interview with WW, when are we going to get the chance to question the others?

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  11. brian:
    Well I personally think the WW is the most interesting of the lot... which one do you think would be worth reading about?

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  12. That's a good point, especially as the questions would have to be ones that you could drop into casual conversation. But surely the collective inventiveness, wit and evil of this corner of Cyperspace can come up with something?

    ReplyDelete
  13. It might be harder to do because the WW is so smart and the rest of the cast share a brain... maybe OZ.
    I try to get in his head sometimes just to try to figure how he rationalizes being an Ass...

    ReplyDelete
  14. [Flash of Inspiration]

    How about getting them to do something stupid?

    For example, How many of them can you get to type "The quick brown fox" with their nose?

    You tell them about a new test to work out which side of the brain is most active. Left brainers are more prone to wieght problems in middle age, as the right part controls metabolism. The scientists get people to type with their noses, and then work out whether they tend to hit the keys to the left or the right.

    Try it...

    ReplyDelete
  15. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
    That would be FRICKIN' HILARIOUS! They would do it to!
    They are always talking about new suggestions to eat like a slice of wheat bread with peanut butter and apple chunks!

    Maybe I'll tell them they should enter a room walking backwards [I saw that on Psych! TV show]

    Ha Ha... still laughing... cheeks hurt!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I looooove that movie!!! It was the first real movie I ever owned SEVERAL TIMES... (Long Story right Sprman Tattoo).

    I like Brian's idea of having them type with their nose!!!

    2 of the crazy ladies from my job will ONLY eat a slice of wheat bread with peanut butter and a really thick layer of sugar! They say it's healthy. I highly doubt that much sugar is.

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  17. Man! It took -ever to leave a comment!! For some reason it was not taking my info and I even tried to leave it Anonymous...

    ReplyDelete
  18. The outrage!!!! someone had more comments than I did

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  19. oh yeah, thanks for the gun comment, it's your fault if the SWAT team kicks my door in, again

    ReplyDelete
  20. wow you and brian together are like what's his face the cute guy on the office, and the rest of your staff is a collective Dwight

    I bet that never even dawned on you huh?

    by the way, I tried that nose typing thing but my snozz kept hitting the wrong keys. do you think I'm right brained?

    ReplyDelete
  21. you thought I was gone or abducted by foreignors or something huh?

    did you see how I spelled that foreignor word? I still didn't get it right did I?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Nancy: x2
    "Little sister don't you do, what your big sister does..." [in my best Elvis impersonation]
    I don't know why I thought about that Elvis song...?

    Sorry, don't know why they don't let people leave comments. Maybe because there's too much questionable material on my blog...?

    jean knee: x500
    RE: SWAT
    They just come to check you out! You can look too.

    RE: Office
    I love that show! Jim is so dreamy...

    RE: Fourinhers
    Naw I know you can take care of yourself! If they would have taken you, you would walk out of there with their money!

    ReplyDelete
  23. I've traveled down the highway of crap too.....until I took the next exit. Sadly, that landed me smack dab in the middle of Shitpile Island.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Heeeeeey!

    You are not posting today!!!! :(

    ReplyDelete
  25. elasticwaistbandlady:
    Oh-Oh Shitpile Island huh? How are the Nachos there?

    Nancy:
    Is natalia too young for this movie? Maybe we can watch it while "the men" are watching the Bears on Sunday...

    ReplyDelete
  26. Natalia has seen this movie but I think it was a bit much for her and it didn't catch her interested. I'll try showing it to her again :)

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.