After about half an hour of sitting in the sun they called my name! She was happy. I was sunburned!
After another half hour they called her name! They almost didn’t give her the tickets because we were both wearing red shirts and dark pants/shorts so people thought she and I were the same person! (Crazy people! it’s like confusing Charlize Theron with Scarlett Johansen, only we’re a little bit more beautiful)
Anyway, this made me happy cuz, even though I looked like a cooked lobster, now I get to sell mine on eBay! Moh-ney! Moh-ney Moh-ney! Moh-ney! ShoeMoh-ney!
What…? Why don’t I go? If you’re asking that question let’s just say you don’t know me very well and leave it at that. (psst! I don’t want to offend the Texan cuz he’s like 9 feet tall and can squash my head like a grape!)
I was reading my Jane Magazine and came across a tip on how to cover bald spots on your head. They are suggesting eye shadow that matches your hair color… what happens when you sweat???
Can you imagine having this big brown streak down your cheek???(rhymed)
Stranger on the street: ‘Excuse me Miss but either your hair color is leaking or your face is tarnishing!’
Other thing they suggested for covering up gray hair… MASCARA!
It seems that the man who married my mother and produced us by divine intervention, was ahead of his time! About 5 years ago he asked my sister to buy him some mascara so that he could cover the gray in his moustache! From now on I will take his advice on fashion, money, politics, family, work AND religion! HA!
Small bathroom encounter (not the George Michael kind gutter minds!).
Lady in the stall next to mine: 'WTF! Come on!'
Me keeping my mouth shut this time.
LITSNTM: 'GAWDAMNIT! I'm going to have rip the fuckin' zipper!'
Me singing the theme song to Titanic in my head.
LITSNTM: [to person in other stall AKA me]'sorry, my zipper's stuck and I really have to pee. If you hear a ripping sound it's that.'
Me: 'Don't worry, I've heard worse things in this bathroom...'
LITSNTM: [silent for a moment then...] HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Then I heard a ripping noise and on that note I exited the bathroom. (after washing my hands)
I gotta tell you, I no longer dread going to the bathroom.