Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Rats, Grill Queen, Nemo

I decided to take a mental day yesterday. (No, It didn't help, I'm still crazy)
Now I must give you a brief run down of my weekend because, well, I want to… :op

This will be a long post so I give you permission to read a little at a time, you won’t hurt my feelings if you read it take a nap and come back. I won’t think I’m boring you…

I got up reasonably early. Went downstairs to my Mom’s for coffee and breakfast (bagels thanks to Rock Star Husband Andy making an early morning trip to Panera Bread), I was kinda crabby since morning is not my best time (followed closely by afternoon and evening).
As I’m sitting in my Mom’s kitchen, groggy, waiting for my liquid energy to cool down a bit thinking about our place in the cosmos (right!) I finally took a gulp of my coffee (that’s the only way you can describe my coffee drinking, no sips for me!) my mom chooses that moment to ask this question:

‘Do rats have bones?’

Let’s pause there for a moment so that I can tell you what happened to me once she let go of that little fire cracker.

I just about spit out my coffee but I forced my lips to remain shut, it almost came out of my nose but I managed to control myself. Now I’m sitting there with now cold liquid in my mouth but it seems my brain has forgotten the command for swallow.


‘Your brother Rick was writing a story and in the story somebody steps on a rat and he describes how you could hear the bones crunching but I told him I didn’t think rats had bones because they fit in little holes.’ (as you can see, the one who made me is also a rambler)

When my brain finally pulled it’s cells together and sent an order to swallow.

I said: ‘Yeah they have bones. Remember when we were walking down the alley when I was 15 and we saw a rat skeleton?’ (Chicago, my kinda town)

Mom: ‘Oh yeah! Make sure you tell Rick because he might have changed his story just on my say so!’
Weird… If you would have told me what the first topic of conversation my mom and I would have over breakfast on a Saturday would have been about rats, I would have walked away from you muttering under my breath about how they let anybody walk around without straight jackets.
That was the highlight of Saturday for me. Oh, I also did some gardening.

The whole family went to Warren Dunes in Michigan. Tons of fun under the sun! Except I did mange to sunburn my face! Since I was wearing my Supergirl baseball hat and Jackie-O sunglasses I now look like a character from Star Wars (I don’t care which one you imagine as long as it’s not Jabba the Hut). My face is burned from my nose to the bottom half of my cheekies to my chin which isn’t even red, it's purple! Yes, I had sunscreen on but to sunscreen I say ‘You are useless and oily and I never want to smear you again!’

I was labeled the Grill Queen by brother Sergio although I think he meant it more as a joke but tough nutty bars! I’m taking the title and running. Whoever wants to take it from me must provide delicious food which I will then judge. Who’s up for the challenge? Esmeralda??? I will have to sacrifice myself into multiple taste testings!

By the way did I tell you guys that half way to our meeting place I realized I forgot the steak? No? Well of course that didn’t happen! I am on top of everything and lapses like those are unacceptable! (Kudos to Andy who didn’t get mad at me when we had to turn around and get the meat, I thought he was going to shove me out of the car and let oncoming traffic make me into road kill).

Since I didn’t go to work I consider it part of my weekend.

Breakfast with my mamma jamma again, no weird talk about rats. Well maybe a little, we were talking about the trip to the Dunes and planning our next time there. She suggested I walk around in body armour and carry a ginourmous umbrella so that I don’t wind up looking like a poor, as in no money for good make up, clown. (thanks mom!)
Then Niece Natalia talked me into watching Finding Nemo again (she really got a good grip and twisted my arm into watching it.) In the middle of the movie, after many potty breaks, the movie started going all patchy! My beloved, I MEAN NATALIA’S, Nemo movie is now scratched! If Natalia’s mom is reading this, we need a new movie.

In the evening Andy and I once again battled for control of the temperature of the house. I like a nice tepid comfortable environment. He likes it freezing hands, boogies dripping down your nose, frost bite on your toes, skin splitting, cold. I never seem to win these battles because he always says it’s for the good of his fish…! So tomorrow I’m looking for jobs where they hire fish because if they get special treatment from the husband over his devoted, agrees with him on every subject, never yells, beautiful wife, they must pull their own weight!

Okay I'm done! Now I have to get to work. This week will be nicknamed "Hell Week" as in, I'm in it! I am also the designated Kitchen Marm so if you have any suggestions on treats I can bring I would really appreciate it!
Later Gators!


  1. Your rat story got me wondering: Can people walk around in straightjackets (is it just the arms they tie up)? I suppose I'll find out when they finally catch up with me...

    Perhaps as a compromise with the temperature you could put some ice-cubes in the fish tank? Maybe Andy could buy a new copy of Nemo, since the fish must like it too?

    Given your feelings about noise, I think you should make smoothies out of whatever you decide to cook (top tip: mince the meat first). And of course, slimy apple juice for dessert.

  2. Yup, people can walk if they have straight jackets on.
    More important question, if they catch you, will you type with your nose? Maybe your toes? This is important because how else will you leave comments on my blog? Maybe you should practice typing this way before they catch you…?
    Just a suggestion.

    RE: the thermostat
    He has put ice in the tank. My “brilliant wife” suggestion was to move the fish tank from his dungeon where he kills warcrafty things and put it where there are more air conditioning vents (like our dining room) but… well I don’t know what (but)…?

    RE: Treats.
    Stop… you’re… making… me… hungry…!
    Excuse me while I go throw up!

  3. 85ne9043whj523094i

    That was (honestly!) an attempt to type "it doesnt work" with my nose. Now I understand why Michael Jackson had his done that way.

    Looking at the above again, I suspect if I'd tried to do "kgcldx gsl," it would come out better. Here goes:


    That's somewhat better. It just needs practice to get the aim right, though I'm amazed I didn't manage to hit the space bar either time.

    [What am I doing? I bought this computer so I could learn Greek, and I end up learning nasal touch typing instead... This is all your fault!]

  4. Okay now I'm in big trouble cuz I can't stop laughing!

    At first I thought you were giving me the serial number to your car...

    or swearing at me in code!

    Although I assume responsibility for brainwashing you into typing with your nose, look at this as an opportunity to add this wonderful talent to your resume!

    No need to thank me...

    7you8']wse3.l co9mde

    that was NOSE for "you're welcome".
    That was hard took me like 4 minutes and people asking what I was doing. I told them I was smelling my keyboard... they believed me but I heard them say something about a straight jacket.

    Everything comes back full circle!


    I'm not sure what has me laughing more. The post, the rats, or the comments :-D

    As I'm sure you've noticed, I have to have sympathy for DH's fish. We've had one too many deaths here lately.

    If you are in charge of snacks for work then I suggest puppy chow (obviously..not the actual dog food)

    If not, then I might know someone who could get you something to put in some brownies.

    It would be good blog fodder :-D

  6. I vote for the something in the brownies, let me know i'll be there!

  7. So how many people do you think are trying to type with their nose because of you guys????

    I like the brownie idea!!! Put some Dulcolax or something!!!

  8. chris:
    Puppy chow good idea, maybe I’ll bake that into the brownies! :o)

    Easy boy! No “funny” brownies for me!

    What if I forget and eat some? Then I’ll have to go home… interesting idea! We’d have to close the office! :o)

  9. BTW, my momma still didn't beleive rats have bones...!?

    here is a link to more info and it proves they do.



Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.