Hell Hath No Fury...

So...

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My truce with the universe is over!

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I was so frustrated on Friday I decided to take the bull by the horns and ask OZ for a raise while we were in meeting. He said no raise, bonus at the end of September maybe. He gave me the whole "we've had a bad year" excuse! Raise your hands if you've had a boss say that to you.

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I count 1,257 hands (yup that's how many peeps visit my blog)! ::wink wink:::

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Anyway, Brian put a horoscope up for Friday which I thought was interesting because, even though I don't always believe in them, this one was very prophetic!

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That gave me an idea. Did I tell you guys I was 1/3 Nostradamus-y (I had to google how to spell the darn name and I can tell you I was no where near)?

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I will now summon my ancestor and use my abilities to predict what the month of September will hold for my fellow asylum chums.

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Stand back cuz this could get ugly!

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Sahumununa hummuna hummuna hummus hummussssssss

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My first vision is for OZ (Cancer):

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The stars are aligned in the traditional flip off, FUCK YOU!, formation. Guided by this sign, the cosmos dictate that you take all of your fishing rods, all the hooks and paraphernalia that goes along with fishing... and in the immortal words of The Rock... shine 'em up real nice turn them sideways and stick 'em up your ROOTY-POO MONKEY ASS! Keep shining keep shining!

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Please don't defy the the orders given to you by the Assssstrological Gods because if you do, they might feel compelled to add your boat to this list of objects! Just to teach you a lesson on defiance.

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Yes, you might feel some discomfort but remember, your employees feel that discomfort every single day they work for you! So suck it up Big Man.

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Purple Dino-SOUR (Capricorn):

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The stars are aligned in a Question mark formation. Interesting. You would think this would be an easy one to decipher but since your whole life is a tangled yarn of questions... Please give me a moment to ponder...

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Okay, it looks like you are close to asking your One Millionth Question! They are warning you against it, something about your head exploding right off your neck... the signs are a little vague... I know it's shocking but there is a way to avoid this disaster.

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The cosmos is suggesting you shut the hell up! Yeah, I know it will be difficult but you must try really hard for the sake of your coming grandchild! (Did I tell you guys her daughter is pregnant... yup!)

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Scarecrow (Leo):

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It looks like your alignment is shaped like a whiskey bottle... wait there's more! It has a broken rim and cigarette butts inside.

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Tsss! The Cosmos are especially worried about you! They are warning you to stay away from Scorpios! It shows a short person walking up to you and... no I can't say it out loud! Please please heed their warning.

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Toto (Gemini):

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For you the stars are aligned in the shape of a dog biscuit. They suggest you continue to wag your tail and jump through PD's hoops. Good girl!

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Milton (Virgo):

Your alignment is in the shape of... an egg timer? Oh, I see. The vision is getting clearer. They suggest you invest in an egg timer if you don't already have one.

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The cosmos is telling you to set this timer for 30 seconds anytime you A) ask a question or B) answer a question.

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Once the timer goes off you must end your sentence.

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This will reduce the risk of having flying objects being thrown at your head. Remember, your co-worker is extremely busy and cannot afford to waste the 10 minutes it takes you to ask what time it is. She also does not have to hear how paper was invented, made in ancient times, made in modern times, distributed and delivered. All she wants to know is where the box of paper is that's all! No history lesson is needed! Ahh sorry I got a little distracted...

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Cowardly Lion (Sagittarius):

By reading your alignment, I can tell you to continue in your path. Keep hiding under your desk and you will retire in one piece with few injuries.

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Glynda (Aquarius):

The stars have a special message for you. Yours are aligned in the shape of a back stabbing knife.

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Oh dear!

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It shows you will betray the one employee who thinks for herself! No don't do it! Be careful because she's a Scorpio and tends to hold a grudge...

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Oh wait a minute! I apologize I was reading the signs for August!

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Oh-Oh.

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I guess that means that since you weren't warned in time you went thru with the prophecy??

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There is nothing the cosmos can do for you now!

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What was my prediction for Scorpio?

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Cosmos and Karma said to carry on and unleash.

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No Sympathy No Mercy No Compassion No loyalty

Yup Yup Yup! Life in the asylum is about to get violent!

P.S.

Don't forget to e-mail me questions you would like to ask the Wicked Witch! The best question will get a surprise!