Friday, August 10, 2007

Things you might not need to know

First, let me ask you to e-mail me if there are still problems with this blog. We (me with the help of the blogging Gods) think we figured it out but just in case it's still not good...

On with the show!


I told my sister yesterday that I would not be posting today because I had tons of work to do since I was leaving early to visit a loved one at the Hospital. Her response was to go almost postal on my assssparagus. Funny cuz she is the one that complained about the Cricket picture I posted yesterday!


Here you go Nancy Banananananas (I never know when to stop)


1- I just learned how to spell Wednesday about 8 years ago. So for 34 minus 8 years (you do the math, I don't have a calculator and yes I was writing when I was 0 years old) I was spelling it Wednsday. Yup believe it cuz it's true!


2- A patient came in with her little boy about 5. He was sitting quietly outside of the X-Ray room while they radiated his mommy and he was behaving very well. I happened to walk by him when suddenly he grabbed my arm and said he had to go "pee-pee"... For those of you who know me and those of you who don't will now know. I am not very good with kids. I freak out when I have to address them because I cannot figure out how to talk to them. I don't know why and I know it's weird but there you have it. I freeze. So... I ran to get Glynda as this was now top priority in my book and got her to take him to the potty! I'm afraid I might have unintentionally scared the poor little boy :o(

(Sorry Moms out there, I guess I won't be babysitting any time soon!)


3- My mom was really upset yesterday and said she had to tell us something really sad. My sis and I were like what? what?! She said she had gone to Carson's (like Macy's) and the cashier had asked her if she was 55. My mom said yes and the lady told her that their senior discounts start at 55 so my mom got a 20% discount. Even though she was happy she got a discount, she was sad they called her a senior. You know what? I agree 55 is nowhere near seniorability! I mean I will be 55 in... Holy Green Beans Batman! I'm gonna be 35 this year!!!!!! Now I'm sad too.


4-I was at lunch with CL and Glynda and I discovered a new pet peeve (I know, it's probably easier to list the things that don't annoy me...) so... where was I? Does that annoy you? When I ramble? Any-who! I hate it when people talk really slow and nod their heads as they talk! Why do they do that? Do they think they can hypnotize us into believe their crazy shit? (If you are a slow-talker-head-nodder of course I don't mean you... [me mouthing 'yes I do'])


5- I have a stalker. This bird waits for me to go to work and is there when I come home. I personally believe it's the reincarnation of Elvis and at any moment he will start singing "Hunk of Burning Love" and we'll both start dancing in the bird bath! Don't kill my dream, it can happen... (Elvis if you're still alive CALL ME!). Oo Oo Oo I feel my temprature rising!


6- Why is it that when I take off my sandals one ends up right by my feet and the other one ends up in Kentucky (another state in the U.S.)? Does it try to make a run for it? Does it see it's opportunity to look for it's... wait for it... SOUL MATE?! Do shoes get divorced? Am I just trying to waste your time by writing nonsense? The answers are at the bottom (I originally typed "bootom" but the spell check caught it. From now on I will say "bootom")


Last but not least...


7- Remember Forrest Gump and his momma? Remember one of their most favored sayings about chocolates/life theory? Well I have one too.

khhhhmmm! [clearing my throat to impersonate Forrest]

Life is like a box of condoms, no matter what flavor you get, your life still SUX!


And on that note, have a great weekend everyone!

Answers to questions on number 7:

Don't know. Probably, your feet smell. That was brilliant! (not answer but it had to be said). Sure, they probably feel like dirt sometimes. If you're still here... YES!


  1. So the slowness was your fault!!! I was about to go nuts on my computer this morning because of that! mentioned the magical word: "ELVIS" I LOVE HIM and it's a coincidence that I just posted something that you might like...

  2. You've just given me the idea that'll make my fortune: You know how children sometimes have their gloves on string threaded through their coats? You could do the same with your shoes, if you're wearing trousers with them. You get a length of string, attach it to one shoe, thread it up one leg and down the other. Of course there's a disadvantage - you wouldn't then have the excuse that you had to buy a new pair of shoes because you lost one of them (why don't they sell them separately? - ditto for socks).

    I like the following from Tom Lehrer: "Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it."

  3. somegirl:
    Even though we both have excellant taste in celebs, I hate to rub it in that his reincarnation is stalking... me! :op

    when you have an idea you shouldn't post it on the internet until you get a patent for it.
    Did I tell you I just got a patent for the exact thing you described? Purely coincidental!

    RE: selling shoes/socks seperately
    It is a little know fact that shoes/socks are what drives the economy in all countries. They make you believe it's oil but it is just a huge smoke screen... They don't want to sell them seperately because then they would be for half the price. They rather you buy a whole new pair of the same shoe if you lose one. (Yes I have done this)
    I think I've said to much! Once you read this delete it from your memory!

    Cool! I like that Tom guys too. I wonder if there's some sort of website where tons of these chocolate/life, sewer/life, condoms/life theories are floating around.

  4. Hi Bee! I thought it was hilarious that you spelled Wednesday wrong for so many years. So did I! I don't remember quite when I started getting it right but it was late enough to remember it. I spelled it the same way. I also spelled February, Febuary. Despite the fact that my birthday is in February. Such a goober I am.

  5. Also, I didn't design my blog header. If only I were talented. I just told my blog designer what I wanted and he found me a graphic. It's cool, huh? I was getting ready to fire her actually. She's just such a show-off. Struttin' around in her skull panties all the time...


    IT HAS MADE MY CRAPPY MORNING BETTER!!!! OR SHOULD I SAY PEE-PEE MORNING? (Ask Natalia she can give you the details.

    I likke the new spin on the the box of...

    Crap!!! Gotta go!!! Meeting time...

  7. Well, Bee, at least you did not spell is Wendsday. If it helps any (and it probably won't), Wednesday comes from Woden's day. (Woden was the chief of the Norse gods.) Tuesday is from Tiu's day (Norse god of war); Thursday from Thor's day (Norse thunder god); Friday from Freya's day (Norse goddess of love).

    Anyway, happy goddess of love day.

  8. Stepherz:
    Are you in my head?! I did the same thing with Feb! I still have to sound it out when I'm typing it, thank goodness for spell check!

    RE: Your Header
    It is awesome! Don't fire her and I'm sure men are happy about the description you gave of her walking around in her undrwear... :o)

    nancy: since you are my number two fan (your friend is tied with you for number two and my number one fan is... ME) I couldn't let ya down! :o)

    thanks for that! It is always interesting to find out how words became, well... words.
    I think I like calling Friday "Freya's Day" after all it was named after me...

    True story

  9. Re: shoes driving the economy: So your justification for spending (say) the GDP of a small African country on shoes would be as an investment that'll make you rich when the leather runs out? I don't buy that, I'm afraid, and I suspect your other half won't either!

    Re Patent: My cunning plan is to divert would-be competitors away from my amazing levitation device that will make shoes a thing of the past...

  10. brian:
    Have I done something to offend you (other than stealing and patenting your idea)?
    How could you create a device that will take all the fun out of spending Andy's hard earned money? How could you leave me barefoot and crying? Whatever I did, I'm SO SORRY!

    :o) you are too funny!

    Your "anonymous" post on God Helps those was hilarious!

  11. HOLY FRICKIN CRAP! Is that your email address fo reals???!!!?

    I can't tell you why. Just e-mail me at


    You'll see why.

  12. HOLY FRICKIN CRAP! My mom turns 56 today and we had that whole pro/con senior discount discussion just last week!

    I'm getting scared now. Should I continue reading until the end? Will I die of goosebumps from the eerie coincidences?

  13. Bee: Having once had a shoe-mad wife, it's only right that I should do whatever I can to help people like Andy. For evey levitator sold a percentage of the profit will be donated to the Shoe Section of Shopaholics Anonymous (3rd floor between Lingerie and Kitchen Appliances). Anyway, it could be a while before it hits the shops - I'm looking for a new assistant as the previous one was last seen heading towards Mars...

    Talking of Anonymity, I never make anonymous posts.

  14. elasticwaistbandlady:
    You'll be fine! As long as you don't tell me that you're 5'2 and have a mole on your... well you're fine! :op

    My mistake but the "anonymous" old lady comment sounded...well british (yes it's possible).
    Not to be cruel but I hope every assistant you find somehow vanishes... (of course this curse is only for people you hire for this invention, if you hire assistants for anything other than this invention, I hope they live long and healthy lives).

  15. Does it see it's opportunity to look for it's... wait for it... SOUL MATE?!

    Your shoe just contacted me. It was asking if I had an attorney to recommend (I don't). Anyway, it asked me to pass along that it is not seeking a soul mate. It seeks a sole mate.

  16. duckman:
    If you speak to my shoe again please tell it that it lost out cuz it left it's sole mate at my house (which is why I assumed it had been looking for mate in the more spiritual sense).

    Also tell it not to return as we have filed a restraining order.
    Thanks! :o)


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.