Where we left off...
Are there any other witches more powerful than you?
There was one that came close, but when I was informed her weakness was Mickey Dee’s, I sent my monkeys to bring her food every hour. When she was too meat drunk to move, I made her explode. They recently discovered her remains in oil form near Azoobefar.
I believe I came here for personal questions not to give you a geography lesson.
Where do you take your broom to get serviced if it breaks down?
Well if it’s just an ordinary broom, can I go and get mine and fly?
First, do you even know where your broom would be? Don’t you have people that wipe your nose for you? Anyway you cannot fly if you are not a witch.
How dare YOU of all people imply Santa’s bad!
Hey! At least you know what I’m about! I never promised joy and happiness! I’m all about rage. … And money, if you have the bucks you can rent me for an hour. For spells gutter minds!
What happened in your childhood?
Nothing much happened in my childhood. My adoptive parents bought 2 monkeys to keep me company so that I wouldn’t have to go out in public. Little did they know they got me a male and a female which, after tons of inbreeding, provided me with my Monkey Army.
Friends no. Frenemies yes.
What do you mean by "frenemies"?
People who are terrified of me but would rather stay on my good side so they do my bidding.
I guess I should start hanging out with more witches but they all think they’re prettier than me. Which, as you can see, they are mistaken!
If you could be any color besides green what would it be and why?
If I told you what I fed my monkeys you’d form another lynch mob! But ONE of the things they like are toe nail clippings. They’d hang out a Nail Salons all day if I didn’t have a buzzer under their skin.
You still didn't answer... [cut off]
No! No reptiles!
Well it starts with my Other banging the gong, not a euphemism we literally have a gong, to make me wake up.
We argue for about 10 minutes as to who is going to let the monkeys out, feed them etc.
He leaves to his energy thing. I go back to sleep. 2 hours later I wake up. I make sure my hair is flock of seagull-ish and go on to torment the world.
I recently joined Alcholics Anonymous. I enjoy making them break their sobriety. [At Orpa's shocked expression she adds] Don't worry I always put them in a cab! Of course I give the cab driver the wrong directions but that's another story...
Do you live your life without regrets?
I only have one. And that's agreeing to this interview!
How and when did you find out that you would melt if you where in contact with water? Didn't you find out when you tried to bathe?