SPACE INVADERS!

Do you know people that when they talk to you they have to be all up in your bidzzness?!

If I take a step back they take a step forward. First I thought it might be a magnet under my desk but since this happens to me outside of work too, it must be my... magnetic personality.

I always go around saying how anti-social I am but maybe I'm in denial? What do you think?

Anyway, I always stand as far away from people as I can. If I can get away with leaving a "post it" note to avoid one on one interaction then I'm happy.

Unfortunately, I know about seven Space Invaders (SI). They come from all walks of life and I happen to have married one (don't worry, he knows).

Things I have done to repel them: (and by them I don't mean Andy... nothing works with Andy, I've even told him that when I say "prickly pear" it means I need space but then he just hugs me... huh?)

1) Eating garlicky stuff. Then when I talk to them I thhhalk lhhhike thhhhis (over pronouncing or adding an "H"). It doesn't work! They always walk away saying 'Hmm, I'm hungry!'

Yeah, people are GROSS!

2) Talking like Daffy Duck and spitting when I speak (don't judge me, I always aim for their shirt, there's nothing worse than getting it on their face!) Doesn't work! They always walk away saying. 'I'm thirsty!' See what I have to deal with?

3) Bobbing my head forward every once in a while almost bashing them in the chin (I'm short, I wish I could reach their nose! Although sometimes in my 4 inch heels I can reach it.) Doesn't work they always walk away saying 'You are a very animated speaker!'

4) So then I tried over pronouncing one word loudly (you know like Chandler from Friend's my favorite TV show in the whole wide world! When it ended I had the difficult task to find some real friends... nobody has replied to my want ads! Maybe I should remove the stipulation that they have to be rich and buy me stuff... what the hell was I talking about?! Right!) this didn't work either! For some reason they thought it was funny! Jerks!

5) Swinging my arms wildly, for some reason they start doing it too...? Monkeys!

Last but not least

6) If they ask me a question I give them the wrong answer, for example:

SI:'What color is your car?'

Awesome Bee: 'I LOVE STRAWBERRIES!' (It's blue by the way, I'm not and idiot)

SI: 'No, what color is your car?'

[you have to tough it out cuz they will step even closer before you get the desired results]

Awesome Bee: 'There's some in the kitchen?'

SI: 'No, I'm asking you what color your car is not what fruit you like...'

Awesome Bee: 'Are you gonna get some?'

SI: 'Some what?'

Awesome Bee: 'Thanks!' [big empty stare followed by a smile]

SI: 'No, I... never mind!' [walking off upset]

As they're walking away I call out: 'BLUE!'

They look at me in confusion but don't come back right away.

I did #6 to Scarecrow about a couple of months ago because she kept telling me about some baseball thing she glued to her mini-van's window. She thought she parked next to me so that I could see it when I left... who cares right?

This is effective but it takes too long and like fish, they forget and do it again the next time they see you... now I'm tired.

So I'm wondering if my next experiment should be to not use deodorant...? The only problem with that is, right now it's super hot here (maybe it would make my plan work better...?)! I'm out of ideas and I usually can come up with at least 10 to torture people.

Did I trick you into thinking this was about video games? HA! Got ya!

I'm gonna change my profession to:

Bee, Professional People Messer with (or whatever)

-

By show of hands, how many people out there feel sorry for my co-workers/family/friends/people I know? Once you have voted make sure you leave your name and address so that I can come thank you personally.

-

I just noticed upon editing I used allot of exclamation marks but I was in an exclaiming mood!!!!!!