R. Kelly was trapped in the closet, I was trapped in the bathroom but I still might make a song out of it.

OH! I forgot to mention I was trapped in my bathroom on Saturday!

I went to take a shower while Andy went to the grocery store. I was happily singing Right Said Fred's "I'm too sexy", I'm sure everybody sings that while coming out of the shower, and when I went to open the door… STUCK!!

I thought I had heard Andy come home so I started wailing knocking on the door and yelling "Andy help!" but nothing. I called his cell and found out he was barely on his way home.

For some reason, he found me being at the brink of death, funny.

I wouldn't say I'm claustrophobic but something about not being able to exit a small space was making me nutty! I yanked at the doorknob but managed to hurt my rusty old shoulder instead of managing to open the door.

Luckily, my mom called to ask me something about cherries and I was able to let her know I needed assistance ASAP!

She came downstairs calling my name because apparently, my incoherent mumbling, wasn't clear as to what it was I needed help with. I had to make myself be heard over the damn barking dogs. My voice was now hoarse and desperate but she was able to save my life in between bouts of laughter.

I thought all moms were supposed to love their children?

Where's my love mom??

Has that ever happened to any of you?


Don't forget to vote for my hairdo, it ends tonight at 11:59pm. Also, I will be choosing the winner of the Pay It Froward thingie on Saturday night to be posted Sunday.

Humor-Blogs

Well, I love stuff and you love stuff but do you love stuff like I love stuff??

I have been blessed ladies and gentlemen.

Please read this post in awe of the love shown and brought forth on to me. I will pass on the love but in my own little typical way. My love is not gooey or chewy and/or syrupy. Is syrupy the same as gooey??

First, Georgie from Decisionally Challenged has sent me a Pay It Forward act of kindness package. I call it a blogger care package. I'll be ready to write down whatever pops into my head as soon as it does before it leaks out! Yeah baby!

Sorry about the picture but lighting is a commodity I don't have in this here Electrician's house.

I will pay it forward as follows, I will write down everybody who comments on this post, put the names in a hat and choose one randomly. That person will get a small gift from me without me expecting anything in return. Nothing. Don't even worry about my birthday coming up on November eleventh. No worries. ;o)

Then, Heinous at Irregrilurly uh Irregilurly um IRREGULARLY PERIODIC RUMINATIONS (damn! hard to do while drinky drinky!) gave me a Kreativ Blogger Award and I have to assume it's due to my mispells and what-not. THANKS HEINOUS! You guys should go check out his blog because his church visits have me in stitches!

The rules are: List 6 things I love and then pass it on to 6 people.



Luckily, I love more than 6 things but I'll try not to be too effusive.

ONE!-
I love how my boss is arrogant enough to think we have it good working for him so we'd never look for another job. It's probably because the majority of the people who work here have been at the Asylum since Moses was looking for the exit sign in the desert. He assumes we are all doormats with the ability to absorb shit off his shoes as he walks on us. To him I say "Fuck you and the egg you rode on. Asshole!"

TWO!-

I love how I'm an old, one wrinkle, lady (I use the term loosely) and am breaking out like if I were a 15 year old on a binge diet of chocolate, fritos and french fries! I can deal with gray hairs and one wrinkle but pimples and zits?? Whoever invented this getting old thing can kiss Tazz's ass!

THREE!-

I love how the attorney I just spoke to found a new way to "caution" me by saying he was going to call the news channels so they may do a report on surgeons gauging their patients. Me? On TV? Really? Can you wait until I have my new hairdo? Maybe then I can tell the news people how the doc rebuilt the patient a-la the bionic man and isn't charging him a million dollars for it. I'm sure it would make sense to then bill $0 but he does have my exorbitant salary to pay so fuck you rat-bastard turd brain.

FOUR!-

I love how Diesel over at Humor-Blogs has deemed my blog PG due to "coarse language and mature themes". Dude! PG?? What the fuck does a bitch have to do to make her fuckin' blog rated NC-17 or at least R? You are messing with my rep. And mature themes? Which ones might those be? The ones where old people grab my boobs and flash me their whities? I won't stand for this shit I hope you know! I was already trying to spice up my blog to a higher rating so now I'll be even more determined!

FIVE!-

I love how I am constantly being bombarded by Obama's campaign.
DON'T GET ALL POLITCAL ON ME M'MKAY??
I'm not saying I'm for or against the guy since I deem that as none of your beezwax. I just don't like my TV time interrupted by a half hour 250 million dollar commercial. Especially considering we're still trying to put our lives back together after The Flood of 2008. Now, if they would have sent me personally a portion of those $250 million, I wouldn't be bitchin' and moanin'.

Am I saying you can buy my vote? If you were smart enough to crack that code, you deserve a scoop of cottage cheese.

What was I talking about? Oh right! It's nice to see we have our priorities straight.
SIX!-

I love how a simple statement at work will get me in trouble:
"Toto, I think you need to shut off the copier and wait 10 seconds for it to reset before you turn it back on" (after a paper jam) Milton then says "I believe it's 20 seconds" walks over, pulls out the manual, reads it for about 10 minutes and determines that yes indeedy! 20 seconds is the way to go! Good to know!

BONUS!-

I love how I never do things the way the rules indicate. I think it's part of my charm, don't you??

The six peeps I will pass it on too aaaaare...

jean knee for her kick ass Etsy store.

Tracy because she'll kick me to the bottom if I don't.

Brian because he never accept awards so I have to find the right one he'll accept.

AngieSS because she has a talent for banners and pictures.

VE because he is insane. No, really! He is! He'll deny it but don't be swayed by his very hot avatar!

Mike because he draws monkeys and the pink would go awesome with his decor. And also, he smells funny.

That's six, right?

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LAST BUT NOT LEAST!

I was Tag Teamed HERE by Chelle B. and Chat Blanc AKA Sandy.
Go read them talk about how awesome I am. It's all totally true you know.
(BTW, they posted a picture of my hairy unshaved leg in a pink rubber boot!)



Phew! I'm tired.

Here is something else you guys can help me with. On Saturday, day of the Lord November first, I will be chopping off my hair. It will be gone. GONE! Please vote on the style I should choose. It will go on the sidebar by the morning.


Humor-Blogs

Tighty Whities Should Be Outlawed Under Penalty of No More Fun For Your Goody Bits!

Hey!

Quick reminder.


I, Bee Lastname, am NOT a doctor, nurse, physician's assistant, physical therapist, radiologist, candy striper (or Candy the Stripper who moonlights as a hooker) or any other titled profession you can think of that needs to see you without pants.



I am simply an overworked business office chick who demands money from insurance companies and lawyers. Just because I have the dual language thing going for me that gives me the extreme pleasure of translating for my non English speaking paisanos, this little skill does not -DOES NOT- give you the right to flash your saggy tighty whities in my face while showing off your chicken legs. No!

Grab the back of the gown and be ashamed of your body like the rest of us!

Now I need to go bleach out my eyes.






Unless... you're a really hot guy (same rule applies as the boob grabbing)(remember the boob grabber??) and let's be real here people! When, oh when, would I ever be that lucky?

Here's something else I found out yesterday. People like squirrels!!! Don't you know how vicious they are? Sure, they can look all cute and cuddly but I can tell you with certainty because I live in a forest-like area, they are horrible little creatures that would snack on your eyes if you fall asleep on a hammock.




If that doesn't scare you, how about if they took your BEER???


It's for the good of humanity!

Humor-Blogs

The De-evolution of my dancing...

I've been told that when I was a wee little Bee, I would run with my legs straight without bending my knees.

Yeah. Everyone, who is at least 10 years older than me, loves LOVES telling me about my weird robot running. Ha ha! What a freakin' riot it was to see me chasing butterflies! Don't worry, that was my only defect, in every other way I was (AM) perfect.

Then I grew up and had to do track, jump hurdles, pole vaults and other body torturing exercises in school so I learned to bend my knees and became a part of the agile, rhythmically blessed population.

My newly learned knee bendiness came in handy in my teen years because I come from a Festive Mexican family who loves parties. What's a party without music? Why have music if not to dance?

So I learned to groove with the best of them. My hips would move like this and that. My feet moved my legs and my upper body followed the rhythm. All appropriate body parts were always in sync.

This skill came in handy in my 20s when I was hitting the clubs scene. Ahh so many memories, so much fun.

As I'm aging, I've noticed that my groove (but not the Stella groove) has either been replaced with Ed Grimley's or it was just killed and buried in an avocado orchard.

Now I find myself dancing, only when I'm alone, to my old-school (as in 90s jams) music and looking like I'm trying to crush and/or kick invisible insects.

I know I can still find the rhythm because I tap my foot at all the right places. I do a mean upper body jam while sitting on a chair but if I get up and try to move all my limbs at once in time to the music? DEH! FAIL!

I need to know what happened, did someone substitute my bone marrow by injecting concrete?? Is it something I can fix? Maybe I can have a Elainebenisdectomy?

Do you know how sad this makes me? I go to parties, such as the one I attended this past Saturday where my brothers nearly broke their backs by break-dancing (by the way, the peer pressure to have me drunk was unbelievable! I just love how the family will unite for one goal and then mercilessly taunt me by saying "if you don't have a drink, you're old!" for crapsake people! it's like we're living in the 90s again and you are my booze buddies!)(I'm also happy to report that, due to my Mojito training of this past summer, I DID NOT GET HALF AS DRUNK AS THE LIL BROTHERS! HA! In your faces!), and see the young 'uns tearing it up, I die a little inside.

I've been living with this secret for a few years now. While I'm glad I got this off my chest, I hope you will be compassionate enough not to mock me.

P.S.

While removing the potting soil from my terracotta pots so that I may store them for the winter, I came across many little nuts like these.

The damn squirrels have been ruining my plants the whole season to store their little winter stash. They've destroyed many beautiful flowers and my pepper plants MY PEPPER PLANTS the little habaneros and jalapeños did not even have a chance to burn anyone's butt on their way out!

When I was putting all the nuts in a container, my beloved husband said "You do realize they're counting on those nuts, right? If you take them, some may not make it through the winter."

My response? Payback, she is a bitch, no??

What? I never said I was nice!!

Humor-Blogs

Just when you thought it was safe to eat bagels…

Hmmm... somebody put this banner on my wall at work. It's probably just a coincidence??

We had our regular Thursday staff meeting this morning where Milton announced she had brought bagels (it was her week to bring treats and she always brings bagels), but she wanted us to do her a favor.

If you are at all familiar with my Milton, you will know 2 things:

She is a female.

She is weird.

This was her favor.

"When you guys use the cream cheese, can you remove the top layer bit by bit and not use chunks from the middle or edges?"

… What?

"I know it's an odd request but I like to keep the cream cheese as esthetically pleasing to the eye as possible and not have craters along the container."

… That's funny, I like for it to be pleasing to my tummy.

"I know you guys are going to be making fun of me behind my back for this request but I don't care as long as you do as I ask"

… No, I will mock you to your front too:

"Don't worry Milton, I'll go and level it out after each person uses it!"

Sadly, people are heartless and did horrible things to the poor cream cheese! It was too late to use my trusty level. :o(

Bastards.

Humor-Blogs

I am going out and buying all the Bailey's I can find.

Okay so, I have to make a few announcements. No groaning please!

First, I want to say that I've been honored by 2 awards and one interview.

The first award I received back on 10/9/08 but I've been doing house/flood stuff so I've been neglecting my bloggy duties (and my wifely duties but that is a matter for a different kind of audience).

I got it (sounds like she transferred some weird disease!) from AngieSS from Cup of Snarky Humor Blog. It's the Arte y Pico award which, by the rules, you are supposed to link back to him/her.

I'm gonna say that he/her can come over personally and tell me why we should all be linking to it/she/him. Has he/her/it come by anybody's blog/site/house and thanked them/they/us?

Mr./Mrs./Dr. come out come out wherever you are! Okay, it's really a she but I like doing the he/it/she/what? bit.

At any rate, I thank Angie and gladly link her all over the place! Watch: link link link link blink link. Thanks Angie, for recognize all the qualities my ex-best friend in the 11th grade could not! Also, I am terribly sorry your blog is not rated NC-17 and the cuss-o-meter doesn't read "93.9% of all obscenities are centered on this blog". ::shaking head sadly::

My next award was by the one and only Suzy at Hollywood Where Hot Comes to Die. And I quote "Do NOT cross this chick because she will cross you back, only hers will be funny."

Tell me that is not an awesome thing for her to say! Coming from Suzy, that is a huge compliment.

Thanks Suzy!




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The interview.

A new blogger that goes by the name of Abstract (very cool name and I wish I had come up with something awesome when I first started blogging! Look at me! I'm an insect!), sent me a few questions and asked if it would be okay to feature little OLD me on her first post.

Since I'm a sucker for flattery and ego boosting, I accepted on the condition that she give me top billing! ...I don't know what that means either.

The name of her site is Great Sites Everyone Should Read. Here is the link for my interview.

She posted it last night and said "It looks amateurish and I'm sorry for that. Once I'm more experienced in the art of blogging I will re-do you."

Well! A re-do. I'm hoping it's because I'm that awesome and not because I didn't please her the first time. Anyway, go check her out please and show her some comment love.

I'll be very embarrassed if you don't since I personally believe she chose the wrong horse. I said HORSE! Not whores. Dammit people!

Anyway, I think that's it for now. Oh! How hot is the chick in this commercial?

Humor-Blogs

The Yearly Haunting of Cor-Rut Manor.

Here stood a house. A house of light and laughter (and some screams but they were good screams) with joy and merriment, birds dancing jigs and apples on a stick covered with caramel for all (the apples were covered with caramel, not the sticks) (well, the sticks did have a little caramel but that was more of an accidental over spill) (and peanuts) (I said PEANUTS!)

This went on from mid January to the beginnings of September. This was known as the Dazzling Period. However, as is custom with all legends and fairy tales, the Dazzling Period had to share its existence on this world with a far more sinister time.

This, was known as, The Dark Period, there was no laughter to be heard in the halls during this time. No shiny happy people holding hands.

♫♪☼Shiny Happy people hoooolding haaands! ♫♪☼

According to those who survived to tell the tale, The Dark Period was a demonic possession of a mild mannered electrician. A demonic possession that brought forth upon North America a wrathful being who haunted and grunted and scorned and burped.

It raged, it flounced, it stomped, it S W O R E . The vilest of words that echoed throughout the mighty halls of Cor-Rut Manor. Their vulgarity enough to scorch the paint in large chunks off the walls. Giving them an eerie look, almost as if they were crying from the sheer torture of having to endure the distorted insults to an unknowing enemy.

The murderous inflection put upon the words "WHAT?? YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKIN' KIDDING ME!!" made the windows rattle with a might only to be mirrored by the gale force winds of a powerful hurricane.

Even the fearless woman who inhabited the manor would find her knees trembling (and not the good kind of trembling), looking for the safest place to hide. One that would protect her ears from the outraged shrieks and vengeful threats declaring a physical assault on people by 'stuffing their heads up their asses'.

It made dogs behave in an unusual manner. Almost as if they could see the dreaded being himself. They stood and barked until their voices were hoarse and all they could do was whine. Their rabid behavior only angering the entity even more until it was a battle of wits to see who would back down with their tail between their legs and then slink off into a corner to whimper.

Even though these manifestations would only happen once a week, the aftershocks resulted in many a seismic outburst of daily protestations declaring a certain profession 'a bunch of pricks' and 'sell outs'.

The hauntings varied from year to year in their duration. It was rare they went into the month of January since the source of this creature's wrath tended to….. well, SUCK.

The good woman of the house would often be heard moaning (and not the good kind of moaning), asking the powers that be to end her torture by transforming this creature back into the mild mannered quiet man he once was. Sadly, her wishes were never granted.

Legend has it, that the woman had sucked the last bit of sanity from her Mojito and with superhuman strength, picked up this vicious creature, put him over her knee and proceeded to give him the butt whooping he deserved.

His outraged howls could be heard throughout the land! Even in the remote caves of The Texan Lands.

After he had calmed down, gathered his bearings and transformed himself back to the mild mannered electrician, he apologized for his behavior asking the beautiful woman to please spank him again... but this time while pulling his hair. That, my friends, is a story for another day.

Note from the editor:
There is usually an underlying reason for such demonic possessions. In this case, the message here is clear:

Death to football!!

Humor-Blogs

Oh the trials and tribulations of having to do stuff!

I'm sorry if I wasn't around this weekend to visit your blogs but I was doing this:
this:

this:
And arguing with Andy about how to close a bag of chips. He thinks it should be like this:
Hello Mr. Stale icky chips!!!
.
Anyway, I'll be back to bore you guys later!

Humor-Blogs

Oh Gahndi! Will you be my bodygaurd? I know you're dead but I'm sure we can work something out.

As I type this, it's a beautiful evening in Chicagoland. The kind I love and look forward to every year. I'm sitting next to the open window (don't tell Andy, he'll yell if he finds out I opened it again) letting the cool breeze freeze my toes. Our trees seem to be glowing from the fall colors and I know what this weekend's chores will be, picking up soggy leaves and burning the dry branches. Fall? Te adoro!

After reading that, you are probably thinking "Oh good! Bee's in a great mood and it's about time! I'm tired of her constantly w h i n i n g!"

Yeah, dream a little dream, people!

Do you guys know who Gandhi was? Apparently he was some dude who was always peaceful and I believe he won a peace prize for not losing his shit (I can't be bothered to look him up so if you know more about him and I got any of it wrong, don't correct me because you'll only anger the beast)(thanks). Well, even that guy would go apeshit at the Asylum. He would probably hide under people's desks and slash their ankles with a sharpened calculator! … Not that I've EVER thought of doing that… nope.

Went bat* huntin' and...

Weirdly, my relationship with the attorneys I have to deal with has gotten better. I don't know if word has gotten out about my MAD negotiating skillz or what but I now get nice, even tempered requests to go fuck myself as opposed to those rage filled tirades. I call that progress! Yay me!

You know what I've learned here at Arkham Asylum and will be careful not to repeat when I find another job? Now listen up people because this is very important. Your mental well being might hinge on this piece of information I'm about to impart. Are you ready?

No mater what— NO MATTER WHAT!!! Never EVER volunteer to do anything!
.
If you are trying to fit in and have people think you are one of the good guys STOP!
Let's say you just started working at a place and they just opened a Subway across the lot and your Office Manager asks if anyone would mind going across to get the boss a sandwich, do not (NO!) DO NOT take pity on the old decrepit crones and say "Oh, I'll go.".

If you do, you will forever be known as the dog who goes and fetches. And the times you say no? Woo boy! It'll be like you just told them you filled their gas tank with sugar.

If, for example, your job description does not say you have to relieve the receptionist but you think "Meh, I should volunteer so that everybody is equally watching the front desk. What can it hurt?"

For the love of peaches!! STOP!!

What will happen is that they will EXPECT you to KNOW everything there is about that desk. They will EXPECT you to ALWAYS be the one to be her back up even on Fridays.
You remember Fridays, right? The days you are already stressed to your eyelashes because you have to meet with a demanding boss who will give you a list of accounts that'll have you scurrying and then just want to talk about how nutritious Cheerios are. Really? Lower your cholesterol you say? May reduce the chances of a heart attack or heart disease.

Well, sign me up for a fuckin boatload there sparky because MY heart is doing all kinds of funny things right now! Oh what pretty dots I see.

FUCKERS!

Uh, but I'm not bitter.

*Bats is what I call all some of my coworkers.
.
Humor-Blogs

P.S.
My 36th birthday is rapidly approaching. It hopped on a jet and will be landing on my head faster than I can say "What The Fu-"!
.
(THAT'S THE BIG THREE SIX PEOPLE!)
Last year, I started bitching about it in August. You've been lucky so far.

Happy Boss's Day! Whenever that may be...

Yeah, I'm thrilled to be fuckin' workin' here! [BIG FAKE SMILE]

Humor-Blogs

If coffee were a person, I'd marry it. Or worse.

Terrorist ridden computer

Damn.

I'm tired.

Have you ever been so tired you feel drunk? There was a legitimate study, done by some brainy people somewhere, which determined sleep deprivation had the same effects on the body as being inebriated... only without the sweet smell of stanky bar (why is *stank* a word but not *stanky*?).

.

Remember that smell? It was kind of a mixture of stale cigarettes smoke, beer, whiskey, body odor and in some cases for those of us who had too much fun...

... v o m i t.

You thought I was going to say *sex* didn't you? I knew you'd think that because you are all a bunch of perverts! Except you right there.
.
I used to come home from the clubs, strip on my way to the bathroom and leave my clothes in a puddle outside the door (that's right! I said PUDDLE). I'd put on my PJs (or what I could of my PJs), grab my clothes and dump them outside so they wouldn't stink up my tiny bedroom.
Ah Good times!

What was my point? Oh yeah. I'm tired.

This morning, while walking with my heaven's elixir, disguising itself as crappy office coffee, I almost stumbled and spilled it! And I wasn't even wearing high heels! I need to do something about getting some sleep.

I've tried counting goats but that just makes me hungry.

I blame the lack of sleep on the excrement littering our path lately.

Oh yeah! I found out Omarosa (artist formerly known as Glynda the Office Manager) suspects something is up and I might be looking for another job.
Lesser women/men would be shaking in their stilettos but not THIS CHICK! This
chick is hoping the adrenaline will wake her the hell up!

I guess I don't have a point here except maybe to say I'm TIRED!

When I used to go to the clubs and come home at 4 AM, I'd pass out after my nightly ritual, get my ass out of bed at 7AM to go to work at the chicken joint, work until 3-4 and was fine. Bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Then I'd come home, take a nap and be ready to hit the clubs again.

Why can't I stay awake now? I sit at my desk FREEZING because when I'm sleepy I get cold, and constantly feel like I'm nodding off (is it just me, or does anybody else giggle when you say or hear "nodding off" I don't know why it's funny to me but it is)(maybe because I'M TIRED). In fact, the only thing keeping me awake is typing this post.

Which brings me to the way I have to do my posts. I have to type them up on a patient account I made up, print it, delete it, take it home, try not to lose it (the paper not my mind), eat dinner (only relevant because this is where I re-read it and make additions or subtractions "should I remove this whole parenthesis since they might get bored and just go google 'naked woman window'? nah!"), try to decipher my hieroglyphics, turn on my laptop, and then retype it on blogger. Yup, all because my computer is still terrorist ridden.

.
Hey? Did I mention I'm tired?
.
Where was I?

.

Now I can't remember what this post was going to be about. Oh well, now we're all confused. And probably tired.

.

What time is it?

.

Humor-Blogs

.

P.S.

Damn you Madagascar II! Now I will be singing "I like to move it move it!" for a year!

.

P.P.S.

Behold! My Saturday. [I wonder if I can find an exciting life on Craig's List.]

Okay, so yeah. My lame Saturday as per my promise to participate in Mrs. G's, from Derfwad Manor, play by play chronicling.

I forgot to charge the batteries in my camera so all the photo-chronicling is done via Scarlett.

I know I'm always bragging about how exciting and awesome my life is and you guys are always jealous and want to be me so this might disappoint you a little.

6-ish:
At the butt crack of dawn, the dogs must go out and do their thing! Bastards!


While waiting for the dogs to finish up whatever it is dogs doo-doo, I went and congratulated my friend Brian for his Blogaversary. One whole year!
He did a day in the life of too. His was very well written and puts mine to shame TO SHAME I tell you!



After the dogs came inside, I went back to bed.

8:40:
We heard the doorbell and jumped out of bed. It was my Father-In-Law Jahnnie. He came to help Andy with the demolition of the laundry room.

He kept wondering why the hell we were still in bed. Well pops, none of your beezwax! ;op


8:50
Then I held one of our stools while Andy did the electrical thing he does where he fixes lights by magic. Well, that is to say, ONE light since the kitchen is the only place where I have good lighting.



9:00 AM
I finally had my coffee! Damn! I don't know how people expect me to function without it! My mom was there too but she said I'd have to give her money to post her picture. I'm cheap.



10:00 AM
Yawned, did some contemplating "I wonder who would win if a spider fought one of those giant mosquitoes. My money is on the spider. Okay a spider against a scorpion. The scorpion would shred the spider to pieces. Stupid spiders! Should I cut my hair next weekend? I wonder if I'll be brave enough to cut it short? ..."



11:00
Did some gardening. Whereas I contemplated genetically enhancing the stupid spiders so they could kill the squirrels that are digging up my garden.



12:00PM
Took a shower. If you are picturing me naked, you are only harming yourself.



12:30PM
Ordered pizza and had this convo:

Bee:
Do you guys deliver to my house? ... But we're really close! ... It will take you about 10 minutes. ... Fine! I'll go pick it up!



1:00 PM
Went to pick up my very delicious pizza that is totally worth breaking my *no driving on the weekend* rules. I figured I should go since Andy was pulling out moldy drywall.


The hat and I came back exactly 10 minutes later. Dumbasses!!

1:13
We had our lunch.

2:00PM
Since my man was working so hard, I decided to be productive and reorganize my closet AGAIN.



2:07PM
Got bored and went to read my Glam Mag.


2:08 PM
Became very confused when I noticed how blurry it was! Thought to self "WTF! I pay good money for this Jane wanna be and they give me blurriness??"



2:08 and some seconds PM
Turned the page and found out they were 3D pages! Scoffed! Give me a break Shark Jumpers! 3D?? What am I? FIVE??

2:08 and some more seconds PM
Decided that from now on, I want to read everything only in 3D.

2:30-3ish (lost track of time)
Blogged stalked.


3-ishPM
Andy made me go with him to the supermarket. ::sigh::
On the way there, I bent iron and concrete-like things.



3:45PM
Waited for Andy to buy cheese or whatever you get in a deli.


Andy is the one in red.

3:46PM
Saw a football shaped sausage. Laughed.



4:30PM
Put groceries away. Sorry, as exciting as it was, I forgot to take a picture.

4:45PM
Finished organizing my closet so that I may...

5:30PM
... Nap.



7:30 PM
Woke up, thought it was Monday and I was running late again! Realized it was still Saturday, did a victory dance, reheated pizza. Ate it.



9:00PM
Ordered Sex in the City.

I know I know, I suck. I was bored and couldn't decide what movie to watch. I wasn't a fan of the show so don't get mad when I say it was just okay.
SJP is not one of my favorite people and her face makes me want to become a lobbyist and bribe congress so they may pass a law that ugly people should wear masks.
I'll never understand how she became a star.

Wow. That sounded really mean. And now you're thinking I hate ugly people because I went on a rant about Paul Giamatti. No, I don't hate ugly people. I'm sure they're nice.

11:59PM
Bee go sleepy night night.

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I JUST REALIZED! I didn't go poopsie the whole day (jean knee!)! That's because ladies don't do dirty things like that.

I hope you enjoyed the look into my lame-o life. Now you know why I blog.

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Update on WrinkleGATE* 2008

(* That *GATE* part was added for John J. Savo The Authoring Auctioneer.)

Okay, so the general consensus is that it's actually a happy smile line.
Here are some people I uh, consenced.

Milton:
Where? I don't see it!

Me:
Right here [pointing, contorting face]

Milton:
Still can't see it.

Me:
[fake smiling] RIGHT HERE!

Milton:
Oh that baby thing? That's a cute little smile line. Goes well with your dimples.

Me:
Uh. Okay?

I have to worry about dimple wrinkles now??

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PD:
Where? I don't see it! [then, after me making Jack Nicholson Joker scary faces] Please! You can't even call that a wrinkle! THIS IS A WRINKLE!

[She smiled and disappeared! Sitting before me was a prune. Just kidding. It was PD. I should stop making fun of her since she was being nice.]

The same thing happened another 3 times or so (a perk for working with people 30 years older than me) until I went home to my 32 year old husband.

We shall call him Mr. Insensitivo.

Me:
The ladies said I was overreacting on the whole WrinkleGATE. Do you see it?

Mr Insensitivo:
Uh... Oh! I've seen it before! It only shows up when you sneer and/or smirk. I'd say it's your punishment for always being snarky. There I said it.

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In other non life threatening news, on Monday day of the lord uh three-eth ten (13) of October. I will post a "day in the life of Bee". Mrs. G. from Derfwad Manor is posting a play by play with photos of her typical day and asked if anybody wanted to play along. I though it'd be fun so I decided to join in.

On Saturday morning, I will wake up and catalog every hour of the day (I HEARD THOSE GROANS!) sometimes with pictures and post it on Monday. If anybody wants to partake in the fun-ness leave your linkers and I'll hook them up here too.

To recap, no matter how boring Saturday turns out to be, I will pat it on the ass and send it forth onto the interworldwidewebisphere on 10/13/08.

I think it would be fun if you join in, especially YOU! Must be posted on Monday the 13th. Hopefuly early and not at like 10:30pm.
.
I think that's all I got. I lost my stupid sheet of paper where I had written my post at work so I might have forgotten something. It was probably really funny too!
.
P.S.
I know I'm technically posting this on Saturday and I should TECHNICALLY ALLEGEDLY start already but you know me and rules.
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P.P.S
I have an NC-17 rating on my blog, nothing new, we've discussed it before. Remember my cuss-o-meter was at 97%??? Ahhh good times! Anyway, I want it to go up to X rated or whatever so I will be hiding swears throughout my posts so I get bumped up to the next level.
I apologize in advance but there's nothing I can do.



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