Tuesday, October 14, 2008

If coffee were a person, I'd marry it. Or worse.

Terrorist ridden computer

I'm tired.
Have you ever been so tired you feel drunk? There was a legitimate study, done by some brainy people somewhere, which determined sleep deprivation had the same effects on the body as being inebriated... only without the sweet smell of stanky bar (why is *stank* a word but not *stanky*?).
Remember that smell? It was kind of a mixture of stale cigarettes smoke, beer, whiskey, body odor and in some cases for those of us who had too much fun...
... v o m i t.
You thought I was going to say *sex* didn't you? I knew you'd think that because you are all a bunch of perverts! Except you right there.
I used to come home from the clubs, strip on my way to the bathroom and leave my clothes in a puddle outside the door (that's right! I said PUDDLE). I'd put on my PJs (or what I could of my PJs), grab my clothes and dump them outside so they wouldn't stink up my tiny bedroom.
Ah Good times!

What was my point? Oh yeah. I'm tired.

This morning, while walking with my heaven's elixir, disguising itself as crappy office coffee, I almost stumbled and spilled it! And I wasn't even wearing high heels! I need to do something about getting some sleep.

I've tried counting goats but that just makes me hungry.

I blame the lack of sleep on the excrement littering our path lately.
Oh yeah! I found out Omarosa (artist formerly known as Glynda the Office Manager) suspects something is up and I might be looking for another job.
Lesser women/men would be shaking in their stilettos but not THIS CHICK! This
chick is hoping the adrenaline will wake her the hell up!

I guess I don't have a point here except maybe to say I'm TIRED!

When I used to go to the clubs and come home at 4 AM, I'd pass out after my nightly ritual, get my ass out of bed at 7AM to go to work at the chicken joint, work until 3-4 and was fine. Bright eyed and bushy tailed.
Then I'd come home, take a nap and be ready to hit the clubs again.

Why can't I stay awake now? I sit at my desk FREEZING because when I'm sleepy I get cold, and constantly feel like I'm nodding off (is it just me, or does anybody else giggle when you say or hear "nodding off" I don't know why it's funny to me but it is)(maybe because I'M TIRED). In fact, the only thing keeping me awake is typing this post.

Which brings me to the way I have to do my posts. I have to type them up on a patient account I made up, print it, delete it, take it home, try not to lose it (the paper not my mind), eat dinner (only relevant because this is where I re-read it and make additions or subtractions "should I remove this whole parenthesis since they might get bored and just go google 'naked woman window'? nah!"), try to decipher my hieroglyphics, turn on my laptop, and then retype it on blogger. Yup, all because my computer is still terrorist ridden.
Hey? Did I mention I'm tired?
Where was I?
Now I can't remember what this post was going to be about. Oh well, now we're all confused. And probably tired.
What time is it?
Damn you Madagascar II! Now I will be singing "I like to move it move it!" for a year!


  1. whatre you gonna tell her if she asks you? wasn't friday your 3 year anniversary? i don't say celebratory post anywhere!

  2. i meant SEE! i think im tired too the keys all look the same.

  3. Don't worry - HSM3 is out soon, so the "move it, move it" will soon be displaced.

  4. This tiredness thing appears to be a symptom of getting older. It's even started happening to me...

  5. Bee... do what *I* do - stay awaake for 48 hours straight (Thank you, insomnia!) and then you kinda get so off-kilter that you don't even NOTICE that you're tired anymore. I think I go on auto-pilot like in "Click."

    Coffee? Eh. Doesn't do a thing for me, nor does Jolt or RedBull (which should be called (I poured Mt. Dew into Pepto! Aren't you IMPRESSED?)

    As you can see by the timestamp on this, I'm *still* up. And I have to go through 4 hours of torture at the pain clinic in 5 hours! Hooray! *does the fuck-the-world dance*

    Of course, things could be worse... we could be down to our last $50 and have the hubby's unemplyment get denied... oh WAIT! It did.

    Now I'm officially sleep deprived AND shit broke. Heh.

    GO ME!

    (I need sleep, too, can ya tell?)

  6. Oh! And while you have *that* song in your head (I almost typed MY head), I was forced to watch Camp Rock with the little one... so now I have images of the Jonas Brothers and the obnoxious nonsense that is Demi Lovato in my head. Yippee!

  7. So, let me get this straight, because your post was made up of exhausted ramblings, we're supposed to do the same in the comments?
    You wanna know what's starting to worry me, Bee? I read that post and I completely understood where you were coming from, I knew the kind of tired you were describing, and by the end of the post, even though you forgot what the post was going to be about, I was sad that it was over. I understand you. That's all.
    With all the MS meds I'm on, I have boughts with insomnia too and towards the end I have the drunken exhaustion too all without having to drink a drop of alchohol. Funny but it doesn't seem to be as much fun as it used to be.

  8. I've been sleep deprived enough where I've fallen asleep at a red light. But that wasn't as bad as when I fell asleep when I was actually driving...

    But I'm saving that for blog fodder. Should be good for atleast a couple of posts.

  9. I didn't know sharks had dicks. hmmmmm

  10. You know what I miss?

    The days when you could drink all day and night, party until you were so tired that you could fall alseep with your eyes OPEN, and then wake up and go again!

    Now? I'm lucky if I can get home from work and not fall alseep while changing my clothes!

    Getting older sucks, and I really don't like it.

    But heck, I've got some great kids and a wonderful wife for the trouble, so I think I'm breaking even at the moment!

  11. You're on the right track. Coffee is an excellent sleep substitute. Our coffee at work tastes like it was slow-roasted over a burning tire. Hopefully yours is at least marginally better.

  12. JAVAjavaJAVAjavaJAVAjavaJAVA!!!

    i hate coffee.

    Anyways... Bee! I know exactly how you feel, anything high in potassium does this to me. blueberry muffin for breakfast? NOT ON YOUR LIFE. Banana? NOPE. I can't even eat twizzlers... i will literally fall asleep, nod off, or do the zombie shuffle while i'm standing, sitting, walking... doesn't matter. horrible, horrible stuff, and i feel for ya.

  13. I'm with Tracy.

    I can totally relate. When I am overly tired I do feel drunk. Except I'm not puking.

    And it is sooo irritating....now that I am 31 and have a preschool-age kid, I really look forward to going to bed on Friday night.

    But 5-6 years ago? I was wild.

  14. Obvious some kind of coffee drip feed is the answer.

    Simple, really.

  15. Haha where did Suck my dick come into play with the "IM A SHAARK" cartoon.


  16. was that singing shark your sleep deprived hallucination or mine?

  17. I don't personally have a problem falling asl

  18. I am exhausted, too. I'm actually hoping for time to speed up to the date Madagascar II comes out, because, if it's like the last movie, I'll be asleep within 20 minutes of it starting and I can get some rest the day I have to take my kids to see it. Sweet, sweet, annoying cartoon relief.

    PPS - that singing shark? awesome...

  19. Hey, I was up for 60 straight hours and had to go to CANADA on 4 planes in 29 hours, AND DO A SHOW. So I win.

  20. I think that your lethargy may be directly connected to your age... In other words, you're getting old.

    But I can relate to the whole club thing. Still do it once in a while myself.

  21. Oh, honey, there are far worse things to have stuck in your head. A kid in my high school once had a fork stuck in his. True story.

    I hate Omarosa. I'll hate anyone you tell me to.

  22. I read this, then wondered: Is it too late for me to get very, very scared and run away? Test your thyroid girl.

  23. Damn YOU for mentioning that movie, because now I'LL be singing that song for a year...

    That picture is bizarre but oddly funny-- my kinda thing.


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