Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The adventures of Mom the efficient robot and her slacker daughter, Bee. Some Andy too.

Okay, how different can mom and I be?

The other day, I was happily clicking (by clicking I mean blog stalking and/or wishing some people into oblivion)(for what it's worth, my wishes never come true so you have nothing to fear you douche bags that piss me off!)(unless we meet in person, then you better run faster than my little legs can)(sorry, still having crappy times @ Beeland) away while my mom watched TV in my living room. All of a sudden she gets up and says "I have a headache..." if you think her next words were 'I'm going to take a nap' you are as clueless as I am and now I like you better. What she said was "... I'm going to clean."

Uh seriously? Who does that?? My mom, that's who! This is the same lady that rearranged furniture all by herself when she was 8 1/2 months pregnant with me! Which might explain some things...

Let's imagine I have a headache and see how that scenario would have played out, shall we?

"Dammit! My head hurts!" click click scroll read more blogs "Gah! Will this torture ever end!!" pick up cell phone and call Andy who is in another room "Babe, can you bring me a couple of Advil and some Pomegranate juice? ... Because my head really hurts. ... Reading blogs. ... I know I'm closer to the kitchen but- okaaaay! I'll wait for you to kill another troll!" mutter mutter click click laugh laugh "Ouch!" pick up cell phone call Andy, hear Darth Vader's ring tone thingy in the distance "Head. Still. Hurts. ... Okay, I'll go lie down and I guess I can go get my own Advil and juice."

Get up, medicate myself while balancing laptop, extension cord and glass of juice.

Set up my laptop on the bed, turn on the TV, click click click click.

Not once, do I think 'I should tidy up the house'.

I never said it was easy to live with me. I am a demanding short person.

While looking for a more attractive than myself picture of a women in bed with a red laptop (yup I am very specific in the images I bring forth onto you guys, you're welcome!), I came a cross this:

I shall call it "Woman on red balls"

Anyway, the website Pure Contemporary is abso-freakin'-lutely awesome! When I finally find a sucker kindly rich person to buy my liver, I will decorate my house from corner to corner in awesomeness!

Things that pissed me off today:

Andy, can you turn on the grill so it's hot when I come home?


Yeaaaah but I'm not asking you to stand outside the whole time! Just turn it on and then run back inside!


Ya' know what?? I forgot about your fear of melting! I'll do it myself!

2 hours after he ate the deliciousness which is my grilling.

Mmmm! That was good Bee!

It's a good thing I had my super anti-melting jacket on so that I may provide you with your meat!

Okay it was just one thing.

Humor-Blogs, they have no fear of water.


  1. ROFL! at the red rolling balls! Love the image. Hmm, might have to think of re-decorating myself.
    And so with you on the house cleaning with or without a headache. I'd prefer to just sweep it all into garbage bags myself, but unfortunately I have these people I live with who would probably object to that. Dammit. And I will ask for the other half to bring me the advil. When he's laying right beside me. So we're both equal distance to it. LOL!

  2. Next time you have a headache, you should try cleaning the house and see if it works...

  3. Hell, I don't clean the house when I don't have a headache. You want Advil. Smile sweetly and tell him you will try to get up and get it, but when you stand it feels like you will faint. Thank you honey, I would have gotten it myself.

  4. it's a medical fact of some kind that cleaning the house gives me a headache.

  5. If I have a headache I just lie in bed and whimper

    no wait, that's something else--never mind

  6. Heh..

    With a headache, there's only one way to fix it with me..


    No sex, headache stays. Work doesn't get done, and the place falls apart!

    Of course, there are the times when I FAKE the headache too, but for some reason, she can see right through those!

    Oh, and at least he said the cooking was good! There are times when I'll slave over a great meal, and all I'll get is a "Don't expect me to clean up your dishes and mess now"

  7. Headache = make mate do everything. It works out nice if both play along.

  8. LOL!
    You have an incredibly melting husband too? Crazy!
    BTW, will you send your mom over to my house the next time she get a headache? Please?

  9. Andy's fear of melting is well founded - you can't be too careful.

    Does he do that impression from the Wizard of Oz?

  10. I don't feel so well today. Before I laid down, I did try to pick up around the kitchen. Then I thought I was going to die, and didn't want to be found that way, so I laid down. Trouble is, I still don't feel well, and my kitchen is a hole. Can your mom come over?

  11. Um, do you know the sort of traffic you'll get by typing "woman on red balls". It will be awesome. Did you call your husband on his cell phone from across the house? That is something I would totally do!

  12. Your post had me laughing already... and them I came across the fact that your ringtome on Andy's phone is the Darth Vader theme... Hmm... Ralph has his set to the same thing for when *I* call... ROFL

    Yet ONE more thing that makes me wish you'd have paddled your way north during the big, bad flood. =P

  13. Demanding short people ROCK! :D Cleaning SUCKS! And your mom suffers from the same condition my mom does. Weird how it skipped our generation.

  14. JT:
    He usually will bring them to me but if he's in the middle of a "quest" or "mission" or whatever it's called, his poor wife has to sit and suffer! :o)

    I am unfamiliar with the word "C L E A N" what does that mean?

    Ha ha! Are there cameras in my house?? ;o)

    Me too!

    jean knee:
    Ha ha! I know what you mean!

    Funny you said that SEX fixes everything because the hubs will hurt his shoulder and then wink at me when I ask if he needs anything!

    As always, I think you should teach a *How to be a Husband* class! :o)

    Weird how he melts when it comes to grilling but will bake cookies with no excuses.

    I just went and threw a glass of water at him and the answer is, if the impression is "WTF do you think you're doing you just messed up my keyboard!" then yes.

    I blamed it on you.

    :o( I hope you feel better! I can't send my mom becasue well, she is my rock but I'll go clean your house for you! I'll need a comfy chair, pom juice and WiFi.

    I am hoping a lot of traffic! ;op

    I always call him from my cell phone. We used to have an intercom system but I'd be the only one to use it and everybody would ignore me...

    Ha ha! We are a couple of chicks to be feared!

    Make in the next flood? :o)

    Yup! I clean once a week but apparently that's not enough...

  15. Hmmm... would your mom have sex even with a headache? Cleaning is harder than sex...

  16. Hey, I've never been on red balls before -- some blue ones perhaps.

    Bee, I was laughing so hard at this post. OMG we are soooo much alike it is scary. Do you think this kind of personality just comes with being short?

    Anyhowser, I've heard that sex will cure a headache, but never, never cleaning! :^)

  17. Killing trolls is very serious and important Bee. I am glad you know Andy would not abandon his Important Killing Troll Quest for nothing.

    Furthermore, your Andy man should not be placed into any dangerous situation in real life. Who would kill trolls online then Bee?!? Please, refrain from asking him to go out in the rain woman!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.