Sunday, October 5, 2008

I went on a date and almost got lucky!


I went on a date on Friday night. If you have been here a time or two, you know that I normally do not go out late... or on dates for that matter but this blue eyed charmer talked me into going out him.

Now, before you go running and tell Andy, HE is the blue eyed charmer.

We decided to break our first-showing-matinee-movie-and-lunch outings and join the young 'uns who dare go out after 6pm. To celebrate this momentous occasion, I wore a nice pair of black pants, my soft purrty brown cashmere sweater and some killer brown shoes. I perfumed up, painted my face and tried my best to be passable to the eye.

Andy on the other hand.

"Should I shower?"

Ummm babe? You work in construction and wear a filthy hat but if you just want to wear your work clothes and bring your tool belt? Be my guest.

That was me at my most passive aggressive but it seemed to work because he took a shower AND EVEN PUT ON COLOGNE! Yeah it was a special treat.

On the way to the fine dining which is Mandarin Cuisine, I decided to take a picture of my newly dyed hair sans RED streaks (I heard the fairies crying). I took a few and then I noticed Andy's funky face in the background and nearly peed myself laughing!

This, ladies and gents, is why I keep him on the payroll.

I know I look like an albino in that picture but I HOPE I'm not THAT white! Anyway, notice no more red. [insert "OH NOs" here]

We arrived at the restaurant where we were greeted by a 3 nippled golden monkey dragon. He let us through once we answered his riddle.

You know, Andy never ceases to amaze me. He can say the sweetest things to me and remain humble about them. For example, after I spilled my Coke and he asked "what did you do?" without moving an inch and just allowed the wait staff to come to the rescue and help me clean it up. He then further made my toes curl by saying "If this was our first date I wouldn't have called you for another one".

Yeah! He said that! I don't make this shit up people!

I replied that I would have turned right around after seeing his goofy hair (IT'S LONG AGAIN!) without even giving him a chance. You see, that is how we interact with each other. We were friends before we started going out so the taunting has now been perfected. I for one think it's healthy.

Once my tea arrived I was back to my mellow self, soda disaster semi-forgotten until...

... they brought my replacement soda! Andy decided to place it in front of him with the straw pointing at me. When I wanted to take a drink, he would slide it towards me while holding on to the bottom of the glass. Who else thinks he was overreacting?

Then I got distracted by my food arriving. Mmmmmm funky smelling food that tastes delicious!

(The one with the orange? That's Orange Chicken Brian.)

At the end of the meal (I brought home most of my food because they give you enough of it to feed a family of 7 AND their pets), we were brought our fortune cookies. Mine said "Opportunity awaits you next Monday"... unfortunately, I'm confused as to what Monday. If it were tomorrow, wouldn't it have said "this coming Monday"? Or did it just mean the NEXT Monday in my life? Stupid fortune cookies ruining my life! Now I'm going to be freaking out looking over my shoulder! Andy's said "Fortune will smile upon you", I predict great things for the Cor-Rut family.

Even though technically we were going out for Andy's birthday, we went to see my Brad in Burn After Reading. I'm not sure if the critics liked or hated this movie but we thought it was hilarious! (No, I'm not biased because my beautiful Brad is in it, it really was funny!)

And so ended my date. All in all I give it a 7 out of a possible 10 because he only let me get to 3rd base.

○\○\○\○\/○/○/○/○ ○\○\○\○\/○/○/○/○ ○\○\○\○\/○/○/○/○

Don't forget to vote for me at Humor Bloggers dot com. It seems the voting ends on December 31st so don't dilly dally! LINK FOR VOTING HERE.

This post brought to you by Dead Tree Lumber.

Dead Tree Lumber, the only wood you will need to keep you keep warm because your furnace decided to crap out on you just because of a little flood.



  1. Jesus, Bee, you're an artist with words. A perfectly normal (well, so to speak) date and you make it so damned funny, we all wish we had gone with you. I laughed all through it!

  2. FUNNY! I can't figure out who is more romantic: your hubby or your brother, lol. Your brother says the most romantic things to me and all I want to do is punch him in the face or stab him with a toothpick. Don't believe me? Today during dinner:

    DW: "Honey, I can't believe that I still love you after all this time"

    Me: "Excuse me? All this time? We've only been married one year!!"

    Then he tried to sugar coat and explain what he really meant, which didn't come out the way it should have.


  3. This is pure, unadulterated romance! I am going to print this out and make my husband read it as an example of how to treat a lady! He needs the brush up since our anniversary is rapidly approaching.

  4. Funny post and a funny blog. So those are actually chicken brains? I think I'll change to beef and broccoli.

  5. What kind of chicken has orange brains? Radioactive ones?

    At least the cookie didn't say "Monday week", which is used by some English people, and is even more confusing than "Next Monday". You've also got to consider time zones. Is it Monday Peking time? You may find that your opportunity came and went whilst you were asleep.

  6. Wow. Andy's a real Don Juan... But I would have held the cup for you too.

  7. yeah, well once you have a kid you ain't going anywhere with your man ever.

  8. I yelled at my kid for saying canned chili and velveeta on a tortilla wasn't a real dinner.


  9. "Should I shower?" Lol. I must be trained well. I no longer need to answer that question. I also know that the answer to, "are you wearing that?" is, "nope, I was just about to change."

  10. Darn......looks like I should've taken pics on my date too. Better luck getting lucky next time.

  11. I am sobbing openly at how romantic that was. He even bought you orange chicken brians. Are they named after our mutual friend?

  12. awwwww, the model modern marriage. but seriously, he SHOULD have PUT OUT! :P

  13. Three nippled golden monkey sounds like it would make an awesome drink.

  14. I'm so sorry Bee. I never even knew you didn't have a mouth! I will help donate to the "those without a mouth" fund!

  15. It was HIS birthday and he had THAT expression on his face, on the WAY to the date? You should have kicked him to the curb long before now.

  16. Brad only let you get to third base?

    Oh wait, you meant Andy.


    I thought that was odd... cause Brad always lets me go all the way.

    Also, what if the fortune cookie was written a month ago.. maybe your lucky Monday was last week.

  17. Hahaha! I love that look on his face, and your hair looks fabulous sans red streaks. :)

  18. You know, Peter does the same thing. We will get ready to go out, and I'll be dressed like I'm stepping out of Vogue magazine, and he will ask if he should wear something other than jeans and a t-shirt. Duh!

  19. Har! All the way to third base, eh?

    Lucky you...

    Love yer sponsor BTW; hope it's keeping you all warm.

  20. Bill:
    Thanks Bill! I laughed too but for other reasons! ;o)

    Although I feel bad for you, I'm glad I'm not alone! :o)

    Good luck! I hope he showers fro the occasion. :o)

    Yup. They sure were chicken brains nice and spicy!

    Well Brian, I'm hoping it's next week because this day held nothing but crap for me. ;o)

    He sure is! He once pulled his shirt up, grabbed his belly and asked "Huh? Wanna?"

    jean knee:
    Tis why I'm not having any kids. ;op

    jean knee:
    Mmmmm canned chili and Velveeta!

    Ha ha! Umm, you should teach a course.

    I like taking pictures for proof that I have a life every once in a while. :o)

    I know he is just too much for words.

    That is all I'm sayin'!! :o)

    I'd try it too.

    Dammit VE! I had lipstick on but I ate it!

    Wouldn't trade him for the world.

    Wow. Um TMI? ;op

    Chelle b.:
    Yup he is my kind of clown. And thanks!


    It sure is keeping us warm! Although, now it's going to be in the 70s so we should be okay. :o)

  21. What a prince. I'll bet he even takes the dishes out of the sink before he pees in it! (Sorry, been waiting for an excuse to quote from Steel Magnolias- how sad is that?)

    Oh romance... I have a little tear.

  22. Burn After Reading was good, eh? Cheers, Rickey's been waiting for a recommendation on that one, it sounds like a great flick.

  23. You know, that almost reminds me of my last breakfast date with my wife..

    What do you think Bee? Should we swap significant others, and see how happy we can be?

    Grats on the date, and many returns!

  24. 3rd base? I'd have to give that an 8! I mean, what do you want from a guy??? He DID shower after all! ;)

    Great story!

  25. Burn After Reading was a great movie! The hubby and I went to see it last weekend. I am a George lover myself, but I thought they both were really funny...unpredictable...and goofy, but in a cute way.

  26. A date.... Hmmmm I have vague memories of those. Of course, I pretty much have vague memories about everything.

    "Appaloosa" instead of "Burn After Reading".

    Chelle made me type that.

  27. Hey, you do know that when you read fortune cookies, you're supposed to add "in bed" after the saying. Makes things slightly more interesting :P


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.