Here stood a house. A house of light and laughter (and some screams but they were good screams) with joy and merriment, birds dancing jigs and apples on a stick covered with caramel for all (the apples were covered with caramel, not the sticks) (well, the sticks did have a little caramel but that was more of an accidental over spill) (and peanuts) (I said PEANUTS!)
This went on from mid January to the beginnings of September. This was known as the Dazzling Period. However, as is custom with all legends and fairy tales, the Dazzling Period had to share its existence on this world with a far more sinister time.
This, was known as, The Dark Period, there was no laughter to be heard in the halls during this time. No shiny happy people holding hands.
♫♪☼Shiny Happy people hoooolding haaands! ♫♪☼
According to those who survived to tell the tale, The Dark Period was a demonic possession of a mild mannered electrician. A demonic possession that brought forth upon North America a wrathful being who haunted and grunted and scorned and burped.
It raged, it flounced, it stomped, it S W O R E . The vilest of words that echoed throughout the mighty halls of Cor-Rut Manor. Their vulgarity enough to scorch the paint in large chunks off the walls. Giving them an eerie look, almost as if they were crying from the sheer torture of having to endure the distorted insults to an unknowing enemy.
The murderous inflection put upon the words "WHAT?? YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKIN' KIDDING ME!!" made the windows rattle with a might only to be mirrored by the gale force winds of a powerful hurricane.
Even the fearless woman who inhabited the manor would find her knees trembling (and not the good kind of trembling), looking for the safest place to hide. One that would protect her ears from the outraged shrieks and vengeful threats declaring a physical assault on people by 'stuffing their heads up their asses'.
It made dogs behave in an unusual manner. Almost as if they could see the dreaded being himself. They stood and barked until their voices were hoarse and all they could do was whine. Their rabid behavior only angering the entity even more until it was a battle of wits to see who would back down with their tail between their legs and then slink off into a corner to whimper.
Even though these manifestations would only happen once a week, the aftershocks resulted in many a seismic outburst of daily protestations declaring a certain profession 'a bunch of pricks' and 'sell outs'.
The hauntings varied from year to year in their duration. It was rare they went into the month of January since the source of this creature's wrath tended to….. well, SUCK.
The good woman of the house would often be heard moaning (and not the good kind of moaning), asking the powers that be to end her torture by transforming this creature back into the mild mannered quiet man he once was. Sadly, her wishes were never granted.
Legend has it, that the woman had sucked the last bit of sanity from her Mojito and with superhuman strength, picked up this vicious creature, put him over her knee and proceeded to give him the butt whooping he deserved.
His outraged howls could be heard throughout the land! Even in the remote caves of The Texan Lands.
After he had calmed down, gathered his bearings and transformed himself back to the mild mannered electrician, he apologized for his behavior asking the beautiful woman to please spank him again... but this time while pulling his hair. That, my friends, is a story for another day.
Note from the editor:
There is usually an underlying reason for such demonic possessions. In this case, the message here is clear: