Monday, September 24, 2007

When Bras attack! An Injured boob tells her story.


**Warning for Men you might not want to read this since it might contain TMI regarding women stuff!**

So there I was sitting at my desk minding my own business. I was kind of sleepy I won’t lie to you, a little distracted, disinterested in my surroundings etc.

I reached over to grab a chart when all of a sudden I felt this horrible stabbing pain! WTF! The bats got me! They’re trying to stab me to death!
No!
I’m too youngish to die!!

Oh… wait.

It’s just the under-wire of my bra digging a hole on the side of my boob. The freakin’ thing has broken in half and come out of the seam and nearly killed me!

Why do we pay so much money for these damn things if they’re gonna be so generic? I paid $30 ($30!) for this stupid thing and now I’m walking around with a wad of tissue so it doesn’t continue torturing me.

It’s not like I can ask to go home based on a boob injury... well maybe I can but then I’d have to admit what my problem is and that would be pretty embarrassing. Kind of like telling the world I stuff my bra!

Uh… yeah I guess I’m doing that now but you need to be part of my happiness and pain.

41 comments:

  1. LMAO!!!!

    You should pull the whole thing out!!! Then you will have a limpy boob!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I.BEG.YOUR.PARDON!?!?

    Limpy Boob sounds like a band name.

    I like it!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Scaffolding:

    A couple of (male) designers here did a TV show, and one week they looked at this, and redesigned them to use single pieces of plastic, which in addition to not stabbing anyone would also be washing machine safe (when I was married my other half wrecked a washing machine when a wire came out during the spin cycle).

    Presumably there are also issues in thuderstorms...

    ReplyDelete
  4. brian:
    I noticed you didn't say the word "bra"...

    Thunderstorm related fried chicks:

    Never thought about it that way maybe somebody sould have told Ben Franklin, it would have funnier to see a kite with a bra at the end of it rather than a key.

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  5. Well, I was trying to be delicate, as usual.

    bra bra bra bra bra

    a bra cada bra

    It's not a very google-able word, though...

    ReplyDelete
  6. notice brian kept reading even though you had that man warning?

    "my other half wrecked a washing machine when a wire came out during the spin cycle" hmm sounds like something that may happen around bee's house a lot.

    really I didn't click over to needle anyone, but i can only restrain certain impulses-sorry
    to make up for it, brian you can correct inacuracies on my blog

    and bee can slap me around some more
    THE HORROR!

    ReplyDelete
  7. WHAT KIND OF BRA'S DO YOU BUY?
    MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE YOU SHOPPING :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. brian:
    Delicate-cy:
    Has no place on this blog.

    I'm surprised you're complaing about googling "bra" you'd figure the images that came up would be worth it! :op

    jean knee:
    No washing machine breakdowns due to bra wires. They have been known to tanlge themselves around the spinny thing though!

    Nancy:
    I am old enough to shop for my unders by myself thank you very much!
    Don't they all have underwires? Now I'm confused!
    :op

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think you should pull it out... The wire of course...

    THINK ABOUT IT...

    You bump in to the doctor in the hall and them all of a sudden as you two look at each other something comes out and you feel it coming out from under your shirt but you can’t stop it, before you know if you hear the wire fall on the floor and it clangs...

    Doctor stops and bends down to pick it up, you try to beat him to it because you don’t want him to know or TOUCH it..

    You bend down also, then before you know it your B O O B pops out and he is mesmerized by the view...

    You turn bright red pick the wire up and then give him a "CURTSY" careful this time to keep it all in...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ladies and gents, My little sister!

    OMG!

    I AM SPEECHLESS!!

    WAIT A MINUTE I FEEL SOMETHING COMING…

    NOPE!

    I GOT NOTHING!

    AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I mean I don't want to brag but...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Well maybe I'd get a raise...?

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  13. In order for me to get that image out of my head I am now picturing him in drag wearing my 4 inch black patent stiletto heels…

    ReplyDelete
  14. BEE...

    I'M IN SHOCK!!! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIKED THAT KIND OF THING...

    TMI... TMI!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nancy, you are TOO FUNNY!!!! You had me cracking up from the beginning..."limpy boob".

    Bee, just pull the wire out! Or both, so that the limpy boob isn't too noticeable. $30 for a bra? The out rage! Start shopping at Marshall's--you'll never pay $30 there.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Esmeralda:
    Let’s not start rumors, there is no limp here…

    Unfortunately [fortunately for Andy?] for me Marshall’s does not carry my size…

    How’s that for TMI?

    ReplyDelete
  17. A while back, I had a problem similar to Jean's washing machine experience. My machine had started making a horrile rattling sound as though it was about to fall apart. Being paranoid and not too technically minded I called out the nice washing machine repair man, who within seconds of arrival had produced a bra underwire which he held up with a wry grin. My daughter and I were mortified. How embarrassing was that? It was obvious that one of us had been going around for sometime with monotitsag, which is of course the correct term for the slang term 'limpy boob.'

    ReplyDelete
  18. Magdalene:

    "monotitsag" BWHAHAHA!

    Ladies, you have now been introduced to a cool new word!

    Let us all bow our heads!

    ReplyDelete
  19. This is why I try to avoid anything with wires...

    Limpy Boob sounds like a great band name- if anyone could ever get past the name, that is.

    Nancy27, you cracked me up with your scene. I love it..

    And what you said you were imagining cracked me up even more, Bee! Watching me wear high heels is like a free comedy show. My feet just flat can't handle them. I trip and fall flat on my face more than I stay upright. And don't even mention the time I tried to walk with them in a fancy dress on a cobblestoned street... I may never recover from that.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Magdalene! You have officially invented an awesome word... I bow to thee.

    ReplyDelete
  21. well bee, at least you have something to see. when my boob was ripped out at typhoon lagoon no one even noticed. no one, ziltch
    I Don't mean to brag but all the stores carry my size, even the Junior miss dept.
    is that really your little sis??

    monotitsag , yes, interesting

    ReplyDelete
  22. Mine has loose elasticy stringy thingies all over it.....like stretchy hairs growing out of the side of my bras.

    Know what else? Some of my brassieres are hand-me-downs. Yeah I wear second hand titty holders. My mom lost weight and gave me her fat lady bras.......she gained all the weight back. Serves her right.

    ReplyDelete
  23. chris:
    Just to give you a better picture of OZ in drag picture Philip Seymour Hoffman. They could be twins!

    Yeah the drag thing was suggested by Brian, it tends to make my mind wander!

    jean knee:
    Not a bad thing you could probably buy them on sale in the back too school department! :o)

    EWBL:
    Mono:
    Stop kissing random strangers!

    New search that will bring you to my blog "hairy boobs".

    ReplyDelete
  24. i would like to share my traumatic monotitsag story...
    imagine a regular day at work waiting on customers, and gossiping with coworkers. then imagine something continuously poking you in your neck. and now the horror when you discover that the poking is being caused by your treacherous underwire which has had the audacity to show itself through the top of your shirt?
    it doesn't get much worse than that.
    jai

    ReplyDelete
  25. LMAO!!!!

    JAI THAT IS HILARIOUS!!! I MEAN THAT SUCKS!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I’ve had something similar happen to me many moons ago!!!

    I was wearing knit sweater, walking around the mall then I look down and there it was… nice and shiny and long sticking out about 3-4 inches curving and sticking out… I tried to pull it out I was soooo embarrassed but it was not coming out, it got stuck!!!

    Had to run to the washroom and cut it out...

    ReplyDelete
  27. Ok girls, thanks for the official adoption of my terminology, but there is actually something worse than monotitsag. I had the misfortune to encounter this sorry item sitting in a puddle of beer next to an ashtray during a night out some months ago. It was a monofilletflop, and very nasty it was too. Though we all agreed at the time, that the unfortunate depositer of said MFF probably looked nastier. It was great for table charades though.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Magdalene:

    Huh??? Will you please explain? I'm a little confused....

    ReplyDelete
  29. Jai:
    Dear lord woman! I know (how to put this delicately?) it must have been one ginourmous wire... :o)

    Anon:
    I think that same thing happened to me! Mall, sweater and all! Weird...

    Magdalene:
    So were you slapping each other with it?
    Sounds like you're tons of fun! :o)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Oh dear I hoped to spare you the indelicacy of a description. You know Nancy... one of those squishy grey chicken fillets thingies. And very cold and icky it was too, but yes Bee, it's amazing what an amusing missile it made to four somewhat innebriated adults.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Magdalene:
    HA HA HA! I had to e-mail my little sister to tell her what it was and those were my exact words!

    ReplyDelete
  32. LMAO!!!

    Thanks for that... I didn't know what it was...

    I guess since I don't need to use one... :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. Little sis, peeps are gonna think we a family of braggerts! :o)

    ReplyDelete
  34. As Jean Knee would say:

    The OUTRAGE!

    I think underwire bras were invented by men for two reasons:

    1)to hold our business up and make it look good (some need more help than others).

    2)to poke us around here and there and remind us why we need them (the bras of course)

    M

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  35. .....anyway underwire makes boobies look good but try the amazing six (6) bra by cacique available at lane bryant. this bra will make any set of boobs look AMAZING!!! and they are always worth every penny!


    M

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  36. M:
    After doing some research I found out that there are some bras that don't have underwires!

    Yeah, they have duct tape instead. Wonder which hurts more...?

    ReplyDelete

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