The following is the most bizarre conversation I have ever had with a boss that even beats the vampire one.
Glynda: Can I ask you something since you’re hip and happening [I AM NOT KIDDING. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID]
Bee: [in the middle of enjoying some taco dip] I am pretty groovy. Ask away.
Glynda: What does it mean when people say ‘I’m not your bitch’? Is it degrading to women?
Bee: BWAHAHAHAHA! Uh I mean erm. Well, I think it originated as a prison term referring to those men who were the ummm bottom part of a forced relationship… if you know what I mean.
Glynda: … [blank stare]
Bee: Well um [puts down her Tostito full of taco dip] [sweats] okay when a man and a woman lust each other very much they uh… but when there is no woman around and the man is confined to a building (or boat for you sailors out there) where only other men live and that man has certain needs… if the man is bigger IN STATURE than other men and he’s tougher and may have the nickname of Big MOFO Killing Machine he may then take on a, let’s call him SPECIAL FRIEND, whom he will use as his well erm GIRLFRIEND for the time of his stay. And his temporary GIRLFRIEND then cries at night because he really doesn’t want any part of this relationship but there is nothing he can do because his nickname is Little Willy White Collar Crime and Big MOFO Killing Machine will do what he wants anyway. In this scenario, Little Willy is the Prison Bitch so the term “I’m not your bitch” comes from that.
Bee: Holy Moses NO! No! That’s not what I’m saying it just means they’re saying they are not there for someone else to take advantage of or abuse.
Glynda: [looks relieved] Okay. I get it. I thought they just meant women as their slaves. I think I liked it better that way.
Bee: Well, I’m sure Little Willy liked it better that way too.
Moral of this story? Don't do the crime If you're a sensitive asshole.
If you have a better moral, sock it to me.
I dedicate this post to The Nemising One who died earlier this week. He was one crude rude dude but he was always funny. I know I said I'd post Andy's interview but this conversation with Glynda happened after I'd found out he'd died and I thought it was right up his alley.
When I first found out, I swear I thought it was a joke because he did have that type of morbid sense of humor. He wrote a goodbye post just in case his health failed him one day and instead a fuckin drunk driver got to him first.
I've always wondered what would happen if one day I just, out of the blue, stopped posting. It's an interesting idea to have a goodbye post ready just in case an unforeseen freak accident were to send me off to meet my maker. Would it matter? I know it mattered to me to know TNO was gone. I'm not trying to make this about me it's just that it was a bizarre experience to read somebody's good-bye.
My thoughts are with his family whom he loved and I'm reminded especially of this post where he took his daughter to see Twilight. The guy was a hilarious contradiction.
Rest in peace TNO.