Thursday, March 12, 2009

Brian reviews METALLICA! Enter Sandman.

Okay, you guys will be shocked by Brian's review this week. I know I was. But then I wasn't because Metallica rocks. Although I wish they would stop being such bitches about their music and post videos on youtube already. I think it's cool exposing Brian to " "new" " music. And also, Metallica has never sounded so classy... or delicious.

Here we go:

The aptly named Metallica are like Ludwig Van Beethoven. Beethoven's music sounded crap on the latest pianos of his day. Of course, this wasn't a problem for him due to his deafness, but it led to vast improvements in piano technology.

Similarly, Metallica's brand of music must have sounded rubbish on the amplification equipment being used by the likes of the Commodores, not to mention law enforcement agencies, and so much more heavy duty amps and speakers were needed. Though, like Beethoven, I suspect that the Metallica musicians might be going deaf by now.

Metallica are a thrash metal band. This is apparently a subgenre of heavy metal. Heavy metal became popular in the 1970s when the music industry was facing a huge problem. Air time on the radio was vital to their sales, but as more and more people drove everywhere it was realised that they couldn't actually hear the music over the low frequency roar of their engines. Heavy metal changed all that. Now people couldn't hear their engines and kept stalling, which is why Americans switched to driving automatics.

If you want another comparison with classical music (of course you do), then I'd say that Metallica are like Johann Sebastian Bach. Bach was an organist, which meant that he sat there dwarfed by all the massive pipes and made loud music that wasn't exactly to everyone's taste, in a church full of devout worshippers.

The worshippers at the Church of Metallica are all clearly having a great time. It must take a huge amount of charisma, not to mention guts, to stand there, like  cathedral organist, dwarfed by the enormity of their sound systems, not to mention the crowd.

The performance has almost everything. Pyrotechnics, the all-important drum beat, noise, and (I'm told) heartfelt lyrics, though I couldn't make out a word of them. I was very disappointed that they didn't smash up their guitars - that was the bit I was really looking forward to.

Listening to Metallica reminded me of eating curry. At one extreme you get the easy-to-eat but unexiting Korma, and at the other there's no flavour - just relentless painful heat. Or in the case of Metallica the relentless harsh noise. Enter Sandman was a bit too harsh for my taste, and as usual I preferred some of their other songs. But there's something addictive about the heat in a spicy curry, and I found the same thing with this music. I don't think I'd want to risk damaging my hearing by going to a concert, but I was absolutely astounded to find that I enjoyed it.

Metallica are like Wagner. Their music is better than it sounds. Actually, I preferred their music to Wagner's. I'm almost tempted to buy a CD.


There you have it Metallica fans, Brian's seal of approval.

Stay tune tomorrow for a Bee epiphany where I thank the Jehovah's Witnesses. You read that right.


Also, thanks for the suggestions on my "About Me" and no Dan, I shall not blog about me pulling a knife on some guys! Jeez this here is a friendly blog! Sort of. I went over to read John J Savo, The Authoring Auctioneer's Mission Statement and I have to say, if I didn't already admire his skills, I'd be a convert. You must go see what I'm talking about because the man can spin the written word.


Thanks to James Hetfield (back then not now), I am going to grow my hair out again and hopefully not look like Lars (DAN!!)


  1. Me: My car is making a funny noise.
    Repairman: Then, turn the raido off.
    Me: Oh, you're one of those funny car repairmen.
    Rep: No, not really.
    Me: I was making a joke
    Rep: Wasn't very funny.
    Me: Give me my keys. I am going to get this fixed somehwere else, you Stupid, no-sense-of-humor-having, butt-crack-showing, dirty-too-small-blue jeans-wearing, front-teeth-missing asshole.

  2. Metallica are superb, love 'em. Had no idea their music originated because American drivers found the organ playing of JS Bach drowned out their engine noises. You live & learn, eh? (makes sound of being impressed)

  3. I'm one of the many who perfer MEGADETH to Metallica. 'nuf said. Peace, Mike.

  4. I live with a hard core Metallica fan. according to him they give the absolute best performance on stage of any band he's seen--he's seen a lot of them.

    off to great wolf lodge, more later

  5. Metallica is the king of those sub thrash metal genre... blah blah blah pantera... blah blah blah... megadeath... blah blah blah

    now these guys sure as fuck aren't hanna montana. But enter sandman wasn't their best tune.
    Orion is a great tune :) is master of puppets, one, i can't pick just one... they are my fav-o-rite band you know :)

  6. Kayfour:
    Rock on. I love it when my repair people are funny and/or characters. We had this plumber one time and well dude was batshit crazy but he got the job done and yes he had a sense of humor. ;o)

    I'm glad you learn things about us 'Mericans here at The Musings. ;o)

    Megadeth, to me, was harsher on my ears. Metallica made my heart pump faster. In a good way.

    jean knee:
    Now I have that commercial in my head "Go-in to the lodge (red wolf lodge) going to the lodge (red wolf lodge) RED! WOLF! LOOOOODGE!" Thanks! >:o[

    I love Enter Sandman's eerie factor


    Maybe it's cuz I am an insomniac.

  7. Umm I meant great wolf but he might be red don't judge

  8. Sounds like an Indian name. Did you guys know that the word "Indian" needs to be capitalized? I didn't.

  9. Bee, Bee, Bee...

    Since you're going to be so brazen about it, unless he's from India, then it's going to be American Indian.

    I'm 1/4 Cherokee, and take a little bit of pride in my ancestry.. (Not really, but I _do_ like rubbing noses in it at times!)

    Metallica is too awesome for me. I love the songs, and I love the concerts.

    However, my true vice is video games, and in that, I have to admit that I HATE Metallica songs.

    Rock Band and Guitar Hero tunes for Metallica songs SUCK.

    But at least I have fun breaking my fingers off on the plastic guitar frets trying to play like Hetfield!

  10. I listened to "One" before every party in college. It got me fired up to go down the wrong path but it sure was fun.

  11. I still love the Brian reviews! Especially the historical bits about why heavy metal came about.

    ... I still don't like them. :(

    I can appreciate their them in a sense... but it just doesn't cream my jeans, you know what I'm sayin'???

    That and the whole napster thing back when really rubbed me the wrong way (again with the non-creaming of jeans!)

  12. Jorm:
    Everybody is 1/4 Indian. Also, the word Indian doesn't need to be after "American" because there are Indian tribes throughout the whole world. Some are even cannibals.

    Great song!

    Yeah the whole Napster thing was insane. I dislike Lars.

  13. Despite Brian's thorough review, I just can't do my part to help support Metallica. Good for them, though, that they don't seem to be missing me that much.

  14. You are NOT getting a gotee, right?

    "I wish they would stop being such bitches about their music..." Indeed. Quit yer whinning Metallicos.

    I enjoy Brian's reviews, no wonder he gets paid the big bucks.
    Oh wait.

  15. Hey, I'm 1/4 Indian!

    But really, stop moaning Ulrich.
    ;) That's all I got. Again.

  16. My ex-boyfriend (and his father) worshiped at the alter that is Metallica.

    And I have to say, my learning about and liking Metallica is about the only good thing that came out of that relationship.

    Enter Sandman is one of my faves, too! Haven't listened to it in ages.

  17. Bee
    Back in the early 90's you looked exactly like Lars, like it or not.

    Is this a joke? Are you telling me you never heard of Metallica till now?

  18. I love old Metallica!!!! I'm not into there newer stuff. have you been? I would really love to make it up this summer & see all of u guys!! It's been sooo long:)

  19. Dan:

    I had heard of Metallica, but I have never actually heard them.

  20. Um, you DO know that I have a thing for James Hetfield don't you? How else would I know that Metallica had to postpone their tour due to his illness. I heart them.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.