So… that friend I told you guys about, you know the one who found me after 23 years? She is coming over to visit the best city in the world. No, not that one! Chicago! Or you know, Chicagoland. She will be here the beginning of April and will be staying at Shangri-La Bee n’ Andy’s.
Now, it’s been a long time and I’ve changed a lot in all those years. And not just physically. I would say I’ve become a little tougher, a little wiser and a lot grumpier. I thought maybe I should give her a heads up on the inner workings of my head so she doesn’t commit a flagrant foul.
Okay, first off. I’m not a hugger. I mean, I’ll probably hug her hello and goodbye but that’s all that’s needed, right?
If I’m not a hugger, I’m less of a kisser. You know those kiss on the cheek greetings? I cannot handle those. I’m always that weird awkward girl who pulls back at the last second and then they wind up kissing my chin or forehead. That’s embarrassing to everybody including my long dead ancestors.
I sometimes over emphasize words and people think I’m YELLING when all I’m doing is trying to get across the SERIOUSNESS of a situation. Example:
Andy always tells me to stop yelling at him and I tell him to stop being such a delicate little flower.
I have two insane dogs but only one of them is dangerous. He may look all sweet and cute and cuddly but he is one step away from making your fingers his dinner.
Also, he smells. I don’t know why but he does. Maybe I should Febreeze him before she gets here?
If I see the opportunity to cheat I’ll take it. Except in Scrabble and Up-words because I don’t know how to spell.
That’s all I could come up with, because I’m perfect, so I thought maybe you guys out there on the other side of my screen, can give her tips on how not to poke the beast within. Things you may have learned about me while reading some of my nonsense. This is your opportunity to mock me like you’ve never mocked me before! I'm pretty sure you got nuthin'.
By the way, I will be interviewing Andy and he's pretty excited. If the definition of excited is to 'scratch ones head and then shrug as they're walking away'.