Friday, March 13, 2009

Last I checked, my back didn't have the word "WELCOME" stenciled on it. You know, because it's not a doormat?

The other day, I was sitting at my desk pondering my bad luck in not being born rich and then thanking the lord I wasn’t because I would probably be more obnoxious than Paris Hilton and that Kardashian chick put together and really who wants that?

I had just had another DISAGREEMENT with Glynda. She was trying to convince me that my getting a paycheck meant my soul belonged to OZ and I was extremely lucky to even have a job in these tough economic times so I should just shut up and scrub the toilet. Not literally m’mkay? I’m just trying to say that they want me to be responsible for everybody and their mistakes plus also be everybody's vacation back up but not give me more money. I was hired for a specific position and being a babysitter/receptionist was not part of the job description. While I don't mind volunteering, I will not be walked on, bullyed or threatened into doing anything.

I gently disagreed with OZ owning my soul and also pointed out that no, he was lucky to have ME in these tough economic times. At her look of disbelief I elaborated that I, Bee Lastname, am not a believer in 1) Belittling anyone (unless I hate you and in that case I don't have control over my tongue) 2) LETTING myself FEEL belittled (because I can’t stop people from trying to belittle me, I can only stop my reaction to their stupidity)

I am an independent thinker that is not easily brainwashed into believe that OZ is my savior.

This information did not go over well with Glynda. In fact she huffed and she puffed- oh wait that a different story book- well, she put me in the crap house again.

Back to my ponderings. I was wondering what made me so different from the other lackeys who work here that enjoy bemoaning the footprints on their foreheads but never fight back because they think “he'll fire me and who will hire me?”. This led me to a shocking revelation. I have the Jehovah’s Witnesses to thank.

You read that right.


picture is from an issue of the Jehovah's Witnesses magazine on the children who have died because they were not given blood transfusions that may have saved their lives.

You see, being in the Jehovah's Witnesses (JWs) opened my eyes to something I might have missed had I not been a part of this cult. I may call it a cult because I was in it for a few years so I feel I have the right to shed a light into some of my experiences.

I was very young when we became JWs and my pops thought he had found his religion. He also sold Amway so I’m thinking he was halfway to Brainwashville and didn’t have a chance.

Even at a young age, I remember thinking that their teachings were a big crock of shit. Or crock of doo-doo since I didn’t swear back then. I noticed how the elders were always men in the upper middle class while the rest of us broke asses were delegated to do the grunt work. You know, going from house to house and getting the doors slammed in our faces? (Stories for another day)

I remember seeing the yearning in my dad’s eyes to fit in with those phonies and doing anything they asked just so they’d notice him. I hated that. You see, I knew how smart my dad was (during our stint in the JWs he was sober which I guess they did us some good for those few years), he was attractive (and this I new because of the women always staring at him), he had a gorgeous wife (and this I knew because of the men always staring at her) and a beautiful family if I do say so myself.

I didn’t feel the elders deserved the reverence everybody else showed them, respect maybe but washing their feet in a bowl of milk and lavender? I don’t think so.

As an example I give you one of the yearly pilgrimages which in this case took place in Arizona. The motel where we stayed had a swimming pool and I remember thinking ‘yay pool!’ Well they made the kids exit the pool at about 7pm so the grown ups could swim. Crummy but that’s not what this story is about.

We were sitting in the hallway outside of our motel room with our legs dangling down from the railing of the second floor. From there we had a clear view of the pool and we noticed that there were only 2 people left in there. One was one of the elder dudes who was married and the other was a young single woman who came with her sister.

They were awfully chummy. Hugging and laughing while splashing around in the pool. We decided to give his wife a little help in the cooling his pants department (okay, not really trying to help his wife, we were just kids but we knew he was doing something wrong). I got up, grabbed a bucket of ice and we started throwing ice cubes into the pool. We weren't trying to hit them and that was made apparent by us sending the ice cubes softly to the other side of the pool. I was probably 9 or so and I’m assuming my partner in crime was my brother Sergio since Dan has always been a goody 2 shoes and was probably sleeping.

The elder guy started yelling at us and his moobs were shaking as he tried climbing out of the pool. We ran into our room and dissolved in a fit of giggles. The next day, at the JW assembly, he came up to me and grabbed my arm whispering that he knew it was us throwing ice and blah blah. I remember yelling as loud as I could “LET GO OF MY ARM! YOU’RE HURTING ME!!” and then people turning to look and his face getting all red and then laughing it off like it was no big deal. Hearing the commotion, his wife came over and I decided to apologize for my bad behavior. We were at a place of worship after all, “I’m sorry we threw ice while you and that lady were hugging in the pool.”

I don’t know what happened to them because I don’t remember anything else about them after that.


Example # 2

I went to school with one of the elder’s (not the same elder who was frolicking in the pool) sons. He was a short little bastard who thought it was okay to corner me by the lockers when we were in junior high. He thought it was okay until I slammed his head against a locker and punched him in the gut. When he threatened to tell his dad so my dad could get in trouble I dared him to go ahead because I really didn’t care.

This is where my epiphany comes in.

See, what my father failed to see is that yes, the elders may have had a higher education and more material things (which is really not living the life they evangelize) but in my head, that just makes them more polished but not better than us. The fact that I resisted their brainwashing at such a young age and I was able to see through their self righteousness made me immune to any future jackholes trying to make me believe I was beneath them. Nobody has the power to make me feel inferior but me and why would I give someone that power? That just doesn’t make sense.

I’ve used that logic in every aspect of my life. When dating, I waited for the right guy to come along who appreciated me and basically deserved having me (we can all agree I'm pretty cool) and sent the rest packing. Lucky Andy! Coincidentally, he and his family were JWs for many years too. In dealing with people or mindlessly following crowds- nu-uh I do things because I want to and if others are doing it too, coolio. But! Let's not remember my skiing trip please because that was a total lapse in judgment!

This brings me back to the present day. OZ is a respected surgeon and I’m sure he worked hard to get where he is but so what? I worked hard to get where I am too. What makes his journey more special than mine? What makes him a better human being than me?

He may have more zeros and commas in his bank account but that doesn’t make my life worth less than his.

Sure, my ambition wasn’t high since all I have ever wanted was my family to be healthy and happy, my own home, a decent car and as a bonus, a man who loves me. I’d say my path was the right one since I’m right where I want to be.

The moral of this story? OZ (and people like him) can kiss my unpolished ass.


  1. Well said.

    The JW's came round a few years ago. If I'd realised that you got to hug women in pools in Arizona I might have been tempted to sign up ;-)

  2. Great last line, great post.

    I may reread this one - very thought provoking.

  3. Fantastic post. Very funny. Very true.

  4. I have had the pleasure of meeting you in person and I admit to sometimes asking myself what would Bee do? You don't take shit but people walk away still liking you that's an awesome power to have.


  5. BRIAN!

    I love little 9 year old Bee's spirit and wit.
    You are lucky to have figured that out so young. It has taken years for some of us (and I am not mentioning names).

    Great post :)

  6. How good of a shot were you with ice cubes?

    Did you ever see this elder and his wife again after that small scenario?

    Loved the post. Funny, serious, and down to earth. A classic Bee blog entry if I've ever read one. Keep it up!

  7. ...and the crowd goes wild!!!

    Too true, Bee. I'm with you. What gives people the right to think that YOU should be so lucky as to have someone shit on you??? I mean yes, times are tough, but come on! Let's not demean ourselves. I never understood that mentality; I suppose it's because people don't value themselves enough.

    You couldn't have written truer words...
    Excellent post AND reminder that we're all worth more.

  8. I love you.

    You read my mind, and you and I are very much alike.

  9. Brian:
    Well it’s never too late… just don’t come bible thumping at my door cuz I have Tazz.

    Thanks! :o)

    Thank you! :o)

    Aww shucks! But, when asking yourself what would Bee do, the answer is always: Have more coffee/chocolate/twisty fritos.

    Thank you! What can I say? I’ve always been this cool. ::struts about like a male peacock::

    Question #1:
    The pool was pretty big so even an epileptic cross-eyed hooker could get the ice cubes in there.

    Question #2:
    As I said, I don’t remember anything else about them so they may have moved.

    And thanks!

    EXACTLY! :o)

    You must be one cool chick. ;o)

  10. I am Eleventh!
    Nobody can take that away from me either!

  11. I grew up in a nieghborhood where our house had JWs living in the houses on either side of us. (did that make any sense? Maybe I should have said "Growing up, we lived in the middle of two families of JWs or something, whatever)
    One family had a daughter close to my age and when it was time to go in for "study time" they would always invite me to come too. After the first couple of times, I realized that study time was boring and that the cookies they served sucked so I stopped going.
    Looking back now, I had no idea how close I came to being brainwashed! Thank God those cookies sucked!
    On a side note: The daughter was always kept under close watch and never allowed to do anything. Then she got caught by the assistant principle giving a guy a BJ under the stairwell in high school.
    That doesn't really have anything to do with the story but it always makes me giggle.

    I think you're right Bee, you shouldn't let anyone take advantage of you or make you feel beneath them. You are wonderful and in my book, that puts you way above them!
    Keep on not taking any shit from anyone!

  12. I would like to ask one thing though since you were once on the inside.

  13. What is the point of going door to door? Did they get a lot of converts that way?
    My dad had a sticker on his front door that said "No Jehovahs" and yet they still knocked.
    Stubborn people.

  14. Growing up in a Penetecostal pastor's house, I had my own share of brainwashing. But, still our brainwashing was so much better than the Jehovah's Witnesses - or so we thought - even though we didn't know it was brainwashing at the time.

    When my brother and I would see the JW's in our neighborhood, we would get every Bible in the house and our BB guns, and wait by the door till they knocked. And then we would open the door with our guns and Bibles and say, "Not interested!"

    What a couple of dumbasses we were. At least one of us isn't anymore. And, of course, I mean me.

    Plus, now I stay at JW Marriotts all the time! So there's that.

  15. I'm so glad you are an independent thinker.

    I think it's funny when those that think they are such "good Christians" do bad things and get caught or their kids were so sheltered that they act out once they get the chance.

    Nice post!

  16. I wish I was as confident as you are. You have a great way of looking at things, Bee.

  17. A lot of people always seem to look at others who may be beneath them in title or in financial stature as only being there to further their status. Most of the time they will get some type of wake-up call reminding them that no matter where you are in life you didn't get there without someone else's help. If someone wants you to feel fortunate for helping them further their life along, odds are they haven't gotten that call yet or they just forgot what it takes to be a considerate person.

  18. I would've shit in the pool instead of tossing ice at it.

  19. I'm glad you are not a JW anymore with language and an attitude like that.

    But you are a doormat as you are letting the world walk all over you.

    JWs are the ones not a doormat as we are not.

  20. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Oh how I love theeee! Can I just tell you that I could read stories about your work-life until I die, or at least until I'm so ill that I need a blood transfusion. You do know that JW's believe that only a select, set number can make it to heaven, right? What the hell am I talking about? I hail from Utah. This state has NO stones to cast on other religions. Mormons have three levels of heaven. No joke. It's sort of like First class, business class and coach. If you are in the "coach" level of heaven you can't go visit the business classers or the first classers, but they can come visit you. It's all very borgousie. (Can I just tell you how proud I am that I spelled borgousie correctly on the first try? But just in case I didn't, I wasn't trying to spell the word you thought I was. It's some new, hip word you probably haven't heard about yet.) Um, since you seem to be into religion now, be on the lookout for a couple of Mormon missionaries to come visit you soon. You can thank me later. Feel free to come visit me in business class heaven. I think that's the highest a gal like me can ever hope to reach.

  21. Tracy:
    Nah Tracy. You were safe since you are one smart chick. I think they were in more danger. ;o)

    BB guns?? Ha ha you are so lucky I was never one of those you BB'd cuz I would still be egging your house as we speak.

    Thanks! :o)

    Thank you I'm all blushy! :o)

    Husband-who-gave-me-a-wedgie-and-now-sounds-all-coherent say whot?

    You are such a boy! (:op

    I see we agree in me not fitting in and I thank you for that compliment. See what we did there? We had a moment.

    But, you didn't comment on the adulterous elder or the son of the other elder crossing the line at the age of 13. I find that very interesting.

  22. Bee, I didn't help you throw ice because I respect another mans right to get laid !

  23. JW's don't come around my place anymore, well not since I adopted my dog :)

    Anyway, what happened was, a couple of JWs had come over. When I answered the door, they asked if I had a personal relationship with god, yada yada yada. I told him that I don't worship any deity. My dog came to the door barking his fool head off. Well, the guy asked me what his name is, I told him, it's Lucifer (he's a Doberman). The gal looks at me dog, terror in her eyes. "You should meet the Danes, their names are Phobos and Demos" (meaning Fear and Terror) say's I. She grabbed the guys arm and they beat a hasty retreat never to be heard from nor seen again. At least not on this yard :D

  24. I had no idea of your JW history. Of course, I haven't been reading your blog as long as some. That said, agree with most of the commenters ahead of me: great post, one of your better ones, where you actually reveal your heart...well...not that I said, it was all warm and fuzzy or anything, but you still reveal it. :)

  25. what is that all about the cover with kids that died from no transfusion?????


    I do not understand at all, AT ALL

  26. "You do know that JW's believe that only a select, set number can make it to heaven, right"

    And Jehovah God is the one that set that number, you seem to forget. And do the choosing as to how is in that number.

    But why would people want to go to heaven anyway?

  27. "When I answered the door, they asked if I had a personal relationship with god, yada yada"

    No, JWs don't say that. JWs preach the kingdom.

  28. Those were youths who put God first.

    They obeyed God's law on blood.

    They chose not to take a blood transfusion.

    It may have or may not have saved their lives.

    But they chose to put God first.

  29. Children shouldn't have to make those types of decisions I mean scaring them into making a decision that will *determine* if they go to paradise or go to hell? Gee, I know what I would have chosen.

    Now those kids are dead. Did they get a special wristband with their number to enter the kingdom?

  30. "Children shouldn't have to make those types of decisions"

    Why not? If they can make the decision to be a Christian, then they should follow through regardless of age.

    " I mean scaring them into making a decision that will *determine* if they go to paradise or go to hell? "

    The decision does not determine that. Your response indicates that you are ignorant to what that means and the religion of JWs.

    "Gee, I know what I would have chosen."

    And you have chosen to reject God. That is worse than what the children have.

    "Now those kids are dead. Did they get a special wristband with their number to enter the kingdom? "

    Actually yes.

    But their being dead is not a bad things. Everyone dies for now. Better to die faithful, then unfaithful.

  31. Yeah as a child I didn't have that power or else I would have stopped going to the JWs the day after my first visit.

    Good for you in being so faithful. I sincerely hope you recieved one of those wristbands too.

    Be careful though, hanging out here might contaminate your holiness.

  32. "I would have stopped going to the JWs the day after my first visit."

    Your loss.

    Or rather,

    You're lost.

    It is evident that you are lost.

  33. As long as I know where the closest mall is, I am A-OK.

    Getting the last word is addictive, isn't it?

  34. Is it just me or are those young men on the bicycles HAWT?

  35. Yeah jean knee they are but I think they have too much sense to be JWs.

  36. Hitting the delete key is even more addictive.

  37. Don't mind me, go ahead and del-eat me.

  38. Excellent post. One of your best. Totally stumble worthy, and I have done so.

    I had similar epiphanies about the Catholic Church when I was younger. And that's why I am no longer a Catholic.

    You wrote a post regarding your attempt at writing an "about me" page for this blog. Well, this post should be your "about me" page. It tells who you are and where you're coming from.

    I loved it.

  39. You are truely one of my heroes! I'm so proud to have such an awesome big sister!

    As far as heaven goes:

    You don't need a wrist band to get in to heaven. You just need to have a personal relationship with God and accept that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Ask God to forgive your sins in Jesus name. It is through him that we have been cleansed and can enter heaven... It's pretty simple really :)

    The tricky part is beleiving and having that blind faith...

  40. "Totally stumble worthy, and I have done so."

    Yup, you stumbled off the road to life. That is sad and a shame.

  41. "You don't need a wrist band to get in to heaven."

    You don't need to get to heaven.

    Life on earth in the kingdom as described in Revelation is just fine.

    "You just need to have a personal relationship with God"

    That is what JWs teach.

    "and accept that Jesus died on the cross for our sins."

    JWs teach that without regard to a specific shape to the instrument of death.

    "Ask God to forgive your sins in Jesus name. It is through him that we have been cleansed and can enter heaven... It's pretty simple really :)"

    Forgive through Jesus, yes.

    Just having a relationship with God through Christ does not get you to heaven. God has to choose you.

  42. what a load of crap, if god has to choose us I can guaran-damn-tee no one down here's getting in

  43. VoR?:
    I was outside enjoying my beautiful paradise. You must lead a sad life if you are waiting on our every word.

    I know I've gotten under your skin, SCORE!, but this is where I slam the door. I'm sure you'll be back since I am irresistible.

  44. OMG,
    I sooo know who the short turd you manhandled was!!! Thats why I liked you so much, you wore all the fru-fru dresses, yet you would take out your can of whup a** out when needed. Your blog is hilarious. As i said before, I laugh and cry when I read some of them!!!

  45. OMG,
    I sooo know who the short turd you manhandled was!!! Thats why I liked you so much, you wore all the fru-fru dresses, yet you would take out your can of whup a** out when needed. Your blog is hilarious. As i said before, I laugh and cry when I read some of them!!!

  46. Nurselizy:
    hey hey. Let's clear things up now. I wore the fru fru dresses from first to third grade and that is because my mom forced me too. But! I still had to play kickball.

  47. Yeah, and ALL the boys were scared and in awe of you!! The delicate looking (beautiful) flower that could out kick them all! Im trying to lurk your blogs secretly... shhhhh....
    p.s. im having a blast doing it!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.