Yeah so I went to the doctor and I have awesome news for you guys (me too I guess). I will not be dying any time soon. Well, let's hope I can still out run those ninja assassins. I was also given the great news that I am not pregnant which I already knew but it's always good to hear over and over and especially coming from a licensed professional.
My doctor is an old school little polish lady who believes babies cure all. Why would I say that, you ask. Well she asked me if there were any babies in my future and I said I'm sure there will be but hopefully the stork will bypass my house and drop them off at my sister's or brothers' houses and she said "Deese health problems you have because you have no babies. A baby will change your body and you see everything be better. Babies are the answer to all problems!"
I guess we've been taking the wrong approach to things like the economy, war and bacon. You heard or, erm, read it here first people! Go out and have yourself a baby and your problems will evaporate!
It also turns out my blood pressure was way over what anybody would call ""normal"" it was over what anybody would call ""abnormal"" so I got the famous speech of "eat right, exercise, stop-killing-people-with-your-mind" etc. I tried explaining to her that I had just had a very stressful day and maybe that's why they were getting a TNT reading and you can't really tell me those automated blood pressure machines are infallible. This didn't stop them from trying to get a better reading oh no no no. That automated sucker just kept puffing up and squeezing the hell out of my arm until my hand was purple and beginning to lose feeling. My upper arm now has little red blood marks from where the stupid machine was trying to drain my soul.
But otherwise, my doctor and her staff are nice people and if it weren't for the fact that they've come at me with needles and made me pee into things, I might consider asking them over for dinner.
Anyway, I didn't go in to work because I was still achey-in-the-kidney and my Andy being the lovable guy he is decided to bring me a gift:
Some women like flowers and candy but not this chick!