Last Friday, I had my usual meeting with OZ. Well, it wasn't really *usual* because for some reason, the topic of vampires came up.
He found out I had seen Twilight and he asked me what I thought. I gave him my movie review and then he started asking me all kinds of weird questions about vampires in general.
OZ: "Do they posses super human strength?"
Bee: Yes
OZ: "They can sense things we can't, right?"
Bee: Usually, since they have super heightened senses.
OZ: "Do they read minds?"
Bee: Uhm, depends on what book you're reading.
OZ: "Can they travel through time?"
Bee: Well, not that I know of…
OZ: "Can they fly?"
Then Glynda chimed in: If they turn in to bats and fly off.
OZ: "Don't be ridiculous! That's a myth, Glynda!"
Bee: Uh well back to so-and-so's account—
OZ: "That's a myth about the bats, right?"
Bee: I think so? In the Vampire Chronicles, Lestat didn't fly, he kind of just went really fast so it looked like he was flying.
Then about their weaknesses
OZ: "Does Holy water burn them?"
Bee: Ummm I can't remember.
OZ: "They can't come out in daylight, right?"
Bee: Well, in Blade they did only they wore sunblock SPF 5000
Then he asked me how to kill a vampire
OZ: "Do you burn them?"
Bee: If you get close enough you'll probably be dead in no time.
OZ: "You'd have to chop their heads off right?"
Bee: Not me, I'm all squeamish when it comes to blood.
OZ: "What about their bodies? Wouldn't their bodies come after you?"
Bee: Poke the eyes out of the head that way they can't see wear you ran off to.
OZ: "I heard the stake through the heart was a myth"
Bee: You do know that VAMPIRES aren't real, right?
But now I'm wondering if he knows something I don't know. Is he secretly hiding a vampire in his basement? It would be just like him to have something cool he doesn't want to share with the world!
Anyway, I'm hoping we don't talk about Zombies this coming Friday because not only do I not know anything about them but those bitches scare me!
Also, now you see why I call this place Arkham Asylum, the leader is the head loon.
creepy. Last night i'm walking out of the grocery store right...
ReplyDeleteand on the ground/snow/icepack/whatever ...there's this book.
Anne Rice... the vampire lestat.
(:-O
ReplyDeleteYou just gave me chills! Or maybe I just have to pee.
it's the weather... cause i constantly have to pee.
ReplyDeletethat and my nipples hurt.. haha
Put Vaseline on them Orion, you'll thank me for it.
ReplyDeleteyeah, but then i'll be accused of playing with them...
ReplyDeleteand i can't go through that ordeal again.
Just tell them you're lactating.
ReplyDeletei don't know what to say to that :|
ReplyDeleteI LEFT YOU SPEECHLESS?? HOLY SHIT WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK IT?????!!
ReplyDeletewell now, that whole conversation is just weird, even for Oz.
ReplyDeleteit's a myth right? cracked me up
jean knee:
ReplyDeleteI agree. That was one meeting I'll be thinking about when I write my "How to" on vampires.
Vampires aren't real????
ReplyDelete;-)
What if OZ IS A VAMPIRE!!! What if he's testing you!? What if the next meeting goes wacky?! Bee!!
ReplyDeleteI'm worried about you. Watch your back!
Bee:
ReplyDeleteI've got a GREAT idea for you!
The OZ Survival Guide for Vampire Encounters.
Type it all up, detailing myths, legends, and "scientific facts", then put it all in a bright red binder, and set it next to some important manual in the boss's office.
You'll be FAMOUS for sure, and it'll make a GREAT blog entry!
Argh! Let's try this again
ReplyDeleteI think your boss is either trying to kill one or he's totally trying to figure out what his options are once he becomes one. Keep me posted!
AND, speaking of zombies... you should plan for the coming Zombie apocalypse. You need to find a Winchester, you know... a place that you're comfortable in that's safe where you can sit back and wait it out that has drinks. Like in Shawn of the Dead.
When in Rome, right?
I think maybe Oz has fallen asleep one too many times while watching True Blood... it's seeping into his subconscience like a leech... or a vampire, even. Heh.
ReplyDeleteAnd Orion? Remind me never to go to the grocery store with you. =P
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that Oz is actually in love with a vampire. And probably not the sexy kind like Brad Pitt was.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that you could win an award for having the most interesting conversations with your boss, Bee.
ReplyDeleteI bet he is hiding a vampire.
Either that or he's caught a bat and thinks it's a vampire and want to know how to get him to switch from bat to vampire.
I would let Lestat suck on my neck.
ReplyDeleteNo, wait.
Which actor was Lestat?
Brad Pitt or Tom Crazy?
If Lestat was Brad Pitt then yes, he may suck on my neck.
If Lestat was Tom Crazy, then no. He would probably give me some of his crazy during the sucking and I do not want to do any couch jumping on Oprah!
I bet Oprah is a vampire.
Oh and I would let Angelina Jolie suck on my neck either way, vampire or not, she's hot.
Vampires are real!
ReplyDeleteI had a girlfriend that was a vampire.
She sucked really really good and a lot.
It's just that they are so rare, it's why people think they aren't real ;)
Bee: Poke the eyes out of the head that way they can't see wear you ran off to.
ReplyDeletenice. very clever, you.
Maybe they are real. I think it depends on who you ask. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI like the actor from Moonlight or whatever it was called. It was a very short-lived show last year.
I agree with "a different kind of girl"....he's testing you, Bee!
ReplyDeleteZombies are easy to take care of - everyone can outrun them. And remember this - treat them like you would your little brother.
See how easy it is to deal with zombies?
And if I had to choose a vampire for my very own it would be Zsadist or Rhage.
You need to prepare for tomorrow's meeting:
ReplyDeleteWear some vampire teeth and splash a few drops of fake blood on your clothes...
Crap. I thought vampires were real. Now, I have to throw away my copy of Twilight: The TRUE Story of Edward Cullen.
ReplyDeleteLOL! I think he's definitely hiding something from you! Watch out. I would wear a garlic necklace to work from now on. Just to be safe.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't mind living forever..
ReplyDeleteYou mean vampires aren't real??
ReplyDelete28th! Woohoo!
ReplyDeleteI thought Oz was a doctor? Oh wait ... sorry ... was expecting him to be ... look I'll go and lie down, okay? Obviously having an off day.
ReplyDeleteMAybe they'll make you Head Vampire Slayer.
ReplyDeleteYEAH!