El bizarro lunes.

I think some of you who have been around this place for a while are aware I dislike Mondays with the same intensity Andy hates ogres with hatchets.

The events that have taken place today warrant a Monday post.

To start my day, I woke up 2 hours late for work. TWO HOURS. I got to work and was shocked to see the walls have been painted a nice institutional gray. The Asylum now looks the part of, well, an Asylum.

Since today is Tinman’s birthday, he brought his ““cake”” (a big cookie) but he has decided he does not want us to sing to him. The nerve!! I’ve had rave reviews on my singing, mostly by kids who love my rendition of “If you wantta be a grump that’s okay but try and be a grump a little further away. It’s not that I don’t love you cuz you know I do. Sometimes I’m grumpy too!”, but to deny yourself the pleasure of my rancid honey voice is just your loss! Who brings a big cookie instead of cake anyway?? Cheap bastard.

Then I had to use the ladiesroom for the 100th time because it’s cold in this here nuthouse and as I was walking in, a woman (who must have been stashing a bar full of smokers in her coat) came out waddling and said “I feel like I just gave birth!”

Holy sphincter Batman! That was way too much information!

It’s only 11:45 and I feel like this is going to be a helluva day! And also because Andy is forcing me to go to the laundromat today.

Help me Mom R!! You’re my only hope!

Don’t forget, tomorrow is my infamous Interview with a Vegetarian.

P.S. to Tracy:
It’s not that you are not interesting but this vegetarian doesn’t have a blog where we may read her many adventures in vegetable slaying. It’s only fair we shine a bright light on her shenanigans.