Monday, March 2, 2009

El bizarro lunes.

I think some of you who have been around this place for a while are aware I dislike Mondays with the same intensity Andy hates ogres with hatchets.

The events that have taken place today warrant a Monday post.

To start my day, I woke up 2 hours late for work. TWO HOURS. I got to work and was shocked to see the walls have been painted a nice institutional gray. The Asylum now looks the part of, well, an Asylum.

Since today is Tinman’s birthday, he brought his ““cake”” (a big cookie) but he has decided he does not want us to sing to him. The nerve!! I’ve had rave reviews on my singing, mostly by kids who love my rendition of “If you wantta be a grump that’s okay but try and be a grump a little further away. It’s not that I don’t love you cuz you know I do. Sometimes I’m grumpy too!”, but to deny yourself the pleasure of my rancid honey voice is just your loss! Who brings a big cookie instead of cake anyway?? Cheap bastard.

Then I had to use the ladiesroom for the 100th time because it’s cold in this here nuthouse and as I was walking in, a woman (who must have been stashing a bar full of smokers in her coat) came out waddling and said “I feel like I just gave birth!”

Holy sphincter Batman! That was way too much information!

It’s only 11:45 and I feel like this is going to be a helluva day! And also because Andy is forcing me to go to the laundromat today.

Help me Mom R!! You’re my only hope!

Don’t forget, tomorrow is my infamous Interview with a Vegetarian.

P.S. to Tracy:
It’s not that you are not interesting but this vegetarian doesn’t have a blog where we may read her many adventures in vegetable slaying. It’s only fair we shine a bright light on her shenanigans.


  1. Washing is cathartic. You will feel purified after your trip to the laundrette.

    You must let me review your singing some time...

  2. Does your title mean "Weird Mondays", or "The bizarre nutters"?

  3. Wow. I can't believe that anyone would come out of any bathroom stall and make that announcement.


  4. Brian:
    "Washing is cathartic" I'll be sending you Andy's dirty socks in the post. (from now on when I say something British, it'll be in italics)(and also swears will be in italics)(and anything else I need to stress too so I hope you know the difference)

    El Bizarro Lunes:
    "bizarro" is not a real spanish word "lunes" means "Monday"

    She wasn't the most classiest of ladies. ;o)

  5. are you fucking serious?!?!?!

    Now i have to go delete what i started writing...

    "Mondays are a continual state of necrosis on my life. They just eat away at everything. I can't even look forward to the weekend without being reminded that a Monday immediately follows." get the fuck out of my head. so i can write about something else.

  6. Dammit Orion! Your words are like carefully chosen thorns. Write on!

  7. I mean, it's way better than my "Mondays suck donkey balls!".

  8. mondays do suck donkey balls?
    please, bee... tell me how you came to this conclusion?!


  9. Hum...I'm doing this colon cleanse and.....

    Oh, please. That is so low class and is the birthday cookie, unless he brought cookies from a yummy Mexican bakery that is!

    I'm sorry your Monday is dreary.

  10. Mondays suck the Big Wadong.

    And that woman has more than just a screw loose...

    Poor you.

  11. No. No, no, no, no, no!!! Someone said that to you in the bathroom?!?!?!? Speechless. How the hell do you (or anyone!) even respond to that?! Other than gagging, I mean?

  12. I always have people tell me TMI things either while in the bathroom or upon returning. I often have to stop conversations in our break room because if they make me squirm, they will make others squirm.

    Oh, and the walls in my institution are a nice shade of what can only be called "wet cement". But last week they broke up the padded-room feel by hanging pics of places few of us will ever go to.

    It's like hanging pictures of Krispy Kreme in a gym.

  13. I do not like potty talk. At all.
    You should have punched her for me Bee. AVENGE ME!

  14. Holy sphincter Batman!

    cracked me up

  15. You mean you came to work 2 hours late and you kept your job?? WOW!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.