I was in the public restroom uh contemplating when I saw a thick legged black spider just chillin at my feet. I could have extended my foot and tried to kill it but what if I missed? I have very short legs and small feet, you know.
I finished what I was doing and pulled up my pants because I did not want that traitorous sucker to climb up the cuffs and also because I can’t walk around bare assed, there’s a signed petition and everything. Then I silently approached it and was about to smash it to smithereens when I thought about my TRS (Terrarium Replacement Spider), Wally (this would be spider #3 for those of you at home keeping track).
I depend on Wally to keep my terrarium free of unwanted gnats and pests so would it be beneficial for me to spare its life? AND THEN IT MOVED! So I ninja stomped its guts out!
Do ninjas stomp? I’m sure they do.
Stay tuned for the next post.
From the same people who brought you Interview with a Vegetarian, Bee’s Musings presents: Interview with the guy that I think is the building manager where I work but he might just be an alien.
P.S.
I forgot my cell phone at home and I am going bananaaaaaaaaas!!
lol
ReplyDeleteWhoa. Makes me glad I'm not a spider.
ReplyDeleteThird! Holy Crap!
ReplyDeleteYou are a GIANT kick-ass ninja in spider world.
hmmmm, a spider huh?
ReplyDeleteExcellent, another one in the battle of humans v evil eight-legged monsters. Well done!
ReplyDeleteSpiders that wander into the bathroom are just asking for trouble. He really had it coming to him.
ReplyDeleteDays without cell phones are enough to make me want to hang myself. Unless I have my cell on me and it won't stop ringing. Then I want to pitch it in the nearest dumpster. Why is that?
Ah....that poor widdle spider.
ReplyDeleteSo you went Kill Bill on the 8 legged fucker? You go!
ReplyDeleteYou should probably frame the true with the corpse of the spider to be showcased as your trophy for defeating that beast.
ReplyDeleteUnless it laid eggs under your skin before it perished, then celebrating will be awful.
In reply to The Self-Deprechaun's "Unless it laid eggs under your skin before it perished, then celebrating will be awful."
ReplyDelete*gapes in horror*
Nightmarish images tonight. Thanks for that!
And Bee, you think your encounter was scary...I saw a spider in my living room and before I could smash it it headed for my front door. Grabbing the nearest spider smoosher (sorry Last of the Mohicans DVD) I ran after it and HORROR OF HORRORS it went under a space I hadn't realized was there between my wood floor and the metal bit in between my door and the outside world. Who knows how many bugs have gotten in that way!?!
I must sign this "no bare ass Bee" petition!
ReplyDeleteGood thing you put the spider out of his misery. He DID see you with your pants down.
ReplyDeleteKidding. It was there, just had to be said. Besides you have buns of steal. Don't you have that Gazelle thingy?