So... I'm on vacation right now. If you're picturing me sitting on a beach, in a bikini, drinking a Piña Colada (I used to drink Margaritas but I can no longer have them without feeling like razor blades are playing La Cucaracha inside my throat- which is a very unpleasant feeling), first I have to say that you are a perv for picturing me in a bikini and you only have yourself to blame for your mind's eye going blind, second I am still in Chicagoland experiencing the yearly thaw out and hoping all our efforts to keep my house dry are not in vain.
Sadly, I'm Spring cleaning. My long lost friend (LLF) could not make it in April and I'm hoping I didn't scare her off. Nah! Impossible since I am such a charming individual. Anyway, this gave me more time to make my house presentable. I'm wondering how it's possible to have massive amounts of accumulated crap that I think I might need one day. I do this every year and I have no clue how it happens.
My goal for tomorrow is to tackle the dungeon. That place needs a major overhaul since it has mutilated Orc body parts stinking it up. At least I'm hoping that's what that smell is! My dream is that, by the time my LLF comes, my house will be a little bit more uh adult-like and not all Betty Boopy,
comic book graphic novely, dolls action figurey-like. I mean, we'll keep the framed pictures of Batman, Wonder Woman and Superman but I'm hoping to also add a little bit of sophistication. Maybe something like this:
I don't know what I was thinking when I did my "to do" list. I must have thought I could channel June Cleaver thereby overestimating my housekeeping skills and my attention span:
1-Clean out closet, go thru clothes I will no longer wear (because I can no longer get into them because they mysteriously shrunk)
2- Rearrange shoes/purses, go thru ones I will no longer use. (pffft easier said than done since I love every single one of my shoes and purses as if they gestated in my body- okay that was kinda gross)
3- Wash door frames, doors and window frames with bleach water (oh my god what a pain in the ass that was!)
Paint them (meh they're clean they don't have to be perfect)
5- Clean out back porch (I do this yearly and dear god where the hell do I get all this crap??)
Reorganize all cabinets (who looks in there anyway? so what if pots and pans fall on my head?)
7- Decontaminate the DUNGEON
By far that is the scariest thing of all.
The reason for this post, I will be incommunicado until Wednesday because I know me. Me is the type of person that when she turns on the laptop she sits down and loses track of time until her mom throws a wooden spoon at her head and says 'Andy just pulled into the driveway and you haven't accomplished anything!'. My mom is such a slave driver. She doesn't approve of me waking up at 10 then taking my sweet time with my coffee and then taking a lunch break at noon. I can't wait until her floor is done! I can go back to being my lazy self with a life of over hanging cobwebs and playful dust bunnies. Ahhh good times!
Also, my friend jean knee opened up a new store where she sells... wait for it... Cock Suckers bwahahaha! I'm serious! How awesome is that?
Her Etsy store is called Polkadotcock (not to be confused with spotted dick) so go on over and buy them for your Easter baskets. Andy just said that would be inappropriate but neither he nor I have ever gotten an Easter basket so I'm sure he doesn't know what he's talking about.
Thank you Angie for fixing my Photobucket issues! :o)