Crusty crunchy white stuff... my nickname in high school?

You know how when you first start dating someone, everything they do is cute?

"Oh look, she burps after every bite of food she takes! awwww!"

"Hee hee! He just readjusted his package and made THE MOST adorable face!"
Look how happy... RUN RUN RUN!!
Later it becomes:

"DO YOU HAVE TO BURP ALL THE TIME?? I could smell you had sausage!"

"DO YOU WANT SOME PRIVACY WHILE TOUCHING YOURSELF??"

You know, because your relationship evolves and that mushy pink haze floats away and leaves behind the smell of burnt tires? (the smell of disillusionment!)

This morning, after I had brushed my TEETH (still intact thank you very much!) I went to dry my hands on the very chic hand towel, when I noticed some dried white stuff. (GET YOUR MIND OUTTA THE GUTTER!)(You know you went there.)

Since I am a curious person by nature, I looked a little closer and identified the powdery white substance as being dried toothpaste.

Now, the hand towel is HERE and the tube of tooth paste is HERE... -This is not the actual towel in question. That was replaced faster than you can say yucko-guacko-whatthefucko. I did add the white to it as a reenactment so you could see how gross it was and maybe relive my trauma with me. Also, I removed the name of the toothpaste cuz they don't pay me to advertise. And! If there is an electrician out there reading this, do not, I repeat, DO NOT tell me the outlet is not up to code. I KNOW THIS since I happen to be married to a man that *dabbles* in the art of electricity who complains about it ALL THE TIME! And yet, it's still there. Did I tell the chick up there to RUN??-

...so I naturally ruled the tube out of being guilty and went on to my next suspect.

Bee:
Andy, did you dry your gunky toothpasty mouth on the freakin' hand towel??

---

Bee again:

Andy, did you dry. Your gunky toothpasty mouth. ON THE FREAKIN' HAND TOWEL??

(I had to repeat my question because, as usual, he was in his own land of make believe where you have to be a troll for him to hear you. That in itself is becoming a problem because I'm beginning to repeat questions in other settings too! I used to be sane but the people around me are making me crazy.)

Andy:

Yup!

--BEE BLOWS UP--

%^#$#*@ &^^#^ *!#$%^&*@ (Edited for television)

Andy:

What? I've been doing it ever since I was a little kid! What do you want me to do?

Bee:
For starters, try to keep the toothpaste inside your mouth? If you do slobber it all over your face, maybe rinse it and not transfer it onto a TOWEL I USE TO DRY MY HANDS!!

Andy [::shrugs::]:
I can't make any promises.

.

Then he went back to make-believe land.

I know what your going to say. "Oh Bee! You are so lucky to still be discovering things about each other after all these years!"

Ummm yeaaaah. I wish I would discover he had a great-great-great uncle who left him millions. Then he could smear toothpaste on my hair until it was crusty and crunchy and I'd be all smiles.

P.S.
He came over before I hit *post* and asked, "Hey, you know that toothpaste thing? Can you not blog about it? It might seem gross to some people."
I responded with a kiss and a pat on the back "I can't make any promises!"

Humor-Blogs

THIS MESSAGE TO MY MOTHER IN LAW:
Mom R., I'm just kiddin'! You know I love your son more than pistachio ice cream! ;o) But, if you ever want him to stay at your house for a month or so, gimme a jingle.