Sunday, August 31, 2008

Crusty crunchy white stuff... my nickname in high school?

You know how when you first start dating someone, everything they do is cute?

"Oh look, she burps after every bite of food she takes! awwww!"

"Hee hee! He just readjusted his package and made
THE MOST adorable face!"
Look how happy... RUN RUN RUN!!

Later it becomes:

"DO YOU HAVE TO BURP ALL THE TIME?? I could smell you had sausage!"


You know, because your relationship evolves and that mushy pink haze floats away and leaves behind the smell of burnt tires? (the smell of disillusionment!)

This morning, after I had brushed my TEETH (still intact thank you very much!) I went to dry my hands on the very chic hand towel, when I noticed some dried white stuff. (GET YOUR MIND OUTTA THE GUTTER!)(You know you went there.)

Since I am a curious person by nature, I looked a little closer and identified the powdery white substance as being dried toothpaste.

Now, the hand towel is HERE and the tube of tooth paste is HERE...
-This is not the actual towel in question. That was replaced faster than you can say yucko-guacko-whatthefucko. I did add the white to it as a reenactment so you could see how gross it was and maybe relive my trauma with me. Also, I removed the name of the toothpaste cuz they don't pay me to advertise. And! If there is an electrician out there reading this, do not, I repeat, DO NOT tell me the outlet is not up to code. I KNOW THIS since I happen to be married to a man that *dabbles* in the art of electricity who complains about it ALL THE TIME! And yet, it's still there. Did I tell the chick up there to RUN??- I naturally ruled the tube out of being guilty and went on to my next suspect.

Andy, did you dry your gunky toothpasty mouth on the freakin' hand towel??


Bee again:

Andy, did you dry. Your gunky toothpasty mouth. ON THE FREAKIN' HAND TOWEL??

(I had to repeat my question because, as usual, he was in his own land of make believe where you have to be a troll for him to hear you. That in itself is becoming a problem because I'm beginning to repeat questions in other settings too! I used to be sane but the people around me are making me crazy.)



%^#$#*@ &^^#^ *!#$%^&*@ (Edited for television)


What? I've been doing it ever since I was a little kid! What do you want me to do?

For starters, try to keep the toothpaste inside your mouth? If you do slobber it all over your face, maybe rinse it and not transfer it onto a TOWEL I USE TO DRY MY HANDS!!

Andy [::shrugs::]:
I can't make any promises.


Then he went back to make-believe land.

I know what your going to say. "Oh Bee! You are so lucky to still be discovering things about each other after all these years!"

Ummm yeaaaah. I wish I would discover he had a great-great-great uncle who left him millions. Then he could smear toothpaste on my hair until it was crusty and crunchy and I'd be all smiles.

He came over before I hit *post* and asked, "Hey, you know that toothpaste thing? Can you not blog about it? It might seem gross to some people."
I responded with a kiss and a pat on the back "I can't make any promises!"


Mom R., I'm just kiddin'! You know I love your son more than pistachio ice cream! ;o) But, if you ever want him to stay at your house for a month or so, gimme a jingle.


  1. I hear you, Bee. But speaking as a man, it can work both ways. I'm the clean freak in my house. I yell about stuff like toothpaste on the towel, hair on the sink, make-up powder all over the dresser, clothes unfolded, etc. But I'm a cleaning Nazi.

  2. I'm just wondering if you guys are in agreement on which way to put the toilet paper on the holder.

    btw, looove your animated butt shake. Thought I was a bit too buzzed last night when I first saw it.

  3. The last guy I lived with? I yelled at him because he used my hair towel.

  4. It's posts like that which you make you realise that life is stern and life is earnest.

    I'd have to say you're being a little harsh then. It's not like he was drying his balls with it or anything.

    (as far as I know!)

  5. Oh Bee! You are so lucky to still be discovering things about each other after all these years!

    How did you know? That's uncanny...

  6. If he's being doing it that long, and you've only just noticed, it can't be much of a problem. Perhaps you should have a special toothpaste towel...

  7. I say be thankful he brushes his teeth! What the hell you bitching about, woman? I bet he even bathes. Count your blessings Bee. And by the way, Brian o vretanos has a good point in his second comment LOL

  8. I can't make any promises? He should know better having a witty wife like you.

  9. everyone's a slob in my house so really we don't notice those things, its more like "what the hell's this clean towel doing in here? Did you go shopping?"

  10. Is the towel not there to dry hands/face?

    I'm gonna have to send this up to the booth for an instant replay. There is a good possibility the call on the field will be overturned.

    (Several minutes & some horrible waiting room music later...)

    Oooooh the ruling on the field is reversed. The towel is for wiping crap off your hands & face. I gotta tell ya I was worried the ref would blow that call but in the end they made the right decision.


  11. I have to admit, if I have something gross to wipe, I wipe it on Brad's towel. Only because I know he really wouldn't care. But if I caught him wiping something gross on MY towel??? Armageddon.

  12. I have to admit that I used to do that. I have been trained otherwise since I've been married!

  13. Andy, well done on this magnificent piece of luck and wisdom.

  14. Pistachio?? There's a man out there that rates above pistachio?

  15. John:
    I usually am the one that cleans the house and I don't mind because he does the *manly* things like pick up dog poop. This was a bit too much for me though.

    Ha! We have the TP standing straight up on a hook. CLASSY I know.

    I love the booty shake too! So does Andy. ;o)

    Yup. We have separate towels in different colors so nobody makes a mistake.

    I hope you realize that now I'm not going to touch ANYBODY'S hand towel ever again. I will drip dry for the rest of my life!

    Smart ass.

    That's exactly what he said!
    "Bee, we've been married for 7.5(ish) years and you just noticed BFD! I dry my hands with the front and my mouth with the back!" GAH!!

    Let's not get started on the bathing thing, m'kay?

    CM of 3:
    He's cute but a little clueless. ;op

    jean knee:
    Ha ha! Clean means new! :o)

    The Ref is obviously a man so I think we should take it to a neutral party.
    Maybe my hair dresser Freddie? he's a man but more than a woman??
    Poopyhead! :op

    I keep a roll of paper towels in the cabinet for grossies. :o)

    Ha ha! I'm untrainable and so is Andy. (:o{

    Pffft! Birds of a feather, don't know what they're talking about!

    Yeah. Even though I joke about running, I married a guy that does the laundry and grocery shopping. He's all right in my book. Sometimes.

  16. Hang on, I've just reread Andy's comment. So the towel's okay for him to wipe CRAP off his hands, but not toothpaste of his face?

    Hmmm ...

  17. Chris:
    Well, it looks like I'm going to have to supervise all his trips to the bathroom.
    Lucky me.

  18. Get white towels so you won't notice?

    And ummmm... Bwahahahahahahaha @ Chris' last comment!

  19. Yuck! I hate that!
    We've always had a rule in our house. The pretty hand towels are for hands only. And not just any hands. I don't want any kids peanutbutter smeared hands drying on my towels. Nor do I want my husbands gunky, whatever the frip he's doing on the farm hands on the towels. The pretty hand towels are for hands that were fairly clean before they were washed.
    Then in the cabinet we have the other towels, the red headed step children towels if you will, where you are allowed to wipe the gunky stuff, including toothpaste mouth on them.
    Of course, we had a war break out a month ago when my dear sweet hubby decided to do laundry and washed one of his new red shirts with my offwhite fancy hand towels and other various whites and turned them PINK! They were new too!
    Why do guys do that? And I know that it's passed on in DNA because my son is doing the same shit too and he's only 2 years old! Nobody taught him these things! It's imbedded in his skewed male brain.

  20. I married one year. Mine husband he never pick up his food dish and said he has many jobs to do in home. In his mother home he does do this she tell me to leave hes plate but I do not like the bugs who may come to our home. I should scream at him yes. I always laugh you make me. You be mine favorite! :)

  21. awww Bee Thanks for the link. I'll be floating for weeks on this, it's like giving a stalker confirmation their attention is appreciated! Just kidding (a little).

  22. Bee! Now, in my mind, you too look like Edward and Bella in that picture. I know that's lame, really. I mean, I doubt Andy can read minds, and you're a heck of a lot less 'oh, I'm a girl with no thoughts for myself' girl, so OK, maybe this is a lame comment. Still, you're going to be my version of Twilight.

    Andy can't read minds, can he?!

  23. My wife yelled at me for the same thing. So, I stopped wiping the white toothpaste marks from my mouth all together. Instead, I leave the crusty white stuff on my face now. In protest.

    Of course, this has presented a new level of problems, strange looks and snide comments.

  24. I too, love the name of your blog!! I also love your blog! Period. Why am I using so many excaimation points? I totally feel you on th gunky white toothpaste on the towel. However, I have not been able to force myself to squeeze the toothepaste from the end instead of the middle, so hubby isn't changing his habit with the hand towel. Oh, my. That sounded naughty. Hand towel habit.

  25. Great comeback Bee! I've missed you and your tales of the WOW-playing significant other.

  26. Hey Bee!

    As the mom of a now 21-year-old Dude-Man, I have endured Toothpaste Towel, Toothpaste Wall, and most of all Toothpaste Mirror, so I can understand your lament. Just thinking of all the crap.... uh....stuff, yeah, stuff that can be on that towel made me keep a roll of my very own personal paper towels under the sink just for ME. You've gotta wonder how much soap, if soap is even in the equation, to wash the hands after events other than brushing teeth. No way am I using that towel to wipe my pristine virgin mouth on.

    Thanks so much for the mention of Debbie Does....(ha!) maybe I should have named it just that, minus the Drivel! Always keep 'em guessing!

  27. Aww Bee, you are so lucky to still be discovering things...barf.

    You know, this is exactly what I tell my son (16), I tell him that his wife is not going to clean up after him like he thinks his mommy should (and sometimes does). I have tried Bee! I have tried so very very hard. I have yell, bargained, threathened >:(

    I TRIED.

  28. this is exactly why His and Hers towels make sooooo much sense! ;)

  29. Peter and I have our own towels, so I don't care what he does to his.

  30. i'd post some clever witty response here about something or another, but i can't. since i've been in this situation before... except it wasn't toothpaste... apparently i bleached a hand towel once. So i had to use white ones. Then the white once became "dingy"..
    so now we're on the verge of installing paper towels or something in the bathroom.

  31. *Sigh* I can relate. My favorite is when he spits the toothpaste into the sink, and then LEAVES it there to dry and cement itself to the sink. Sweet. Thanks. I'm still trying to figure that one out.


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