Thursday, August 21, 2008

I can't think of a freakin title so make one up once you read this post. Thanks for playing!

There are some people in the blogusphere that brag they have the best commentators in the world.

I would have to disagree and say I have the best ones in the world/solar system/galaxy/universe... INFINITY! If those same fake claimers give me any grief, I'll have to bitch slap them into seeing it my way.

You guys never cease to amaze me. The comments on my last post (HILARIOUS!!! YOU SHOULD ALL HAVE BLOGS! ... Oh.) prove to me you are heartless and have no sympathy for those less socially fortunate than us. I like that about you! :o)

I need to explain why I felt crappy about not putting any extra effort into signing Milton’s card.

It took me back to school, when the unpopular kid wouldn’t get an invite to the popular kids’ parties. I think I’ve said before how I never chose friend’s based on popularity or what cool gadgets they could bring into our friendship.

(ALTHOUGH... I do remember walking off in a huff with my volleyball one time because I got mad at my best friends for not letting me be Kelly, THE Kelly from Charlie’s Angels? But I was only about 7 or 8 at the time.)

I know she felt as if I was excluding her from my *click* when I didn’t mean to do any such thing. I really didn’t think much of it. I didn't know they talked about the nutty things I wrote on their cards because half the time I don’t even remember what the hell I’ve just written.

If somebody draws first blood (hee hee RAMBO reference) I have no problem switching gears to Mondo Bitch but I would never purposely hurt someone’s feelings. As inconsequential as the little message would have been, it did upset her. Sooo, I will be keeping my douche award thank you very much.


I appreciate all of you fellow loonies making me feel better! If not for my anti-social personality added to that the fact that I don't like to be touched -or touch people for that matter, I'd give you all a handshake.

By the way, I’m not trying to imply I’m the popular kid here at Arkham Asylum… hmmm, I guess I am. I can’t help being this cool. Also, I have no *clicks* at work, I am the Alpha chick, the lone wolf(-ess?), I drink alone (youtube).

Do you know what Karma’s payback was? I tried to think of what I would have written and I couldn’t think of a gotdang thing! I lost my MOJO!

This is all I could come up with:

It’s a good thing you’re an account, after this birthday, you’ll need your degree to count that high!

I'm so ashamed!


And now for some more marital bliss entitled "I see more chocolate in my future"

(The following took place after I told Andy the whole family was coming over for a visit.)

I’ll be home at 5 or so. I hope I can get in the driveway.

You’ll probably be home before anybody else gets there.

If not, I’m parking my car in front of Dan’s and he’ll just have to sleep over. “Yeah, how do you like that, Dan? Want some eggs for breakfast?”

Hey! How come you never offer me eggs?

You’re not a guest.

What if I leave you and come back for a visit?

You might find you’ve been replaced!

… … …

So. Um. Hello? I meant by Mocha. She would take over your side of the bed. That’s all I meant. I didn’t mean, you know. I was just…

… … …

So, do you want to go to a movie this weekend? Buy some plants? Shoes???

Sometimes, the most dangerous weapon is silence.

Humor Blogger dot com


  1. My husband came into the computer room tonight and said "Ya know, if you had a laptop, I might get to see you in the living room with ME at night.

    And I just stared at him.

    I was thinking "hmmm. sounds good" and HE was thinking "oh oh. no sex for the rest of my life"

    I'll probably be getting a laptop from him this Christmas.

    No wonder they say SILENCE IS GOLDEN

  2. Oh god bless the silent treatment! Sadly my husband grew up with a manipulative mother and is therefore immune to it. You're freakin hilarious and I'm glad to have followed you over here from your comment on my blog.

  3. I always got stuck having to be Sabrina. NOBODY wants to be Sabrina!! I, too, wanted to be Kelly. Frickin' Sabrina. Pfft.

  4. I was going to post a silent comment, and then you could have imagined all sorts of witty things that I might be thinking.

    But sadly, I'm not. I'm thinking about my breakfast/brunch, which will be eggless.

  5. How the heck do you still get chocolates after 7 yrs of marriage?
    Go ahead and keep the douche award. Just write something twice as long and funny next year. If she doesn't kill your mojo that is.

  6. I feel ya. I've been bitch slapped by karma quite often. I suppose I really should stop being so evil. You're much gooder at heart. :)

  7. very very nice illustration at your header!
    I guess you did that yourself?
    good work, keep it up

    Colors of Swallowtail

  8. Silence is a masterful weapon... but Humor is my weapon of choice.

    Nothing ends an argument about who does more chores like throwing in a jab of sarcasm.

    I was attempting to get out of scrubbing the toilet, by insisting i had done it the last 437 times. Well, there's only so many times you can talk about the toilet brush and who pees on the floor more often before things turn into a heated debate.

    In order for me to lighten the mood i like to toss out something random, but still on topic. Something like: "i'd like to smother you in peanut butter and cram you down that toilet with a plunger!"

    ...or i could go completely random and blurt out "I lost my genitals in the toaster."

    but the key to all of those humorous stabs is keeping a straight face, and shrug it off when you have to clean the toilet anyways.

  9. Chat Blanc is, I've afraid to say, wrong. I suggest now is your type, Bee, to step up and become the biggest uberbitch going.

    Headbutt Milton for being a whiny sow who doesn't know about else witty. Try the female patented nutlift on Andy (doesn't actually lift people up but it sure gets the attention).

    As to your chocolate pile following said exchange, bah humbug!

  10. Silence is GOLDEN. Oooh, you should buy some gold shoes.

  11. I have a sexy phone voice. I always got stuck being Charlie.

  12. There's silence, and then there's silence accompanied by "that look".

    As far as a blog post title: "Nanny Goats In Panties Rocks the Blog World. Send Her Lots Of Money"


  13. I was going to put in a silent comment here too. But I fear it wouldn't have the right effect. You'd just think I was too stoopid to actually write words before hitting the publish button!

    ps - I've got wonderful, heartfelt, loving greeting cards on my post right now. Or not...

  14. Unfortunately, the silent treatment does not work with Peter. He's just as stubborn as me sometimes, so if we are really pissed at each other we can go a couple of days without talking.

  15. Hey! What the HELL is going on here? I swear I posted a comment on here this morning and yet, it's no where to be found!
    Now I don't even remember what I said! I'm sure it was probably like the funnies thing I've ever said or ever will say and now it's lost, floating around out there in cyber space.

    Wait a minute...Are you and Dan in cahoots against me??????

  16. Tracy
    What are you talking about?

    Andy can cook for me anytime.

  17. Dan- you know what you did. You've been ignoring me for what seems like forever!

    I want some chocolate now!

  18. found you over at VE's...I like your attitude :-)

  19. Forgive me, I didn't realize I was in the presence of greatness (I'm bowing down) Your #1 on!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.