In today’s post, we will discuss the following:
-Andy's and my vivid imagination in “Adventures at the Laundromat”
-The Dependency/Addiction to my cell phone in “I forgot my cell phone at work and now you must die!”
-The Book (if you don’t know what book I’m talking about PRETEND you do) in “Dear Lord, it’s the Super Friends vs the Super Villains!”
“Adventures at the Laundromat”
While hanging out at The Mat Monday, we saw a big black SUV pull up and a tiny little woman jump out. She had a black garbage bag in her hands that looked ¼ full (or ¾ empty for you pessimists). She went to one of the big machines, put the clothes into a washer then drove off.
Now, there are 3 different types of people who go to the laundromat:
-Those that come to wash their bedding because they have an average sized washer at home.
-Broke asses who can’t replace their washer at the moment. ::wink::
-Those that don’t have a washer/drier because they live in tiny apartments.
I couldn’t see this lady fitting into either category.
We snuck over to her washer and tried to figure out what she had put in it, you know, in case we were called to testify once she was arrested for some crime.
I THINK it’s just jeans.
No, I see socks too.
Maybe she didn’t want to wash her jeans at home.
I think it’s one pair of jeans, a shirt and some socks but I’m not sure.
We decided not to make any assumptions until we could see the clothes better once they were in the drier.
The mysterious short lady came back, put her clothes in the drier and left again in her environment killing monster machine.
It was one pair of jeans, one t-shirt and socks. We THINK we saw a pair of men’s boxer/briefs but weren’t 100% certain.
This is what we decided her story was:
The rich lady is sleeping with her handyman and she doesn’t want the maid who washes her clothes to find out and tell her husband. What she doesn’t know, is that her husband is sleeping with the maid.
Holes in this theory:
Why wouldn’t she send HIM to wash his own clothes?
Her handyman lover killed her husband after he found out about them and threatened to divorce her and run off with the maid leaving his Ex with NOTHING!
She had to go wash the bloody clothes at The Mat so they wouldn’t find traces of blood in her washer. She will then take the clean clothes and donate them to a homeless shelter.
If her lover is ever arrested, we cannot testify that we saw him and who would think the victim’s grieving widow had anything to do with it?
Holes in this theory:
Andy and I shivered when we realized we had been in the presence of an unfaithful murderous whore!!
What? It was either that or watch the Spanish Telenovelas!
"I forgot my cell phone at work and now you must die!"
Normally, when we go do laundry, Andy reads his book (which he's had for 2 years and can't seem to finish it!) and I blog surf on my cell phone but I’d left it at work.
I can’t believe how dependent I’ve become on Scarlett! When I was digging through my purse looking for it, I had all the twitchiness of an addict looking for the last oxy pill. Once I realized I’d forgotten it, I almost drove back to work ready to splinter the door so I could get in the locked office. I took a couple of deep breaths and accepted my loss knowing I would reunite with beloved the next day.
Now you know why we had to entertain ourselves with a murderous fantasy.
“Dear Lord, it’s the Super Friends vs the Super Villains!”
Okay. I am not going to give too many details of the book and I’m not going to tell any of its secrets.
I have to start by saying that I love the story. One of the main characters, Edward, is so sweet and his inner battles had me rooting for him throughout all 4 books. His love interest, Bella, is okay too but my focus is always on him.
When I first started reading the books, I had to accept the fact that she was writing it for tweens and only then could I continue reading. What I mean by that is, books targeted for adults have more complex relationships, the story lines tend to be ore mature in nature and I can identify with some of the characters as an adult.
Before you start criticizing MY writing, I have always said I am not what you would define a writer to be. I’m more of a talk-writer. I write how I talk. I didn’t take any writing workshops/courses/pills, I just sit and spew. I don’t use big complex words, correct grammar/punctuation when I write because I don’t use them when I talk to normal folks. When I talk to attorneys I have to PRETEND I’m a tad smarter than the chicken flipper I really am.
I would honestly feel silly calling myself a writer. If it were up to me, I’d be broadcasting my thoughts directly in your ear without having to type and keep having to go back to correct words like “keep” which I spelled “kepp”
Anyway, I think she could have told the last part of the story in 300 pages. She did not need to drag my ass away from my family and friend (SINGULAR on purpose) for 753 grueling-rambling-stating-the-obvious-bringing-in-more-characters-than-necessary-making-me-want-to-cry-from-sheer-boredom pages!
They ALL love each other! I get it!
They’re ALL in danger! I get it!
They’re rich and have millions to spend on fancy cars, big homes AND ISLANDS! Okay, that’s my fantasy too but going on and on about it is just ridiculous.
I swear I remember being in 5th grade and writing a short story where I was a 16 year old bad ass princess and my dad (King Phillip) had just bought me a Ferrari! Hello? I must have been 11 at the time!! I cringe thinking about it now but I WAS A CHILD!!
I know her story is fantasy fiction (even though I still hope to find immortality one day so the generations to come will adore me just like you do) but she went off the deep end when she made vampires with powers to control the elements. The freakin’ ELEMENTS!!
For a second there, I was wondering if I was reading one of Andy’s graphic novels. You know which ones right? The Fantastic Four?? THE X-MEN???
Or how about The Justice League vs. The Legion of Doom. Only the Wonder Twins were on the side of the bad guys in her book.
For 740 pages, we read about the ANTICLIMACTIC last stand. I have to say that it made me want the bad guys to win.
Maybe she should write me into her book, I have a lot of pent up aggression and it wouldn’t take me but one page to destroy all living/undead things in my path... with perverse pleasure.
What's that? This post is calling the kettle black?? Yes, but you're getting for free and I am at your beck and call.
Having said ALL that, I will probably buy the next books she's writing entitled Midnight Sun. Ha ha! What can I say? Just don't try to understand me. ;op
*They probably don’t but they do in my head. [regarding title of this post]