Monday, August 18, 2008

More proof of my dumbness plus some movie talk.


I’ve noticed something about myself… I noticed I have issues starting conversations/e-mails/posts. I never know how to start a topic so I’ll just sit there looking at the screen or, in some unlucky people’s cases, their faces, wondering how I can begin talking about something without sounding like I’m waiting for them to finish speaking.

A lot of my posts start with “So…” as evidence above. My e-mails start with “Wzup??” or “hey!” and my live people on people convos start like this “Yeeeeaaah. So, I was thinking…” How lame am I?? Don't I sound like an uneducated goober?? You’d figure that at the grand old age of 35, I would have learned to master interaction with people from my same species! I mean, I talk to my car, my plants and the dogs with an ease that might suggest a mental imbalance but when it comes to people… ::shrug::

I guess it could be worse, I out grew the phase where my greetings were along the lines of “WHADDUP??” or “What’s goin’ on you bugly bastard??”

Anyway, the real reason for this post was to say something about Pride and Prejudice.

I happened to watch it this weekend, not on purpose mind you, it just happened to be on while I was comfortably sitting on the couch with the remote control miles and miles away from my little hands. I tried calling for help but Andy was too busy cackling evilly in the other room. I would have gotten up to get it but it was 11pm and I was exhausted after having walked for 6 hours and gotten sunburned in places the sun knows I’m powerless to protect. MY SCALP. I guess I could have worn a hat but I just look too good in them. I’d feel like I was bragging.

There I was, helpless. I try not to over educate my brain by reading classic novels or watching movies based on them but I had no choice on that sad Saturday night.

I'm surprised to say I liked it. This was the version with Keira Knightly and some guy. At first I didn’t think him to be attractive but there was this scene where it was raining and he was drenched and all I could think was “Yum-O!” but then he dried up and went back to being Plain John. Still, I’d consider him if I had a bucket of water handy at all times.

In that same rainy scene, there was a moment were he’s professing his love and she’s calling him a jag but you could feel the magnetic pull their lips had on each other- which they resisted. I think that was when I decided I liked the movie. Wet hot guy and a non kissing scene.

A few weeks ago, I watched Roman Holiday. I know the right thing to say is “Ooh! Audrey Hepurn and Gregory Peck! Classic!”


That whole thing about a lighter/camera had me and Andy looking at each other in a way two people in sync with each other’s thoughts has “What kind of bull crap is that??”.

How could they be IN LOVE if they’d only known each other for such a short period of time?? Then at the end, they just shake hands? Talk about a waste of an hour and a half! If the people involved with this movie weren’t already dead, I’d go over there and make them do an alternate ending.

This is how it would go:

Paparazzi Guy:
Dude, I got some pics of that princess while she was in the bath! How much do you think they’ll go for?

Gregory P:
Oh, at least 500 bucks. Don’t do anything with them yet. We’ll see if I can blackmail her into marrying me. Why take a golden egg when I can marry the goose?

Yeah! Then you can appoint me head of espionage! Me and my Zippo lighter will take naked pictures of tons of hotties!

Now we’re at the scene where she wants to meet the reporters. GP slips her the naked pics telling her there’s more where that came from and she’ll have to marry him if he knows what’s good for her (this is old people speak).

And they live happily ever after.

What? That’s how Andy got ME to marry HIM!

To all you Internet Explorer haters and Godzilla lovers, I am trying to ween myself off of IE but I find it harder than when I stopped doing crack. Just kidding. I never did crack but I'm sure there's a lot of twitching involved. Help me jeebus!



  1. My wife carries a bucket of water with her at all times for just that reason.

  2. I must confess I've never watched Roman Holiday, and now you've ruined the ending for me, well...

    I never liked the look of the box. Or Audrey Hepburn.

    Just the Keira Knightley one though. I tried to watch the six hour long version from PBS and even though I love Collin Firth, I couldn't do it. Six hours is just too much time to spend on one relationship that isn't my own.
    And that really is one of the best scenes in the movie.
    The second is at the end when he comes walking out of the fog, his coat billowing out behind him. And then he professes all of his love for her again.
    The only problem is, only dreamt up men talk like that.
    I wonder what kind of stories Jane Austin would have written if she had gotten married? Probably wouldn't have been as romantic.

  4. The Roman Holiday one tried to kill me! I only made it about 30 minutes in before I couldn't take it anymore.
    Then I decided that I had to watch Breakfast at Tiffanys in order to have a full life. I didn't get it either.
    I saw her eat breakfast, I saw her at Tiffanys but I never saw her doing both at the same time.
    Although, there were two things from that movie that I still feel like I need to own.
    1. The bathtub couch
    2. The tassled earplugs
    Then I would feel complete.

  5. The bulk of my conversations, in any realm, start this way:

    "So, yeah. Anyway...."

    And then people look at me or email back "So anyway, what? Did I miss something?", and their inquiry forces me to have to start thinking of a way to respond, which, if it's via email, takes me like 8 to 10 months because I am poorly mannered when it comes to email, and thus, when I get around to responding, I ususally start with, "So, yeah. Anyway..."

    Vicious circle, Bee. Vicious circle.

    I can't tolerate that Keira Knightley. Something about her irritates me. Can't put my finger on it, but if I could, the weight of said finger would probably knock her over.

  6. Bee,
    Here's the thing (which happens to always be what I start my sentences with), I went over to your other blog, read your latest post, and decided to write a little something special for you. Then I started worrying that you wouldn't read it for a while or you wouldn't see it at all, so I went over there and copied it and now I'm going to put it here so that I can be sure that you see it.

    Bee, as we've already discussed, you are one of my favorite people too.
    To cheer you up, I've decided to write you a to show you how much I care:

    An Ode To Bee

    You are the twinkle to my star,
    The shine to my sun,
    The stinky cheese to my wine,
    The Mc to my nuggets.
    Without you I would be nothing.
    For you are my Jenny to my Forrest.

    Ok, yeah, it's cheesy and maybe a little strange but if it made you smile, then mission accomplished.
    Also, you should feel better that I made myself Forrest Gump instead of you. That's true friendship right there.

  7. ITA with you about that scene. That actor (Matthew something?) Just was NOT doing anything for me. Then he got wet, and WHAMMO!

  8. I start all of my conversations with who, what, where, when or why. Totally works for me. ;)

    No one should ever watch any version of Pride and Prejudice except the BBC version. Yeah, it's true that it is six hours long but those are six hours well spent. Slow start, though. And takes awhile to really warm up to the ultra attraction of Colin Firth's Mr. Darcy, but when it takes hold, watch out! The women of the world fell in love with THAT Mr. Darcy. That's just a whole cultural thing and should not be missed!

    (Just kidding about my conversation starters. I really start everything with "sooooo.....")

  9. Forgot to comment on Roman Holiday. It was mildly amusing. And I use the term mildly loosely. Which brings me to a modern day movie that pissed me off the way this one did you. SERENDIPITY. All through the movie I kept thinking, "Why in the hell are these two people in love with each other? First of all, they know nothing of one another and secondly, they both have the personality of a gnat!"

  10. Clearly there is a spot for you in Hollywood too. Just don't be funnier than me...

    Oh, and that bucket of water, it didn't have the same effect with the Wicked Witch...must be a man thing or something.

  11. Now I'm going to have to watch Pride and Prejudice. Another thing on my long list not to get to.

  12. i don't know how I start conversations but it's probably lame.

    I don't like Jane Austen

  13. Keira Knightly was good in it? Fair enough. I just watched Street Kings and thought Keanu acted well ... until the end when he had a scene with Forest Whitaker. At that point the illusion ended. It was like watching Niles from Frasier trying to stare down Clint Eastwood. Not happenin' today ....

  14. PS I had a look at your other site. It's natural to feel those things recurring here & there - if shit hits you in your latency period (3 - 9) it lodges in your hard wiring. That's why it comes back and it's a miserable cold bastard to deal with.

    You're a brave and fine woman for coming through that. You kick fucking ass and don't you fucking forget it.

  15. can you tell me precisely when the wet hot guy shows up in the movie? I'd like to skip right to the good stuff.

  16. I start all my post with "so"

  17. I start some of my posts with 'so ... ' LOL!

    I loved Pride and Prejudice too, though I didn't think I would. OH loved it because he has a thing for Keira. And I have to agree with you, a bucket of water over the head would improve a lot of men. ;)

  18. I have two dear friends and when we start conversations on the for it's starts out with " yo baby, yo, baby YO! :)

  19. I start all my conversations with so...there's nothing wrong with that.

  20. Diesel:
    Smart woman! :op

    I saved you the trouble. I wish somebody would have been as kind to me. :o)

    Didn't she eat a bagel in front of a window?

    I loved your song!!! Just so you know, all comments are e-mailed to me right away!

    I'm not a fan either but I was powerless...

    Uh-huuuuuh! :o)

    SIX HOURS? The other one was 3!
    I agree about Serendipity! I've only watched bits and pieces but they all sucked.

    No way, you have the crown for weird.

    I really liked it. If I would have had a pitcher of Margaritas, it would have been even better. ;op

    jean knee:
    Too romantic for ya'?

    She was okay.
    Regarding Street Kings, it's on the hubs list to watch ::sigh::

    And Thanks! :o)

    Seriously it was like at 2 hours! I was too lazy to mooooove!


    I'm glad I'm not the only one! Hee hee! The men are getting wet today! :o)

    ha ha! I like that too!

    I feel better now!

  21. First of all, you can't blame Hollywood for not showing Audrey Hepburn eating breakfast AT Tiffany's, you have to blame Truman Capote somehow.

    Secondly, you let hubby see you naked before you got married? Who does that?

    Thirdly, what is this other website of yours of which everyone speaks?

  22. Bee, thanks for your comments and I'm flattered.

    I loved your post on Jane Austen even though it praised Keira K. I just think it's a shame Johnny Depp wasn't playing Mr Darcy via Keith Richards. I always said there was one character in literature who needed a Telecaster round his neck and a syringe sticking out of his arse.

    I haven't seen the film, but I will. I like Jane Austen, especially the Mexican standoffs.

  23. Bee-I forgot about the Bagel! Does that count? I guess it counts as having breakfast at Tiffany's but I still don't know if I would have named a whole movie after a bagel on a sidewalk outside of a store. But then, what do I know?
    And I'm glad you loved the song. See? I always told my mom that she would have regretted not buying me that guitar and lessons! I could have totally been a rockstar!

  24. Oh, and since 24 is my favorite number, I'm claiming it!

  25. Rickey has a question: how may more period piece dramas does Keira Knightly plan on doing? Seems like 5 years ago, she jumped into a corset and has yet to take it off.

  26. I don't think you could ever convince me to watch something like Pride & Prejudice...ever. Ever ever ever.

    I actually burned my scalp this past weekend too. It's a sun of a bitch. The worst is trying to towel dry your hair after getting out of the shower. Ouch.

  27. Tracy, read the book Breakfast at Tiffanys by Truman Capote. It's better than the movie and I think in it Holly says something like why can't all of life be like Breakfast at Tiffanys.

    This comment brought to you by Barnes & Noble- we have that book in stock.

  28. awwww geez, I was just gonna watch Roman Holiday and now the ending's ruined for me too (thank god)

  29. Gregory Peck, though, was kind of a cutie in Roman Holiday...

    Okay, yes, I know he's dead now. But still.

    And here, Bee-- let me help you get out of your self-proclaimed blog-post-starting rut... :)

    Take the very weirdest point of your post, like, hm, the phrase "Sunburned head," that's a good one. And then work from there. It scares people right off the bat...

    Though I suppose so does the image of you trapped having to watch "Pride and Prejudice." :)

  30. i totally hear ya when you say you wanted to kill people for making you waste a good 100 minutes on a waste of a film.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.