We've been married SEVEN LONG YEARS.
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To say they've all been a basket of jelly beans would be like saying you can eat bacon off a living pig while it's still rolling around in mud.
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Sometimes one or the other of us is a crabby pile of regurgitated dog crap on top of a slow burning pile of tires. Usually it's Andy because I'm just a DREAM 24/7. ;op
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Early on Friday morning, he was leaving for work and couldn't find the mortgage bill. By early, I mean crack of fuckin' dawn 6 o'clock in the gotblessed morning. My lazy bones don't have to get up until AT LEAST 7 so imagine my MILD irritation when he came storming into the bedroom bellowing like a boar with a burning stick up his ass. Uh... sorry. I guess I'm still a little pissed.
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I jumped out of bed to help him look for it but I was unable to find it. I reasonably asked, "do you have last months? You can use that you know." He muttered something that triggered my temper so a fight ensued.
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Ladies and gents, I know you think me to be a timid little flower but I have to assure you I have the arguing skills of a wife who knows exactly what buttons to push. He finally left for work and I got ready for my crappy day at the Asylum.
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When he came home from work, he brought me the following:
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That's when I realized I'll have to start asking him to bring me something less fattening. I don't think my body can take a lifetime of chocolates after every argument!
I guess the right thing to do would be to argue less but then when would we talk to each other??
Chocolate is chocolate! If I could get me some after a normal conversation, I'd find thing to talk to this dude I've been married to NEARLY 14 YEARS!! Hell, I might even talk about his silly Battlestar Galactica and space fight games.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...odd how he doesn't bring me chocolate when I bitch to him about those things....
(Chocolate covered FIRST!!)
Lucky girl!!
ReplyDeleteBut those Hershey 60 calorie sticks truly do not belong with the rest of those chocolates.
I buy those because I've put on a few pounds drinking all that good beer on vacation.
Of course they are pretty tasty, meaning that I usually eat five or six of them. Which then makes me thirsty. Which then causes me to open a beer.
And drinking makes me argumentative. Which is why my spousal unit never buys me chocolates.
I divorced after 7 years for all the right reasons--no chocolate. ;)
ReplyDeletedang, if I were you I'd argue more often. mmmmm
ReplyDeleteI don't think that you should risk your marriage complaining about the chocolate or not arguing. There's a much better solution - just don't eat it. I'll gladly take some off your hands, as I'm sure will other readers. It's the least we can do...
ReplyDeleteWhat do you get for losing the power bill?
ReplyDeleteProportionately it should be like a tootsie pop.
Is there a chart for this?
I don't get chocolate! I guess my husband doesn't love me!
ReplyDeleteBrad brings me flowers now and then as a preventive measure. And now that we've been married nearly 7 years he's finally starting to figure out what kind of flowers I actually like.
ReplyDeleteYou should ask him to bring you garden stuff next time.
ReplyDeleteThat's just awesome! I was actually moved by that. I must be PMS-ing or something. ;)
ReplyDeleteugh - regurgitated dog crap? Who regurgitated it?
YU-UM!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe ones in the white box are deeeeelicious!!
(I forgot they existed-which is a good thing)
You should take them to work to sweeten up your day at the Asylum. If you do take them you'll have to start thinking of a new argument fast since they'll be gone in no time (because the bats will eat them or because it's just rough to work there)!
chocolate helps.
ReplyDeleteNext time I'm bringing parsley. When its your turn.....
ReplyDeletebring pornHEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
Tell him diamonds and flowers are better for your hiney.
ReplyDelete