Sunday, August 17, 2008

Chocolate covered arguments.

Have I told you how long Andy and I have been married?? Yes? I guess I keep repeating myself because I can't believe I've lived with someone, who is not my blood relation, for so long.
We've been married SEVEN LONG YEARS.
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To say they've all been a basket of jelly beans would be like saying you can eat bacon off a living pig while it's still rolling around in mud.
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Sometimes one or the other of us is a crabby pile of regurgitated dog crap on top of a slow burning pile of tires. Usually it's Andy because I'm just a DREAM 24/7. ;op
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Early on Friday morning, he was leaving for work and couldn't find the mortgage bill. By early, I mean crack of fuckin' dawn 6 o'clock in the gotblessed morning. My lazy bones don't have to get up until AT LEAST 7 so imagine my MILD irritation when he came storming into the bedroom bellowing like a boar with a burning stick up his ass. Uh... sorry. I guess I'm still a little pissed.
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I jumped out of bed to help him look for it but I was unable to find it. I reasonably asked, "do you have last months? You can use that you know." He muttered something that triggered my temper so a fight ensued.
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Ladies and gents, I know you think me to be a timid little flower but I have to assure you I have the arguing skills of a wife who knows exactly what buttons to push. He finally left for work and I got ready for my crappy day at the Asylum.
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When he came home from work, he brought me the following:
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That's when I realized I'll have to start asking him to bring me something less fattening. I don't think my body can take a lifetime of chocolates after every argument!

I guess the right thing to do would be to argue less but then when would we talk to each other??

WE BLOG FUNNY

14 comments:

  1. Chocolate is chocolate! If I could get me some after a normal conversation, I'd find thing to talk to this dude I've been married to NEARLY 14 YEARS!! Hell, I might even talk about his silly Battlestar Galactica and space fight games.

    Hmmm...odd how he doesn't bring me chocolate when I bitch to him about those things....

    (Chocolate covered FIRST!!)

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  2. Lucky girl!!

    But those Hershey 60 calorie sticks truly do not belong with the rest of those chocolates.

    I buy those because I've put on a few pounds drinking all that good beer on vacation.

    Of course they are pretty tasty, meaning that I usually eat five or six of them. Which then makes me thirsty. Which then causes me to open a beer.

    And drinking makes me argumentative. Which is why my spousal unit never buys me chocolates.

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  3. I divorced after 7 years for all the right reasons--no chocolate. ;)

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  4. dang, if I were you I'd argue more often. mmmmm

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  5. I don't think that you should risk your marriage complaining about the chocolate or not arguing. There's a much better solution - just don't eat it. I'll gladly take some off your hands, as I'm sure will other readers. It's the least we can do...

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  6. What do you get for losing the power bill?
    Proportionately it should be like a tootsie pop.
    Is there a chart for this?

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  7. I don't get chocolate! I guess my husband doesn't love me!

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  8. Brad brings me flowers now and then as a preventive measure. And now that we've been married nearly 7 years he's finally starting to figure out what kind of flowers I actually like.

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  9. You should ask him to bring you garden stuff next time.

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  10. That's just awesome! I was actually moved by that. I must be PMS-ing or something. ;)

    ugh - regurgitated dog crap? Who regurgitated it?

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  11. YU-UM!!!!

    The ones in the white box are deeeeelicious!!
    (I forgot they existed-which is a good thing)

    You should take them to work to sweeten up your day at the Asylum. If you do take them you'll have to start thinking of a new argument fast since they'll be gone in no time (because the bats will eat them or because it's just rough to work there)!

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  12. Next time I'm bringing parsley. When its your turn.....


    bring pornHEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

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  13. Tell him diamonds and flowers are better for your hiney.

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.