Tuesday, August 5, 2008

What came first? The chicken or the chick who likes to eat them?

I was gardening this weekend and niece Natalia was helping me (according to her, my old bones are decaying).

I love hanging out with her but I never know when a dangerous subject will arise because it always starts so innocent.


Tia Bee, you're 35 right?

Uh-huh. Thirty years older than you.

How old will you be when I'm 35? 65?


Grandma is 20 years older than you so she'll be 85?

Bee: [beaming with pride cuz I still need to use a calculator]
Great math skillz honey.

But then when I'm 65 you'll be 95?

BAM! Because let's face it, even if I start treating my body like a golden Buddha temple -RIGHT NOW- my chances of hitting 95 are slim to watcha been smokin'!

Uh... if somebody finds the cure for bacon, sure!


So there we were, digging holes and replanting flowers.

Where did you get these flowers?

Home Depot.

Where did HD get them?

A nursery I assume. [I explained what a nursery was.]

Where does the nursery get the seeds to plant the flowers?

From other flowers or a seed supplier.

She gives me a look I know very well. this looks says "I am going to keep asking where the original flowers that produced the seeds came from until you can tell me the origin of all plant life, sea life, THE UNIVERSE"

For ages people have wondered what came first, the chicken or the egg. I personally believe the chicken because I believe in God therefore in my mind he made the chicken then the chicken produced eggs. Now, I am not going to get into a theological discussion with a 5 year old so....

Once upon a time there was this evil witch who liked to turn children into stones. This made a beautiful fairy very sad but she was unable to return the children to their human form. Instead, she would turn the stones into these beautifully scented plants with petals, later to be known as flowers. The evil witch then started pulling all the flowers from the earth but little did she know they were dropping little seeds everywhere. The sad towns people decided to pick them up and bury them by their homes. To their surprise, flowers started to bloom...

[serious face] I like your story but next time you can just say "I don't know".
What? I say the earlier she becomes accustomed to this nutty head of mine, the sooner she can start looking after me when I start believing my lies.

Now, aren't you glad I don't have any of my own??

Update on Assistantgate. She called in sick today. That's 3 times in 3 weeks but the powers that be want her to finish the month of August. Can somebody press the fast forward button??


  1. excellent training to become a parent.

    i think you should fire your ASSistant. then tell oz that she quit. problem solved!!!

    oh, FIRST!

  2. Two very valuable techniques in such situations:

    1. Change of subject- what did you want for your birthday again?

    2. Diversion- OMG isn't it time for Dora???

  3. Since when is "I don't know" acceptable to a kid? Or is it us that thinks it's not ok?

  4. I'm horrible with kids and their questions. I usually just try to talk WAY over their heads so they get confused, bored and give up. Also the same tactic I employ in meetings with dumbass coworkers. :)

  5. you need one of those remote controls that Adam Sandler had - then you could fastforward for real ;)

  6. That's my girl!!!!! I am so proud!!!!

  7. You should take Natalia to work. She could ask your assistant some difficult questions, such as "Why are they paying you to do nothing?", or "Why do you bother to get up in the morning?"

  8. Awww....she's cute!

    And let me just tell you, saying "I don't know" doesn't work with my daughter. When I say that she asks "why don't you know?" So now, when she has questions about something, we go to the library and take out books and read them. Those answer ALL her questions.

  9. "Let's go for ice cream" works pretty well.

    Lovely pics, btw.

  10. After she didn’t buy my fairytale, I told her what I really believed and she was satisfied by my answer. :o)
    I just didn’t want to share too many of my beliefs without her parent’s permission.

    Uh-uh. No babies shall ever exit my body. ;op
    I wish I could but knowing my luck and how stupid she is, she'd probably try to apply for unemployment and the jig would be up.

    Ha ha! She doesn’t fall for that. I’ve tried but she’ll sit there with her little serious face waiting for an answer.
    Then she tells me what she wants for her birthday. :o)

    She was raised amongst adults so she learned all about logic at an early age. She knows to come to me for serious questions because she can always put me on the spot. I have had her rolling her eyes a few times. Maybe she thinks it’s fun but she will always settle for “I don’t know” if I really don’t. She’ll just ask somebody smarter. :o)

    If I try talking over her head, using words she doesn’t understand, she will ask me what the words mean. Half the time I have no idea what they mean!

    I would LOVE that control! I’d go back to my skinny self and say “STEP AWAY FROM THE DEEP DISH PIZZA!” ;op

    Ha! She always gets me!

    She has worked here before so I’m sure she’d be okay with helping her old decrepit Tia Bee. :o)

    She usually just asks her mommy or daddy. I guess she figures that between the 3 of us, we’ll come up with a logical answer.

    She would have “after we finish here”. She’s silly like that.

  11. Sometimes the wisest people are people who haven't even to school full time yet! Also, pity you couldn't have hired this adorable child as your assistant, for she sounds capable of thinking things through and getting the job done, because what?! Three times in three weeks?! And is she working part-time?! She'd be out even at a retail job by now! Hold strong, Bee!

  12. Assistantgate? Awww...you should hand deliver some hot chicken noodle soup to her home. Oh, and bring the videos just in case she isn't really "sick"...

  13. I say I don't know a lot.

    I'm changing that to, "I don't know, go ask Daddy."

  14. The Chicken/Egg thing isn't a paradox.

    Clearly the egg came first.

    However, the first egg wasn't laid by a chicken.

  15. LOL! Great way to divert the discussion away from "the birds and the bees" discussion!!!

  16. Natalia is just beautiful. And wise.

    Sorry about your assistant - you would think that in these days of unemployment she would be a bit more conscientous.

  17. She's adorable, and kudos to you for attempting to explain Life, The Universe and Everything.

    PS- NEVER take her to Home Depot.

  18. FADKOG:
    Yeah, she is way adorable!
    Thanks for the good wishes on keeping my sanity! :o)

    If I am left alone with her, I might be doing 10-20 in the state pen…

    jean knee:
    Sometimes it’s just easier.

    You can’t just say that and run! Who laid it? It wasn’t me, right??

    I would run away screaming if I’m the lucky one to get asked that first!

    The assistant is a board certified dumbass…

    Ha ha! She’s already been. I don’t know what prompted the question on Saturday.

  19. It was whatever evolved into a chicken. Or God, for believers. But I suspect that in that case God invented evolution so he didn't have to lay eggs...

  20. You are like the bestest aunt ever.
    Even if you are old and stuff.

  21. Fire the unassistant Bee!
    Fire her like a 4th of July roman candle.


    I missed ya!

  22. That's a funny story! I love it when kids see through us, too! LOL!

    I used to say 'I don't know' to my boys all the time, then I'd say 'let's go find out'. The sooner they learn that adults don't know everything the better, in my opinion! ;)

  23. This child is a mathematical genius.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.