Thursday, August 28, 2008

Listen, I can't always use my handy hammer!


Someone give me 3 good reasons why I shouldn’t tap dance on OZ and Glynda’s head while wearing 4 inch heels!

The most creative answer (that does not mention MY weight crushing their skulls because that would kinda be the reason for this excessive exercise in brutality) will win One hundred Bee Bucks!*

However, those that can tell me why I SHOULD, get 1,000, you read that right - ONE THOUSAND! - Bee Bucks!

No, this is not a cry for help. I’d worry more about the imbecilic fools I work with!

More on that tomorrow.

On the sidebar is a new blogger device which you can click on to *follow me*, can you do that for me? I'm one of the test subjects to see how it would work. Thanks! :o)

*Redeemable only in the imaginary Bee store.



  1. You should for sure stomp on that bitch's head. But make sure you yoink her tiara and take it for yourself first. You might find that you look good in it, and at the very least you could drop it for about 20 G's at your local munchkin pawn shop.

    So why should you smash that cock tease's countenance right into her magical skull...?
    Well for one she's a righteous prude. I got a Franklin in my back pocket that says she's wearing a chastity belt. People who live their lives out without giving into nature's most powerful urges aren't right in the head.
    Another reason would be because she's an albino. Those people tend to have more mental difficulties than us pigmented folk. She's got two screws loose so far.
    She's a backstabbing chicken head who screwed over her sorority sister year's back for political reasons. She has no self-respect and allows the public to dictate her actions. Those munchkins are so ornery and populous that they really don't need her to protect them, but that bitch is so attention hungry she has to force herself into the limelight.

    So kill her please. Just nab that crown first. That thing is bank.

  2. Reasons why you shouldn't:

    1. You might fall off and hurt yourself. Anyway, how do you plan to get up as high as their heads? A ladder?

    2. You might lose your job, and lots of prime blogging material.

    3. What if their skulls are thicker than your heels? You might damage a good pair of shoes.

  3. Before I offer any advice, I would like to know what kinds of things are sold in the Imaginary Bee Store?
    See, one time a friend of mine got me a gift certificate to some strange store, I think it was like a used book store or something, and it was for $100.
    I don't do used books. I mean, I'll borrow one from a friend or something but to go into a used book store that smells like old, yucky..just yuck. I ended up buying a NEW fancy pen for like thirty bucks and then I gave the remainder of the gift card to some lady on the street.
    And of course I lost my fancy pen three days later. Fricker.
    So, what do you sell in your store exactly? Anything used? Smelly? Yucky? Is there anything used, smelly and yucky?
    If so, I don't want the money. I can't handle the pressure.

  4. Ok, I've decided to go ahead an give you my reasons anyways and take a chance. Here's my thinking, Bee is one super cool, kick ass chick so of course her imaginary store will be too right?

    Reasons NOT to do it:
    1. You will get blood and guts and other bodily yuck on your awesome shoes, therefore never being able to wear them again.
    2. You would never be able to get away with it because the investigators would come in and say "Whoever did this was one kick ass woman wearing an awesome pair of shoes." Then they would look around the office at the bats and then they would see you. They would arrest you on the spot.
    3.While you're jumping up and down on their heads, getting bodily yuck on your awesome shoes, your wonderful phone might fall out of your pocket and you might accidentally jump on it, killing it, your shoes, and your freedom forever.
    4. They probably won't let you blog in jail and the rest of us will die without you.

    Don't do it Bee. Think of us, your blog stalkers! And of your awesome, kick ass shoes. Don't ruin the shoes!

  5. I'm now following you Bee.

    With my luck I'll be accused of stalking, get arrested,be publicly humiliated and banned from Blogger. And just when I figured out how to install a bloody widget, too.

  6. Hey, I'm following you now too but how come I can't get anyone to follow me? It's not available to me. Why? What did I do?

  7. I'm gonna keep this simple. . .

    You SHOULD tap dance on their heads because it will be awesomely entertaining for everyone but them.

    Okay, I'm a follower now. So now do you present us with membership cards or restraining orders? :)

  8. 1. Its good exercise.

    2. Save on therapy bills.

    3. I'm sure your not the only one to ever feel this way about her so do it, you might get an award, newspaper interviews, TV shows. Pretty soon we could start to hear presidency rumors.......
    ***Bee in 2012***

  9. Rickey will follow youuuuuuu wherever youuuuuuu may goooooo....

  10. I'm following you too, Bee. Always a follower, never a leader. I hope we don't end up in Jonestown drinking Gayana Punch. wooo hoo remember that song by the judy's? banned in this country--of course you don't you're young


    don't step on their heads, I suspect they are like rotten pumpkins and you will collapse in the maggot covered ooze

  11. who is Steven? he sounds fascinating

  12. and I was eleventh but forgot to gloat

  13. I am Steven and yes I am fascinating.
    check out my blog at:

  14. Three reasons:

    1. They'll be peaking up your dress as you do so. No really...they will!

    2. Zit juice can stain both shoes and clothing. Just be aware...

    3. Spiked face dancing is banned in nearly half the world's cultures and like Mexican dwarf tossing, should be seriously banned here despite moral people's attempts to curtail said entertainment. I'm sure somebody will YouTube it and then you'll have to answer for it!

  15. My reasons are valid, but boring, so for that, I apologize -

    1. Messy. You want to pick matter off your heels?

    2. What if the demise isn't quick? Will you still have the heart ton continue if they're laying there, pleading and begging?

    3. I would miss you when you were incarcerated. This one isn't boring. It's the gaddanged truth!

  16. You shouldn't because you wouldn't want to mess up a nice pair of heels!

  17. If I knew who Oz and Glynda were, I could give you a more informed answer. Or at least, I would know what I was talking shit about.

    1000 Bee bucks? What's in the imaginary store? If Brian wants a piano, I think some kind of imaginary Steinway seems appropriate. You could pesonally autograph it in spray paint or something. I'm sure he'd like that.

  18. Chris:
    OZ is my boss. Orthopaedic Surgeon, all around asshole.
    I call him OZ because he will only speak to 3 people in the office (I’m one of the lucky ones) but you must always request an audience with his lordship.
    Glynda is the Office Manager, all around dumbass lackey. I cal her Glynda because she’s is one of those always perky happy people. She’s also a nurse and very intelligent when it comes to illnesses but has about the same amount of business sense as a raccoon who has been gang raped by hyenas. In that she has ZERO.

    Now you know.

  19. Don't risk spoiling good shoes on swine like them. Just slip them a big faceful of laxatives and watch nature take its course ...

  20. A racoon being gang raped by hyenas? I'm guessing someone's had a rough day. Just call me psychic ...


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.