WAR! HOO! HAH! What is it Good For?

Throughout the ages… we have been made to believe all major wars were primarily about religion, land, oil etc but here, at the lovely Insane Asylum, I have humbly come across the truth.

Simply put, it’s about food.

Snacks in forms of cookies, crackers, cheese, cakes and the new one… ordering lunch without inviting the bats.

Now ladies and gents, you must think I’m exaggerating.

In your head you're probably thinking:

“You are one insane chickadoo if you think for one minute I’ll believe your crappy lies!”

First, to answer your thoughts, “Why are you being so mean to me? Have I not been super nice to you?”

Second, to prove my point,

All the bats were talking about what they had brought for lunch (as is there custom). I then realized I forgot mine so when Glynda walked in, I asked if she wanted to order out. She said yes so we did.

Now, my loyal peeps, I ask you… did I do something wrong in not asking the obnoxious pieces of pickled shit co-workers of mine? They had just gone on for a fuckin' hour about what they were going to eat!!

::breathe::

Anyway…

This conversation took place once I got back from eating lunch.

Toto:
Why didn’t you ask us if we wanted lunch?
Me:
Last I checked I wasn’t a waitress.
Toto:
I would have ordered something if it was from Wally's.
Me:
You still can there’s the menu.
PD:
What’s the point now? It won’t get here in time!
Me:
I hate to be rude, nah who am I kidding I want to be rude. I don’t care if you’re mad at me! My life will go on and I will survive.

I then started singing “I Will Survive” by the talented Ms. Gloria Gaynor (women’s anthem).

Sing it with me my sist-ahs!

♪ ♫ ☺

Oh, no, not I-I will survive

Oh, as long as I know how to love

I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live and

I've got all my love to give

And I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey ♪ ♫ ☺

They went to sulk in the kitchen.

Is it my responsibility to keep these morons fed? UHM... No!

What's next? Letting them know they went boom boom in their diapeey?!

BITCHES!!

On a weird (er?) note.

The other doctor, who I never talk about cuz he’s a nice man semi-retired in his 70s (we'll call him Mr. Rogers), asked me for a bite of my burger…!

Luckily, I had cut it in half since I never eat the whole darn thing so I offered him the untouched half but who does that???

What if I have cooties??

I mean, I’m married to a boy and everybody knows ALL boys have cooties!

I do have a theory as to why he asked me but it could all be in my head.

A couple of weeks ago I wore a skirt to work. After a while it kept shimming up so I stood up and adjusted it.

I had to lift it mid-thigh to fix the inside lining. I did this while at my desk since it's just women but first I made sure no one was looking at me from my window.

Little did I know I was putting on a show for Mr. Rogers who was sitting in the adjoing office (usually empty) on the computer.

Maybe he thought we formed a bond that day...?

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WARNING P.S.

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IF SOMEBODY POINTS OUT THAT I WAS MISSING THEM ON MONDAY... I WILL PERSONALLY WRAP ONE OF THEM UP AND SEND HER TO YOUR DOMICILE SO SHE CAN ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.

THEY ARE VERY TALENTED IN THAT DEPARTMENT!

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!