Too much to say...

5 signs you’ve lost it.

1) You wake up in a daze thinking its Saturday you go back to sleep. Wake up again thinking 'if it’s Saturday where the hell is Andy?' You go back to sleep again. You wake up again thinking its still Saturday but maybe you should get up and take a shower in case they call you into work. Then you think 'wait a second why would they call me into work?' then you realize it fucken Wednesday!!!!

Sucks being a sleep deprived Zombiemaniac.

2) You stand outside of your closet trying to decide what shade of brown to wear so that you can pick the right color of shoes, then wind up wearing purple which makes you re-evaluate your choices/decisions in life.

It’s a bad idea to try and use your brain at 7:15 in the morning.


3) You rationalize being late for work because your hair isn’t just so by thinking 'I need to look good in case I’m called in to go translate. They’re not gonna want me looking like a frizzy-haired-wild-eyed-lunatic.'

Uh-huh that’s what I look like when I’m having a bad hair day.

4) Risking your life by cutting off Mac Trucks zig-zagging thru traffic at 55 MPH using the excuse that it’s a necessary evil in the world of daily commute.

Clearly my brain is still not functioning enough to think that maybe I should leave my house earlier.

5) When asked how your evening was you answer “It blew large chunks of sour milk and rotten eggs!”

2 more days until Saturday.

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Andyisms Part 1500

So…
Andy and I were having dinner one evening when he starts telling me that at one of the job sites a woman is the one that comes and empties out the porta-pot so this got the guys to talking about what women they would "turn down” because of their professions. (Most of these dudes would be lucky to get a woman that scraps gum off sidewalks but they don’t see that of course)

Andy:
Yeah, we were like if you saw her at a bar and she told you what she did for a
living would you still do her?

Other Cavemen:
If she was hot I'd do her but then dump her.
Naw, I couldn't do it man she works with shit.

Meanwhile I’m sitting deathly quite ready to spring my trap, when I see my
opportunity I ask:

Would'd you say babe?

Andy:
No, I couldn't do it I mean that's gross! What if she were to come home splattered!

[click--trap sprung!]

I get up, put him in a head lock and ask:

“What the fuck are you doing in a bar trying to pick up chicks if you're MARRIED!”

Don’t worry I wouldn’t have extinguished him since there were witnesses.

Moral of the story:
Don’t tell your obsessively jealous wife you’re talking to the guys about cheating on her.