Thursday, October 4, 2007

Egg Factory: Scrambled, Sunny Side Up, Rancheros, Con Chorizo...

As all of you may (or not) know my 35th birthday is around the corner (as in don't walk around too fast or you'll knock it over).
I don't know if my mom is using this as her deadline for Baby Pressure Psychoness or what but she's become mildly obsessive (did I say mildly? I meant completely deranged) about letting me know I should at least have one baby.

At least one.
Like if it were a piece of gourmet chocolate in a nice lace covered box. As if it were the one expensive perfume every woman should have. As if it weren't a commitment tying my life/soul to another being for the rest of my life and theirs.

Don't get me wrong, I admire those of you (men and women) that have that bravery in you. I just don't have it in me.

I never played with dolls when I was growing up unless you count GI Joes bombarding Barbie's dream house and then crushing it with a Big Wheels Tonka Truck. That was me, the tomboy hanging from branches, jumping over fences, getting into fist fights, with boys not girls... they were never strong enough.

I had 4 siblings by the time I was 10.
I've changed diapers, given baths, babysat, walked kids to school, prepared breakfasts, lunches, dinners. We even, as a combined group, financially supported ourselves.

My life is now about me.
Me, Andy, Killer Tazz, Ditzy Mocha, Knuckle Breaker Chilli Palmer, Krusty 2 and Milhouse. That's our little family. If one of them misbehaves they get kenneled or locked in the dungeon (Andy). We have no responsibilities other than ourselves. Does that sound selfish? Well that's okay because we are.

I decided to make a list of Pros (with no Cons this time) as to why my life is so much simpler without kids. Don't try this at home because then you might want to move in with me and I just don't have any room for you. Okay I do have tons of space but I don't want to worry about you being thrown out of a second floor window.
What? Who would do that to you? ... ... ...

No cleaning up baby stuff like vomit, poop etc...
Hmm... well Mocha does throw up if she drinks water too fast and Andy does have to clean up the yard every week... Uh, we'll get back to that!

I don't have to worry about starving children...
Well, I mean T & M (Tazz and Mocha) do tend to whine until I give them food and have been known to toss their dish... but at least I can feed them whatever I want. As long as it's Kibbles and Bits dog food because any other food and they get sick... maybe we should come back to this one too!

I don't have to worry about kids getting sick, taking them to the doctor etc...
Although, Tazz does have skin allergies and Mocha needs to be "fixed" and then there's rabies shots, heart worm prevention meds, flee & tick meds, Tazz's tranqs... Holy Chew Toys! I think we need doggy insurance!
Let's move on...

If Andy and I ever travel somewhere we can just pick up and go with no need to worry about sitters and... well Tazz is very anti-social and cannot be controlled by anyone else but me. Hmmm... and I remember the last time we took him overnight to the campground and he threw up in his kennel on the way there. Okay maybe traveling isn't such a good idea right now.

No sibling fighting. I remember me and my brothers used to beat the crap out of each other until everyone was crying and... hold on give me a minute Andy's calling me (more like bellowing)...

BEE! Tazz won't leave Mocha alone!

Mocha stop pulling on his ear that's why he comes after you! WTF! Stop barking! Go to your kennels both of you!

Not Mocha...

Both of them! Don't show favorites!

Sorry, I'm back. I forgot what I was saying!

Does anybody want to adopt two nice little cute tiny non problematic doggies? I don't think I'm mature enough for the responsibility!

And she wants me to just have one baby!


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  2. You're already too old. The chances of complications, multiple births, etc, rises dramatically at 35. And of course that's going to be especially true for someone having their first (or first twins, triplets, etc) at that age.

    There's no rational reason for anyone to have kids - and no-one ever makes the decision on the basis of pros/cons.

    Children are better than dogs in that after the first few years you no longer need to clean up their poo, although the vomiting starts again in their late teens ;-)

    On the other hand, if you don't like your dogs you can always change them.

    The absolute worst must be kids AND pets.

    The best option is to have kids then get divorced and leave your ex to look after them (it worked for me ;->) - I know one guy whose wife did this...

    It wouldn't work for you, because you'd have to pay maintenance = no shoes for 20 years ;-)

  3. BEE, what the crap happened? I'm clicking every day and your rank dropped. We need to recruit jean knee and brian to click for us. Mercy Clicking!

  4. Can't you get a loaner baby for the weekend to take for a test run? I'd lend you one sassy toddler if you lived closer.

    I used to be one of those ultra-conservative women who would gasp and exclaim, "You're not having babies???!!? You are so self-centered and one day you'll be sorry." No. You should only procreate if thats what you and your partner have decided on.

  5. my biological clock kicked in when I was 35. I didn't want children until that magic number.

    I haven't clicked in a couple days, I'm on it

  6. clicks accomplished

    Ronald was kind of a cute baby

  7. There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids. You can’t force someone to be a parent. If it comes from you and it’s something that you want then AWESOME, but if not that is your choice. Not wanting kids does not make you a bad person and nobody has the right to judge anyone.

    Besides, with each day that goes by this world gets scarier and scarier... There is murderers, rapist, child molesters, drugs, war...

    You worry about who is watching your child? Are they taking good care of them? You see all these crazy videos of bad sitters hurting your kids. Even in churches, you have priests that supposedly gave their life to God and you are supposed to trust them and they turn around and do something horrible to your kids.

    A child is a part of you and EVERY single thing that happens to them either good or bad, you as a parent feel it in your heart and soul times a million. It’s a whole lot of stress and very hard work and you have to really sit there and weight out the pros and cons...

    Personally, the Pro’s won with me. One smile or laugh or hug from my daughter makes everything better and reminds me to thank God for sending her to me. That does not mean I don’t worry about all the above, I just keep having faith that God will take care of us and keep all that bad stuff away...

    Anyway... I just started typing like a maniac...

    Back to the point... If you don’t want kids that’s cool :) You are always welcome to baby-sit mine when ever you get that maternal need. Natalia is 4 and hopefully soon we will have another on the way. You are always welcome to change poopy diapers.

  8. P.S. If by some reason you did end up being preggo’s, I know you would make an AWESOME mom! :)

  9. brian:
    jean knee once said you have a way with words and I have to agree with her! "Too old" Hmmmm... I hope my aching bones get me thru the winter! :op

    Yup! That's what I'll say from now on. "I can't have kids cuz I won't be able to buy shoes!" (I know that's not what you meant but that's still what I'll say)

  10. EWBL:
    I think they cheat!

    I have a lovely little niece whom I borrow every once in a while and she brightens my days with hugs and kisses. But when she's cranky she goes back home to momma! :o)

  11. jean knee:
    I'm glad you had your little girl otherwise you wouldn't have had the opportunity to frustrate the school system!


    Yeah he's a cute one!

  12. Nancy:
    Go Big Guns! :o)
    Good to know you got my back!

    Shoogie Boogie:
    You know she's my heart.

  13. This is a very sensitive subject in our family for many reasons.

    What you should do, is tell the mothership that you will think about it. Just to get her off your back. You need to understand that to a grandmother, having a grandchild probably brings more joy than even having their OWN children. I am not saying you should have a baby just to make her happy, what I am saying is that you should understand where she is coming from.

    We come from a large family, at least on our mother's side. How many grandchildren do our grandparents have, 30-40? We (mother's kids) are 5 in total; ages 35-32-31-27-25, how many grandkids does our mother have? One. Just understand she probably does not feel her life is "complete".

    Now, here is my opinion in regards to you having a baby.

    If you feel you do not want to have a baby, why worry about having one? Do I think it's right? No. That is my opinion. I think we are put on this earth to procreate, spread the seed. Teach our children to be good human beings, make a difference.

    Do I think it is selfish of you to not want to have children? Yes. There are sooo many couples out there that would give their right arms just to be able to feel the joy of having children.

    I feel you are going to regret it when you are 60 and Andy and you are both retired sitting in front of your 3D 70" flat TV watching "Lost' or "Heroes" re-runs.

    I am anxious to have children and the fact that my wife is in a Masters Program and we have put children on the back burner for two years does not sit too well with me. Even though I support her 100% it still makes me feel a bit frustrated. Again, because I believe that is our mission on this earth.... procreate and raise our children to be good people, and I feel I am starting too late.

    That is just my opinion.


  14. I think you should read nancy's comment again. makes the most sense to me.

  15. Step back because I’m going to be serious.

    Coming from a “younger” generation I can say I have never given kids much thought. My girlfriend is in school right now too and 2 years older than I am but she has never once talked about having kids, getting married yes, but not kids and she comes from an old school Italian family. Her parents are pushing her to study and get her career going but have never asked when she’ll get married and have kids. She is 1 of 7. I think as the newer generation are growing up we are concentrating more on our careers, goals in life etcetera with kids not even a spec in the near future. I can say this because all my friends think the same way I do about their futures.
    I say you have a good handle on your life and you always put things in perspective the way it should be. I agree with Nancy in that you would be a great mother but I don’t think that’s what will be what defines your life.

    On the other hand, I’d love to see what kind of shit kickers you’d bring into this world.
    As we used to quote on a daily fucken basis so as not to go insane! “I’m here to chew bubble gum and kick ass and I’m all out of bubble gum!”

    Power to the Bee!

    BTW maybe we should set up a play date with Mocha and my dawg!

  16. SprmanTattoo:

    For the record I am still 26 for 23 more days!

  17. Little Brother:
    Funny, I know I called myself selfish so I guess it’s my fault for putting that word out there but coming from the same household I’d think you would have not used that word to describe me. I’ve lived the first half of my life with all the obligations of a parent, no selfishness there.

    I feel horrible for people unable to have kids but ultimately it is not my responsibility to worry about them. If there is a charity where I can donate money to find cures for infertility I’ll do it but not feel like I need to do anything beyond that.

    I guess I don’t understand why it’s okay to judge me for not wanting to have kids but it’s never reversed. For example, this need you have to “procreate” I would never say to you “S, there’s more to life than just kids” Never. Because that is how you feel. It is not up to me to tell you how to live your life.
    As you know, my feelings regarding me having children have been the same since I was little, that should be enough to prove how strongly I feel on the subject regarding Andy and my decision.

    Regarding teaching the new generation how to be good human beings, I think so far I’ve done okay since I do take some credit in raising you guys and even little Natalia. I would say that should be enough for one lifetime.

  18. big:
    I didn't know you had it in you!


    Shit kickers:
    Picture Calvin from "Calvin and Hobbs"

  19. My father never intended to have children, but married someone who did. I was the same. I'm very happy to have a daughter, but my life would have been no less fulfilled or meaningful without her (just different).

    Do people remember Einstein or Mozart because they had children? Do people think less of Mother Teresa because she didn't?

  20. brian:
    You're right people will know me for the cute and cuddly (prickly?) girl I am! :o)

    Now I want to know if Mozart had kids, I think Einstein did though hmmm... off to go hunting!

  21. Bee, as your Mother-in-law, I respect yours and Andy's right to chose what you want to do in this regard.

    You and your husband are turly good pweople and I LOVE you both.

    Do what you think is right for you both.

    I too wonder what this world is comeing to hope that both my childern will be O.K. as I see no good things happening around the world that can be good for any of us.

    I have neaver said to either of you or asked you when you are going to have childern, because it is not my business to push into your lives.

    Love to you both Mon R.

  22. Bee:
    i think you already have three; but at least you don't have to teach them to drive, and put them through college, and wonder when they're come home and tell you you're gonna be a grandmom. (well, first you have to get Mocha fixed and then no worries)


    how come its okay for Bee not to have kids but when i mention it, its not?


    yes, its very sad that there are so many couples unable to have children. its also disheartening that there are so many more children already born into this world without parents to care for them. which is why we have adoption and foster care. some might argue about a child of their own blood. but all those children want is a loving home. and if you want to be a parent, then thats what you're looking to give.
    Those who know me know that I, like Bee, am not interested in having children of my own. and if there comes a time when my partner and i wish to enlarge our family, then that would be my contribution to procreation.

  23. Seems like some people with kids or who want to have kids never understand those who don't have any by choice.

    Don't ever tell the mothership
    "I'll think about it" to get her off your back because I see no point in giving her false hope.

    What's selifish about not wanting kids ? I'm sure the human race will be fine. I'm not against having kids but I'm fine without them too. I'm at a point were I feel like my mission in life ( I'm about to sound like a bible thumper here) is to prove myself worthy of eternal life.

    Please send you donation to my new charity "The Dan Cordova foundation for steril people and beer money" to 7500 West ( you know the rest )

    I can't FRICKEN wait for the 70" 3D to come out !!!!!!

    It's all on you to make the mothership lots of little Nancy's and Camarones for now,


  24. MOM R:
    Thanks! :o)

    Your point about orphans was so on the money!
    You rock!

    Thanks and come home!

  25. Dan:
    I'll contribute to that charity!

    You're right humanity will survive without a mini Cor/Rut.
    Unless of course he/she was destined to cure all illnesses... Nah! Not my kid! ;o)

  26. Whoa!!! Enough said already but here are my two or three cents!

    I had always said that I would never have children, personally did not have the best of childhoods but not to shabby either. About 8.5 years ago I got a surprise. You've met her my daughter. She filled my life. I also have an ex who emptied it (but that is another topic!). He lives freely, I kinda don't.

    I never thought that i would admit to this but....
    I love my baby girl more than any words can ever describe but on occasion I find myself in this little daydream...."If I were alone right now I would be... or I would have....or I could have done...."

    I guess I'm a little selfish to. I think we all have our days.


    Kids are big beautiful loving ROPES!!!!! that are supposed to be 18YEARS long but we know how that goes I am a 28year long rope to my poor mother and she still can't see the end!

    I love my daughter and I would not change my life, however the choice kinda surprised me!

  27. And then I'm thinking I'll never be able to get one of those 3D 70" TVs But i guess i'll have grankids to tie me down, i mean keep me busy!

    To quote the quotable JK



  28. M:
    Yeah, we're all older but I can still feel how much my mom worries about us. I don't think it ever goes away...

  29. i packed some essentials and will begin hitchhiking first thing in the morning (it might be too dangerous to try tonight), so if all goes well i should be there in...hmmmm...might be a while, don't wait up

  30. Jai:
    Don't toy with my emotions!

  31. I feel like I'm with family when I'm here.......forget Olive Garden. It's Bees Musings!

    Maybe it's because a fair share of you have my last name. We can pretend that I'm your long lost Texas cousin by way of your horny traveling sombrero salesman, Uncle Ernesto who hit it with a stripper and knocked her up and didn't tell the rest of the family.

  32. I like Mexican food, and mana, and aleks syntek, and julieta venegas, and, frida kahlo's eyebrows.

    See how well I fit in already?

  33. Bee honey, (which is true coz it doesn't come from wasps. You get waspard from wasps but that's another story.)You just do your own thing and rest assured in the knowledge that I've populated the world for two people at least, so you're off the hook.

  34. Yeah...the kid decision. It's hard.

    Of course, I'm only 25, and singleness leaves me no hope of having one in the near future (no pity party here).

    My mom pressures me, too. I tell her, if its going to happen, it will be ten years. And she tells me, dont wait too long...yadda yadda.

    And I want to tell her - whose body is this? Whose life??

    And thats the point - its your body, life, and commitment. Why can't they understand that?

  35. Magdalene:
    Thanks for keeping up my end! :o)

    Yup, our body our decision.

  36. My Opinon, For What It's Worth: You've worked out your reasons and they're valid to YOU and ANDY, that's all that matters.

    I have so much to say on this matter...but it doesn't matter. :)

    PS: A reason NOT to have kids:
    My son locked himself in the dryer....I searched and searched....I panicked and panicked...until I heard singing coming from the laundry room.

  37. somegirl:
    OMG! You must have been terrified! :o(

    What song was he singing? ;o)

    Thanks for the support! I do value your opinion!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.