Everybody gets spammed right?
You open your e-mail and you have offers for weight loss, cell phones, Wal-Mart, and other stores that happen to have your e-mail address because some bastard has sold your information!
Being a modern chick, I have 3 e-mail addresses, hotmail, yahoo and of course g-mail.
My hotmail and yahoo accounts send me all the regular spam mail but my lovely g-mail account... well let's just say it's making me gender confused.
Every single piece of spam mail I get is trying to get me to enlarge my penis.
YES.I.SAID.MY.PENIS.
I'm not kidding! I haven't gotten anything other than this crap (this is just form today!):
"Pauline R. Pryor Your new penis will lead you to new s'e_xual successes"
"Marci Y. Rudd Your women were never so pleased with your penis"
Rosalie F. Daly "Bigger penis won't be on TV but in your shorts!"
"Ivan Z. Little Make your penis bigger and feel the difference" -
"Connie D. Kinney Take your chance and enjoy your bigger penis"
"Leonardo O. Richard You won't believe your eyes when you see your new penis size"
"Morgan M. Lay We can give you what you want: bigger penis"
"Teddy D. Wong We shall lead you to your new s'e_xual life - At last you will never worry about your size any more."
Can somebody tell me why? And! Check out the names of the people Ivan Z Little!
You can't make this shit up!
I'm hoping that many months of therapy can restore my self confidence in being a woman but I'm skeptical!
And! Not to brag but if I was a man... I'd be a MAN!
Know what I'm sayin'? [doing the man thing and grabbing my crotch.] (What? Too much information? Men know no shame...) (Say it loud and proud baby!)
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go check on something again.
You open your e-mail and you have offers for weight loss, cell phones, Wal-Mart, and other stores that happen to have your e-mail address because some bastard has sold your information!
Being a modern chick, I have 3 e-mail addresses, hotmail, yahoo and of course g-mail.
My hotmail and yahoo accounts send me all the regular spam mail but my lovely g-mail account... well let's just say it's making me gender confused.
Every single piece of spam mail I get is trying to get me to enlarge my penis.
YES.I.SAID.MY.PENIS.
I'm not kidding! I haven't gotten anything other than this crap (this is just form today!):
"Pauline R. Pryor Your new penis will lead you to new s'e_xual successes"
"Marci Y. Rudd Your women were never so pleased with your penis"
Rosalie F. Daly "Bigger penis won't be on TV but in your shorts!"
"Ivan Z. Little Make your penis bigger and feel the difference" -
"Connie D. Kinney Take your chance and enjoy your bigger penis"
"Leonardo O. Richard You won't believe your eyes when you see your new penis size"
"Morgan M. Lay We can give you what you want: bigger penis"
"Teddy D. Wong We shall lead you to your new s'e_xual life - At last you will never worry about your size any more."
Can somebody tell me why? And! Check out the names of the people Ivan Z Little!
You can't make this shit up!
I'm hoping that many months of therapy can restore my self confidence in being a woman but I'm skeptical!
And! Not to brag but if I was a man... I'd be a MAN!
Know what I'm sayin'? [doing the man thing and grabbing my crotch.] (What? Too much information? Men know no shame...) (Say it loud and proud baby!)
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go check on something again.
I'm lucky not to get too much Spam, and my ISP has a Spam filter, so it all goes into an inbox that I check on the web every so often (very occasionally the odd "real" mail gets in there). But I've only had one that might have been that - something like "Don't be an average man - get to the top with Maxidik" or something. Though of course, not having a sewer for a brain, I had thought it might be some kind of investment opportunity ;-)
ReplyDeleteSo now I know what I can look forward to if I ever publish my gmail address on my blog...
Don't they have spam for women - maybe about dieting, or do they think that the main gullible users out there are men?
Or since there must obviously be a lot of dissappointed women out there "Get More out of your Man - The Gift that'll Give you Pleasure Too." Or is that too subtle?
Still checking your package? Now this is weird, I never get spam.
ReplyDeleteMy issue is the opposite, I need a penile reduction!
ReplyDeleteBAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI AM PICKING MYSELF OFF THE FLOOR!!!! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU ON THAT MADE THEM SEND YOU SHIT LIKE THAT? THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR LOOKING UP SPANKME.COM!!!!!!!
i think theyre gonna kick me out of the library the crazy old lady is giving me the one eyed stare!
tears are coming outta my nose oh wait thats boogers
Like Jean Knee, I neve get spam. I prefer corned beef, or that meat with the egg in the middle...
ReplyDeletebrian: x 2
ReplyDeleteI have the spam filter thing too.
I don't think putting my e-mail address on my blog was the problem.
Men Gullible: Yes.
On the same subject:
Meat with egg in the middle sounds revolting!
jean knee:
ReplyDeleteMy package is still not there, it'll scare me when it is!
Anon:
ReplyDeleteCONGRATULATIONS TO YOU AND YOURS!!!
Please never tell me who you are, I'd be afraid to keep staring!
BD:
ReplyDelete::sigh::
I think I know what happened.
I ordered my Halloween costume on-line and you know how all costumes for women are "slutty"?
I think that's when all the problems started!
I left this comment on my blog too but I thought it needed emphasis.
ReplyDeleteSounds Revolting:
Maybe, but it tastes nice!
brian:
ReplyDeleteNow your're just being sacreligious!
Geez!
ReplyDeleteI take that as:
ReplyDelete"I give up!"
I hate to admit it, but you've got me there...
ReplyDeletethats why halloween time is my favorite time of year! i will be at every party i get invited too just to see the slutty nurses devils vampires witches!
ReplyDeletewhich reminds me i still havent gotten the invite to yours!
the old lady from the library gave me a warning no more loud laughing or my privileges are revoked or provoked not sure which one she said.
btw ingrid michaelson song nice!
ReplyDeletewhat? i am comfortable in my masculinity!
BD:
ReplyDeleteWhat are you going as? Wait, don't answer that!
Maybe you should start controlling your laughing fits...
ALSO!
Scarecrow said she went to a place downtown (can't remember the name) that sells cheese and wine.
SHE ASKED FOR THE CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!
She said they'd never heard of it and she had to let them know it's origins!
Did you know it came from France originally and is aged 15 years??
I didn't! BWAHAHA!!
Next time you come you HAVE to ask her!
YOU WILL DIE LAUGHING!
check your package!
ReplyDeleteROTFLOL! Quick, Bee, don't confuse your gender- believe me, it's much for the better!
ReplyDeleteI don't get any of that. I just get lots of friendly mail offering loads of money from a long lost distant relative in Ouagadougou. But my friend got one of those- on her web page! (she doesn't have one anymore before you go asking)
I only have 2 e-mail addresses, as of now. Oh no, I'm not modern!
Hahahaha!!! The saga of the fromunda cheese continues! This is the funniest story ever! I can't believe she is so gullible.
Thats what happens when you hit the XXX district.
ReplyDeleteThe internet is basically 75% porn & spam related advertising......
Well the porn isnt bad :)
Well, techinically the clitoris is oft referred to as 'the female penis.'
ReplyDeleteI typed out clitoris. Something I swore I'd never do. Happy now?
CLICK CHICK STRIKES AGAIN!
Shouldn't that be clit chick, Ewbl?
ReplyDeleteThe spam gremlins have probably just clocked our use of this word and are even now flooding ours and Bee's inboxes with invitations to watch 'Filthy Lesbo Sluts Eat Muffin.'
It's gotta be better than Spam though, God I hate that stuff. My Mum used to make it into greasy fritters when I was young. Blech.
is Andy saying you look at porn???
ReplyDeleteQuick, check your package
jean knee:
ReplyDeletepackage is still in woman form...
still in woman form...
still woman...
wait... what? oh still woman...
chris:
ReplyDeleteI asked her what the name of the place was again and she said Eno's
http://www.enowinerooms.com/locations/intercontinental_chicago.cfm
They are seriously that gullible! ;op
still woman...
andy!:
ReplyDeleteStop using my e-mail account for your porn fetish!!!
still woman...
EWBL:
ReplyDeleteSo you're sayin' I should get an enlargement? How will I walk?
still woman...?
magdalene:
ReplyDeleteIf I do get lesbian spam [::snicker::] at least it'll be gender correct... or will it? ;o)
Spam, yeah my mom used to fry it with green peppers, tomatoes and onions! Yuck!
I feel something changing...
Nope! Still woman...
jean knee:
ReplyDeleteIf my package changes, do you think Andy will dump me?
hell no. bee, we'r having a coup and taking over Brian's blog, get over there fast
ReplyDeleteI'm on it!
ReplyDeleteNot "it" just... whatevs!
Oh Bee, your comments are always so much fun!!! I especially like teh coup going on at Brian's blog....nice touch!
ReplyDeleteSo...Andy says you've been looking at the nudies, huh!?
Maybe the spam is not about 'PENIS' but PEANUTS...
"Ivan Z. Little -Make your PEANUT bigger and feel the difference" […in your sandwiches, for example]
"Connie D. Kinney -Take your chance and enjoy your bigger PEANUT" […in the Trail Mix, perhaps.]
"Leonardo O. Richard- You won't believe your eyes when you see your new PEANUT size" […so you can sell it on E-Bay!]
"Morgan M. Lay- We can give you what you want: bigger PEANUTs" […to make extra peanut butter]
somegirl:
ReplyDeleteWith one single "stroke" you put me "off" PEANUT "butter"... ;o)
hmmm, kinda makes me want a PB&J like, right now
ReplyDeleteGO KINKY!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm not the only blogger you know who voted for him!
ReplyDeletehe's a pretty good writer too
go KInky! I mean, really he's better than Arnold.
I WOULD VOTE FOR ANYBODY WITH THE LAST NAME KINKY!!
ReplyDeleteExcept if it was like Chris Angel Kinky I wouldn't vote for him...
well, Kinky is his first name but, whatever
ReplyDeleteThen forgte it! It would have to be his LAST name!
ReplyDelete