Saddle Up!

Return of the Butt Cake:

The. Physical. Therapy. Place. Brought. The. Leftover. Cake.
A. Full. Cheek.



ENOUGH SAID!
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A MECHANIC'S SHOES

What type of shoes do you wear to remove a muffler (or "silencer" in weird other languages) from a car?

Why these of course!

Duhhhh!

My sister called me at work to tell me my mom's car broke down and since I'm the closest, I went to the rescue.

Once I got there I diagnosed the problem as a fallen but still attached muffler.

(I said "fallen but"... [::snicker::])

I gave my mom instructions to switch the car seat from her car to mine (little Shoogie Boogie was with her) and drive around the corner off the very busy street we were on.
My plan was to slowly drive the car to the next side street since her muffler was dragging.

This didn't work because it kept moving to the side and getting stuck under the back tires.

So…
I got out of the car sat my butt on the curb and yanked the muffler out with my bare hands! In 3 inch heels!

Yeah!

I am pretty bad ass!

I keep telling you but you don't believe me!
I put the muffler in the back seat got in the car and told my mom to follow me.

As I'm driving back to my house, the car in all its noisy glory, a no good son-of-a-bushwhacker tries to cut me off!

I wasn't gonna let that happen since I was still smarting from when a nun cut me off on 9/28/07 at approximately 8:10-ish and I couldn't do anything about it for fear of a heavenly vendetta!

I showed that Bahstahrd what my mom's little Nissan was made of and he ate my dust. Adrenaline everywhere…

WHAT?

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

MY EARS ARE STILL RINGING FROM THE NOISE THE CAR WAS MAKING!

OH! You want to hear about my 2 year anniversary scheme. I did go back to work after saving the day...

2 YEARS IN "HEAVEN"

1) Answering questions with questions.
It went okay but it wasn’t too much fun.

Q

“Do you know who locked the back door?

A

“Was it you?”

Q

“Is Glynda in the bathroom?”

A

“Do I look like the bathroom supervisor?” (I am but they don’t have to know that)

Q

“Who put that box of paper there?”

A

“Wasn’t that box there all along?”

See it wasn’t too fun.

2) Locking the Back Door.
Do you know who kept getting blamed for locking the door?

OZ!

Yeah, they (the bats) were standing by the time clock whispering about how he's doing that on purpose because he doesn't want them to smoke on the clock. They're threatening to punch out for 15 minutes everyday just to smoke. Score!

3) Not responding to my name.
Yup! They kept getting in my face.

I don't think I like this one and will scratch it off my list. The only one being tortured was me.
That’s it… these people are beginning to bore me.
Maybe I should start looking for another job?

4) Window Watching
To Scarecrow I said the wind was dragging a huge branch across the parking lot. But when she came over it mysteriously disappeared…?

To Milton I said there was a suspicious looking guy that was pulling on car door handles. She asked if we should call the cops, I said I didn't see him now but maybe if she were to go out there and make sure she's seen… she asked me to come with her so I did.

We scared that imaginary thief away, I'm sure of it!

To Purple Dino-SOUR I said "I can't believe it's raining!" as simple as that, she rushed over to the window.

Oops! No rain!

This was my favorite. If only I could have captured the look on her face… ::sighing dreamily::

Cowardly Lion and Glynda were unable to participate in my study of the gullible and Toto... well, she falls for everything so there's no challenge.

5) Lunch
Unfortunately they brought normal stuff and the only fun I had with that was when someone told me they brought a ham sandwich and I said "A ham sandwich?! You brought Porky for lunch!? Did you know they discovered that pigs have the intelligence of dogs? It's like if you're eating Lassie!”

6) Mistaken Identity

I kept forgetting to answer the phone wrong so that was a dud.

7)
Air Instruments:
This didn't work as well as I would have liked since I guess they've become immune to my uh… eccentricities?

I did air guitar and piano, I have to admit to feeling silly...

They just walked by and smiled! [grrrr!]

Singing Out Loud:

They laughed but never told me to shut up. Probably because, as I've said, I have the voice of an angel...
I sang such classics as,

Black Horse And The Cherry Tree – K.T. Tunstall
(Woowhoo whoowhoo! BIG BLACK HORSE AND THE CHERRY TREE!)

Big Girls Don't Cry – Fergie
(Ladadadahhh, The smell on your pillow lingers...)

Vogue –Madonna (Which no-one can do without well... voguing!)
(Greta Garbo and Monroe Dietrich and DiMaggio Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean On the cover of a magazine)

One Thing – Finger Eleven (I sang this in Chandler fashion accenting certain words)

(If I traded it ALL, If I gave it AWAY, for one THING, Just for one THING, If I sorted it OOOUT, If I knew all ABOOOUT, this one THING! Wouldn't that be SOMETHING!)

And the Pièce de résistance :

Unbelievable – EMF

I sang the whole song loud and proud!!!

The weird part was how well it described the office situation.

You burden me with your questions

You'd have me tell no lies

You're always asking what it's all about

But don't listen to my replies
You say to me I don't talk enough

But when I do I'm a fool

These times I've spent, I've realized

I'm going to shoot through And leave you
The things, you say

Your purple prose just gives you away

The things, you say

You're unbelievable
-

All in all I had fun!

Although I think I made everybody believe I loved working here... Hmmm... :o(

Later dudes and I leave you with more of EMF below.

-

You burden me with your problems

By telling me more than mine

I'm always so concerned

With the way you say

You've always go to stop

To think of us being one

Is more than I ever know

But this time, I realize

I'm going to shoot through

And leave you
The things, you say

Your purple prose just gives you away

The things, you say

You're unbelievable

Below is not the video for the song but it's got better sound.