Monday, June 2, 2008

MY chest hurts! I think I’m having a lopsided heart attack!

That’s when your heart hurts but the pain is not on your left side.

Get ready for another rant. Ready? Are you sure? This might not be up long. I might take it down since I don’t know how long this pissed-off-edness will last. Might last one day, it might take us into the next century!

I have 3 brothers and one sister. Ages 32, 31, (wait, my sister is 8 years younger than me I’m 35. 35-8 =?) 27 and 25. I have no serious issues with those above the age of 26 but the one below that age??? I want to slap him so hard his silly cheeks will touch his toes!!!

I don’t understand!

We were all raised by the same mother so how can he be so different from the rest of us??

He was the first to cry out for independence, moved to New York and bummed around but finally came back after a year, skinner than death and even more lacking in family social skills.

He doesn’t want anybody’s advice because EVERYBODY IS WRONG but he will ask for money or favors when he needs them. He judges us for taking our jobs seriously “It’s just a job man!” Uh yeah, one that helps when you ask me to borrow money for the bus man!

Enablers, that’s what we are.

About 2 weeks ago I asked him to stop using the text option on his phone because we got a $70 bill for usages on his line alone. We are only supposed to be dishing out $9.99 and now he cost us 7 times that??

He apologized said he would stop but guess the fuck what? I checked on his phone and he is now up to $143!!


How was my message misinterpreted? Please, someone explain to me how me saying “Stop it!” turned into “Dude, you know what? I’d like you to text every one of your fuckin little loser friends just to say things like ‘wzup guy wtcha doin’?’ because I feel like this will help strengthen the muscles in my heart so that when I finally have THE BIG ONE I will be able to drive myself to the hospital without the need of an ambulance!”

Thanks LITTLE brother! I KNEW I could count on you!


You think I should keep personal family bizness out of my blog?

Tough shit there Sparky because now you pissed me off! Before, when it was $75 -almost two full tanks of gas-, I could control my heart beats by breathing slowly but now THAT IT IS ALMOST DOUBLE??
Well, breathing slowly won’t cut it because I might just lose too much oxygen and the 6 brain cells I have left might start knocking into each other. Where will we be then? Will you take care of me? Will you pay my fuckin’ bills?

But! Here is my solution. That Stimulus Package we are all coveting? You will get to see me cash it after you've signed it and MAYBE I’ll give you bus fare.


I know what you’re going to say, ‘bump him off your plan’.

One day, one day my heart will indeed be ice and he’ll have to walk that high wire without his chump of a safety net!

See that? And I don't even have kids! I shouldn't have this type of stress in my life!

Another Monday that sucked monkey balls! Can you guys please click on Humor-Blogs for me even if you know all I do is rant?


  1. Ha! First! Take that! First time being first on Bee's blog EVA!

  2. I'll be back to read in a minute. I'm busy writing a post.

  3. First, it seems that you have been doomed to a month of shitty Mondays. Don't get out of bed for them anymore!

    Also, you have every reason to be mad! It's not like you're dealing with a teeny bopper here (I can't believe I just said that, God I sound so old!) he's a grown man with, it sounds like anyways, no funds to pay for all the texting he's doing.
    I know you can't cut him off because he's family and you love him but I think you have every right to blog about it!
    Blog on!

  4. Yeah. You're right. He shouldn't be on your plan. The kid needs a swift kick in the ass, not the kid glove treatment he's been getting.

    I know it's hard. Super hard. But what you're doing for him is nothing like loving.

  5. Wow, you must have a tiny gas tank!

  6. I just filled my tank 80 bucks! Why are you paying for his cell phone bill? I would have cut him off already.

    SC (the 32 yo)

    By the way, I wrote a new post, and would like to know what your group of bloggers think about gun control.

  7. Here's to keeping personal family business on the Blogometer!

    FYI: Jeff Tweedy is the lead singer of Wilco, Chicago's (and the world's) premiere indie band who was nominated for a grammy but beaten by the status-quo Foo Fighters.

    Stop over again and see my Music Monday obesession with the band (hey if you had kids, you'd so be into anything that didn't have to do with GameBoy)!

    p.s. I really think I kind of like your brother!

  8. I love the "it's just a job man" slackers of the world. Was he, perchance, slurping a Big Gulp and eating a heat lamp cooked hot dog at the time of this profundity?

  9. I'm sorry you're having such a shitty time. I heard that some people are born with lopsided hearts, i.e. their hearts are on the other side. You might want to check which side is going "thump-thump" just to be sure.

    I wouldn't dream of giving anyone else advice about family, but here is an observation. Phones aren't a necessity of life - He won't starve if you stop paying his bill...

  10. Kick him to the curb Bee! Cuz I'm a tough talker like that. But in reality, not so much.

  11. Ooooo...and what's that pic from at the top of your post. Looks sexy and vampirish! *fanning*

  12. Simple solution pull up your account online and you can block text from his line only. I know because I made the mistake of giving my then 16 yr old daugther the text option. Big mistake, Big mistake. I then blocked it from her phone and now she is content using the computer when she doesn't want to talk on the phone. You asked nicly now take matters into your own hands and BLOCK THE TEXT!!

    Your Loving Sister-in-law,

  13. sounds just like my niece-she'll be 30 this year.
    I don't get her either

  14. Cripes, I don't even know how to text on my plan (well, I probably do for I have a few brain cells, but I'm cheap, so there's that conundrum)!

    You so have a kid. You may not have sired him yourself, but that's a petulent kid! I like the idea of blocking his text options. Dude's been warned, more than once it seems. I'd help him lose his number.

  15. Thanks everybody for *listening* to my rant.

    I am going to be kicking his ass soon so I should be feeling much better.

    That's what he said!!
    Sorry, I couldn't resist. My car fills up with about $40 or so.

  16. Just give him a broken that only the A works when texting and can only speed dial you in an emergency.

  17. Daaaang....

    Does he have any kind of job whatsoever?

    One day Bee, it's gonna be the poor house or tough love..

  18. My sister called me today with similar lamentations.

    She has a friend who is driving himself into the ground, and trying to take her along with him. She won't let him stay with her in her place, but she does let him sleep in her car! In her car!


    When she says she can't handle all the stress he piles on her, he says, "Just take it one day at a time."

    It's just a job, man.

  19. Bee I to have a teeny boper on my plan and he to is family so I could not boot his texting ass of my plan.


    If you can't beat them help yourself. I got unlimited texting for his phone (only $15 mon) and limit myself to 100 texts a month!!

    It helped my bill shrink considerably.

    BTW three phones on my plan I'm unemployed and still stuck with the bill... go figure.


  20. Feelin' your pain, feelin' your pain....I have one of those brothers too, he just truned 21 and I feel like throwing him off a bridge into shark infested waters.

    My brother Oscar has his own place and has a job BUT he is under the impression that my house is his own personal grocery store, laundry mat, dumpster, internet cafe, Blockbuster, phone booth...I've banned him from my house COUNTLESS TIMES. But he's like an annoying stray that just wont leave.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.