However, to live like me, you have to have quick reflexes (mine aren’t as fast as they used to be but I can still jump out of the way of an oncoming vehicle driven by an old lady looking for her lost penny), a controllable gag reflex (trust me on this, the rotten air will one day make Al Gore come and pay them a visit), a whip (to keep people in line) some cool shoes and a heart of stone (the harder the better).
Anyway, I had just dragged my sleepy butt into the office when our Thursday staff meeting was called. No sooner had we all assumed the position when the alarms in the building started BLARING! Now, I don’t know about you guys but I took it as sign to EVACUATE the building!
Can you imagine my surprise when my partners in lunacy looked at each other with wide surprised eyes asking “what. mean. that. noise? me. dodohead. ninny muggings.”
I can sympathize a little since I hadn’t had my morning cup of glorious-heaven’s-brew and was slightly groggy but I still KNEW to exit stage left.
I calmly walked back to the business office, located my car keys (it's always a mystery to me how they end up somewhere I know I didn't put them), grabbed my Betty Boop messenger bag, stuffed my cell phone and water in there, debated whether I had time to make coffee, decided against it and went out to the parking lot where other confused people were being blinded by the morning light, all in a matter of seconds. Did I wait for anybody from my own office? Hhhhell no! It’s every able bodied person for themselves!
Since we didn’t have a plan in place in case of an emergency evacuation and since the parking lot is tiny, I unlocked my car, pulled out a magazine and sat down waiting for the 'all clear' from the hot (HOT!) firemen.
Meanwhile, back in the Asylum, pandemonium had erupted! Should this one bring her pictures? What about the petty cash? The back up system? AAAAAAAAGGGHHH!! All this while I was reading about new techniques to keep your container garden healthy and listening to music in my comfy car.
When they finally made their way out of the building, it was decided we should all go to the corner so as not to get maimed by falling sheets of broken glass.
There we were, standing around looking for signs of smoke.
Can you see it?
Can you smell it?
How hot are the firemen? So hot they can start a fire by just walking into a room! (okay, that was from me, I seemed to be having a one track mind for a moment there)
Wait! Here comes one now! [repeating in my head ‘I’m married I’m married’] What’s that you say Mr. Gorgeous Fireman? The MORONS LOCKED THE DOOR TO OUR OFFICE SO YOU CAN’T GET IN WITHOUT BREAKING A DOOR WITH YOUR NICE BIG AXE??
Are you wondering how these people operate without the help of a life coach guiding their every step? Me too.
It turns out it was nothing. Just some lady who smokes, smelled smoke so she went all Gung-ho and called the Hot firemen. I’m saving that little useful trick for later. ‘I’m married I’m married’
On an unrelated note, half the building lost power NOT DUE TO THE NON EXISTING FIRE so they brought a generator to power the medical building.
You know who I would save from a fire? The people over at Humor-Blogs.