Tuesday, June 3, 2008

If you smack me with a 3 Musketeer, I guess that'll make me want one...

Okay, I know you think of me as fearless and unrattleable (antonym for rattled) (don’t look it up!) but I have to confess to one weakness (I think I have more but we will not discuss them on this post because it has nothing to do with babies with guns).

I’m not particularly proud of this so I’ll have to beg you not to make fun of me.

Pop up books scare the shit out of me!!

They don’t scare me in the “Oh look! Freddy Krueger is about to lick the side of my face and spear my throat!” it’s more the “Don’t wind the jack in the box cuz I can’t take the suspense as to when it’s gonna pop out!” kind of scary.

Needless to say, I avoid them like I do beets. I know it doesn’t make sense okay. I don't need to hear your lip!

The other day, I was relieving the receptionist while she did god knows what, I grabbed a magazine and started flipping thru it WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN!

Something jumped at me!

And almost hit my face!

I jumped from my chair, hid behind a wall to peek over at the weird hand trying to grab me!! I want to know who came up with this horrible add campaign! Heads will roll people!*

Look how freaky this hand looks!

She's a model so I know she must be beautiful but that hand just looks like an elephant paw (foot?)!

What's next? Hoses that squirt lotion at you when you turn the page? ::shiver:: That would be freaky.

You know who is weird and freaky? Someone over at Humor-Blogs! Guess who and you get a prize!

*I shouldn’t have to say this but people take me too seriously. I’m just kidding about the pop up books scaring the shit out of me. I just thought it would be funny if there was somebody out there who had this phobia.
... Okay, they scare me a lil' bit.

We went to the laundromat today without Andy hitting any cars! Yay!! Also, there was someone who kept trying to take my quarters! Finally I had to sit the 3 year old down and say "Listen! MINE!" then she climbed over my head and ran away. Hey, I had to make an example out of someone.


  1. What's so scary about that ???

  2. You're pushing my buttons brother Dan!
    Pushing my BUTTONS!!

  3. OH NOES!!!! Poor Bee :(
    I hope the scary inhuman hand lady doesn't give you nightmares.

  4. Holy Lord! You ain't kidding! She has a forearm the size of a linebacker! And, I'm sorry, but mint in a 3 Musketeers? Why must people always go and eff up perfectly good chocolate? It's blasphemy.

  5. I was so immersed in the whole scary pop up story and the weird hand that I totally missed the mint musketeer part.
    Why do the have to add crap to chocolate? Why Bee?

  6. That paw is bigger than her head, and you know that chick doesn't eat any 3 Musketeers, so I cry "False expensive advertising!"

    Additionally, blech, I hate fake mint. Do not sully my candy bar experience! Not you personally, Bee. Those who place those expensive magazine ads. You can sully away!

  7. Come in... Take a couch, tell me all about it...


    How did that make you feel?


    Well, my diagnosis is that you definitely are suffering from a textbook case of bibliokinesophobia, aggravated by childhood warnings not to accept sweets from strangers.

    My advice is to sue them for millions, in order to get closure from this trauma, and so you can pay my bill.

    Ah, time's up. We'll talk more next time...

  8. You poor thing!
    And you know what's worse? When that model sees how distorted her arm looks she's going to freak out and you know what's going to happen next right?
    Eating disorder.
    You better sue before the model does!

  9. Send the ad to Diesel. Apparently he's a fan of the 3 Musketeers.

  10. You sure know how to handle kids!

    Did that magazine page really pop up? How did they manage that?

  11. That's too funny!! Good thing it was a model and not a clown...that would have been creepy. I wonder if porn stores have pop up books...you know...with a hole in the back cover ;)

  12. That was scary, I'm sorry. I totally disagree with Dan. I'm gonna have nightmares over that chicks "man hands"

  13. talk about "in your face" advertising...You should be cruel and amputate her arm.

    I've missed you BEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. You sneaky little bugger...smart way to get humor-blog clicks. Nice. Anyhow, I'm surprised this tactic isn't used more in print advertising. You just have to look at something if it's lodged in your eye socket.

    I like your blog. I bookmarked it and will be checking back regularly to read and comment. If you need a laugh, check out my pop culture comedy blog.

  15. Okay, this post is floating along somewhere in the happy place known as LOL Utopia!!!

  16. Pop-Up books don't scare me. Know what "pop" thing does? Fat women in slutty clothes trying to dance the Pop N Lock. :0

    I had a weird dream this morning that I was directing a rap video because the whole video idea was mine. The video was scary but it was a nice departure from the usual bling and skank chick stuff you usually see.

  17. I have never in my lifteime owned a pair of Apple Bottom jeans nor boots with the fur.

    Maybe one day.....

    I used to freakin LIVE in baggy sweatpants and Reeboks with the straps back in the late 80's, though. Usually paired with a hypercolor T-shirt.

  18. Geeez, I sure could use that hand ;)

    Oh, and tell Andy congrats on his driving ability today!

  19. Oh The Outrage! That is just sooo wrong. It makes me never waant to ever buy a three musketeer.

    Those models always look like they have ginormous hands and feet cuz they don't have any fat anywhere,

    just so wrong

  20. NCS:
    It did. :o{

    I agree about the mint thing. Andy on the other hand is weird because he likes chocolate mint crap yuck!

    I don't know NCS, it's a sad sad world.

    I'm glad you clarified because I was about to go over there and sully away!

    I can never make enough money to pay your bill. Okay, maybe it's because I don't understand your pound versus kilo thing.. ;op

    Sigh, I need and eating disorder.

  21. Alice:
    What a coinky dink that he posted about 3 musketeers too!

    It really did pop up. I have no idea because I ran. :o)

    THEY HAVE THEM!! I am not kidding!

    Jonny's mom:
    Yeah! Dan doesn't know what he's talking about!

    ha ha! I didn't think about!
    I missed you too! ;o)

    That's the way I role! By trickery!

    Thanks! I'm bookmarking you too.

    Blech! I couldn't agree with you more!

    Fur boots? Hmmm... maybe for winter? ;o)

    I don't even want to know what for!

    jean knee:
    You can have the non mint ones. They're okay.

  22. AAAAAH!
    I forgot how scary this was....
    for you ;)


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.