You know what I just remembered that almost gave me a stroke??
I unintentionally put a hit out on myself about 14 years ago!
When I worked at the Brown's Chicken place, there was this weird manager guy (we'll call him Martin) who had the craziest crush on me.
Please picture Milton (not to be confused with the Milton that works in my office, that's another kind of insane) from Office Space only a lot younger and thinner.
I would sometimes catch him staring at me with such an intense look, he'd realize I noticed him staring but he never looked away!
Okay, I just shivered!
My friend (who I shall name Brenda) and I used to play "Key keep away". Which was hiding the register key from each other to see who could finish counting out their register drawer first.
Okay, the game was kind of lame. Would it be better if I told you that the one who lost had to buy the beer?
One day, I'd gotten the key first and she was chasing me around the store. Once she finally caught me, she was trying to pry it from my hand. We were laughing and I was doing pretty good at keeping it away from her which was impressive since Brenda was an Amazon woman.
All of a sudden, Martin came flying from around the cook aisle, grabbed her wrist and started yelling "Let her go! LET HER GOOOO!"
He went from quiet, unassuming sociopath, to crazed maniac in a matter of seconds! He wouldn't let go of her wrist until I reassured him we were playing.
Dude had the makings of the next Norman Bates!
Anyway, before his bizarre outburst, he and I had a conversation about aging. I was about 20 or 21 and he must have been in his late twenties early thirties. I mentioned how aging freaked me out.
---Before you read the rest, I need to remind you I was very very young AND PROBABLY DRUNK!---
I don't want to turn 50! It scares the shit out of me! Promise to shoot me the day before my 50th birthday.
His chilling response, in a dead serious tone.
DID YOU JUST GET CHILLS??
Imagine how I felt today while washing my hands when this memory floated into my head!!!
Shortly after that, he was transferred to another Brown's and I didn't see him until years later but stupid me never remembered to call off the hit on MYSELF!
On a scale from one to ten with one being Rocket Scientist and ten being a tone deaf gorilla, how dumb was young Bee?
If you click on Humor-Blogs you might save my life.
Yes, tone deaf gorillas are dumber than gorillas who can sing. I'd prove it to you but I'm just too lazy to go hunting right now.