Saturday, June 7, 2008

Confessions of a Bored House Frau (and by Frau, I mean COOL CHICK)

So... all of y'all know Mother Nature and I have been sparing for months now, right? I mean, sometimes she beats that crap out of me and sometimes I... well, let's just say I use my freakin' aerosol hairspray to screw with her mood a little. No, I'm just kidding. I just use the hairspray to paralyze spiders the size of small dogs.

Anyway, I had big plans for today. BIG! I was going to do some patio/yard work, then gardening (there is a difference, one is cleaning up A MILLION PINE NEEDLES and other weird tree crap, killing weeds, pulling weed TREES, spraying my beautiful plants so that the gawt damn GREEN BUGS stop making salads out of them and the other is planting more flowers), grill our dinner and pressure Andy into mowing the lawn, maybe catch a movie...


Mother Nature decided to send our county a tornado. With apocalyptic rain. Luckily, it didn't come near us and the cable and Internet were okay.

When the rain calmed down a little, I went to put my steak and Andy's salmon on the grill. I figured I'd be okay, it's only a little water (contrary to popular belief, witches DO NOT MELT IN WATER you'll have to think of something else). I was able to flip them once but when it was time to go get them, it was as if someone was dumping an endless bucket of water over my freakin patio!
What to do? I don't mind my steak well done but I'm not really sure about the salmon (not liking seafood makes me think it'll taste like crap no matter what) so I should get it as soon as possible, no time to wait for the rain to stop.

I couldn't have been out there for more than 1 minute and came back into the house leaving mini oceans in my wake!

When my hair finally dried, it looked like I'd stuck my finger in a light socket thanks to the humidity.

BUT! MY POINT FOR THIS POST IS... We were so unbelievably bored!

How bored were we?

Well, Andy decided to stand by my desk chair, pull his T-Shirt over my head WHILE HE WAS WEARING IT and started saying "Look! I'm preeeeegnant!" somebody send me a straight jacket!

He finally went back to his dungeon and I flipped the channel to The Osmond's 50th reunion. Yeah, you read that right. Don't worry, I changed the channel after Donny Osmond sang "Puppy Love".

What do you do when your house is clean, can't go outside, you can't leave the house because the annoying Emergency Announcement keeps telling you to abandon your car if you're out and about since the tornado might send you AND your car somewhere unpleasant like... Kansas??

I'll tell you what you do. You shift around on your uncomfortable leather sofas, constantly getting Indian burns from your skin sticking to the damn leather!

I went to look through our movie library but couldn't find anything I wanted to watch and finally settled on season 3 of Friends. You know what? They still crack me up!

So there you have it. A long boring post because of a BORING SATURDAY.
Please please let tomorrow be better! I'm hoping the words "I need to go back to work!" never pass through my lips.

It's IMPOSSIBLE to be bored @ Humor-Blogs so click and laugh!


  1. One way to stop being bored, is to be

    F I R S T !!!!!!

  2. 2: Sleep.

    When you're bored, you can't do anything that requires concentration, like read a book, or whatever. This means you must be tired, so you should sleep.

    Of course, this then messes up the rest of your life, when you get up and try and go to work at 3 in the morning.

  3. 3: Take up a mindless hobby. Such as knitting. Or reconstructing the Titanic out of cocktail sticks.

    This might make you even more bored...

  4. 4: There were some hilariously witty and entertaining blog posts yesterday - how could you be bored?

  5. 5: Paint all your ceramic surfaces with different shades of nail polish.

  6. 6. Go to London. If you're still bored, kill yourself.

    Dr Johnson said "If you're bored of London, you're bored of life."

  7. 7. Make a list of clever and mean tricks you can play on the bats on Monday.

    This has the added bonus of giving you blog material.

  8. 8: Make a list of ways to avoid being bored.

  9. 9: Post them on someone's blog, pissing off everyone who wanted to be first.

  10. 10: When you're finished, it'll be time to go to bed.

  11. Another way to stop being bored is to be 11th!

  12. I loved the part where Andy's boredom caused him to do that thing with his shirt! That made me laugh!
    Thanks for the laugh, now atleast I'm no longer bored!

  13. Wow, that almost sounds like my regular day!

  14. Sonofabitch can you believe my post today is about how Mother Nature has put a hit out on me?!!!

    I think if we gang up, we can take her.

    You go first though.

    She scares me!! :)

  15. For the record, that was a pretty heavy-duty storm. It will take years for Pianosa to recover.

    Unless FEMA sends us ten bucks.

  16. Brian
    Did you wake up bored today?

    It didn't rain by me, that's weird since we live only a few miles away.
    I think you should have a baby, it will give you something to do when you are bored.

  17. "If you have a baby i will give you something to do"

    Don't listen to Dan! Cause then I ill have to babysitter I mean, then you will have very little rest.

    You know if you are bored you can just borrow one of my girls, they are pretty amusing :)

    Do you think you ill be bored today? We might stop by for a bit.

  18. Crap! This is what it SHOULD say:

    Don't listen to Dan! Cause then I Will have No babysitter I mean, then you will have very little rest.

  19. I hope your Sunday was less boring than your Saturday. My Sunday? Thanks for asking. It's so boring that the word boring is all "Woo hoo! I'm a party!"

    I've been watching Food Network all day, I'm so bored. As a result, I now talk like Paula Deen, y'all, and these cake backing challenges actually have me gasping and caring who wins! Yep. Boring.

  20. what a great post! sorry that you live in a tornado zone...but most of all I am sorry you have spiders the size of small dogs! good luck with that.

  21. Well at least you had electricity.

    I think we should have a Brian-a-thon and give him some stuff to do!

  22. I hate apocalyptic rain :P
    HEY! I bet even though your hair looked like the pink panther's after coming out of the drier, your hair looked all pretty with its red streaks. Right?

  23. That comment was so boring.
    I apologize.

  24. Get a new puppy.
    That will unbored you.

  25. These people are not bored.

    Ah, maybe that last person is.

  26. We've been getting a ton of scary rain also.

    And as much as people like to rip on 'Friends', I still laugh a lot too!


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