Monday, July 30, 2007

Marriage Pains Part Deux!

For everybody that is or has been in relationships we all know it's a 50-50 partnership (it should be anyway). You both have to make concessions and compromises on a daily basis. Sometimes it's not easy (especially if you're married to an extremely opinionated, yet always right, person... don't look at me!) because it might be that your personalities are polar opposites or if someone in the relationship likes to over-react to the little things in everyday life.
You can deal with these issues many ways.

a) Burn partners collectible items. (nah, that's to psycho-ish, besides they could be worth something in the future that could buy you more shoes, uhh... if you're into shoes cuz we are not talking about me of course.)

b) Secretly disconnect computer wires so that when they turn it on and something doesn't work, they stand there and scratch their head in confusion. (hmmmm...)

c) Hide one shoe of every pair they own. (even the slippers...?)

d) Write about it in your blog.

I'll take (d) thank you very much! :o)
Yuahahaha! [fan of the cackle!]

Okay, I'm going to make a list of things to do or not do so that you may have harmony in your relationships. These will guarantee to make your partner happy and not go APE SHIT over stupid stuff.

1- Do not, under any circumstances, run out of propane/gas/charcoal for your grill because then you'll be blamed for him/her not being able to eat his/her burger RIGHT NOW!
Never mind that when you were cooking them earlier you let him/her know they were ready but he/she said they would eat later. How could you not have known that once you tried to turn it on again you would make this gruesome discovery! Yes, I know you offered to cook them inside on a skillet and it took you the same amount of time than it would have on the grill but you were just being too damned insensitive to his/her hunger. And that comment you made 'How is it my fault that we ran out, whadda think I sucked the propane outta the hose myself?!' That, little missy, was uncalled for! I mean... if it would have been me cuz it's not!

2-Don't let the cable company screw with the signal transmitting into the cable box and therefore disrupting transmission to the TV. Yes, I know there was a horrible thunder storm but it was the Season Finale of Lost so for Pete's Sake woman (umm... or man) why dontcha use your super abilities to monitor these types of activities? Never mind that you're also a huge fan and it was disappointing you too.

Along the same lines...

3- If the program he/she is watching freezes on the screen, find out how to fix it quick so that he/she doesn't lose a single second of the opening credits to the crappy movie...uh... awesome movie he/she is watching. Your suggestion to turn off the cable box or change the channel and come back to it is unacceptable! It is, after all, your fault that it froze in the first place!

4-Make sure you keep an eye on your pets AT ALL TIMES so that they won't shred his/her comic books that are on the last shelf with easy access to one Tasmanian devil and one walking barking paper shredder. Yes, I know you've told him/her multiple times to move said comic books to at least the second shelf that is 4 feet off the floor so that these fuzzy cuddly creatures cannot reach them. Unless of course they're part kangaroo cuz kangaroos can hop really high (more than 4 feet I'm sure).

5-Make sure you have pens on every possible flat surface of your house in case he/she needs a pen RIGHT NOW. I mean, come on, how could you have moved it? Never mind that he/she is the one who writes the checks/grocery list. It is your wifely...er, or husbandly... duty to know where one is at all times!

6- DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, tell him/her to turn on this or that street. Heaven forbid there happens to be traffic that day! It'll be your fault for calling everybody in Chicago (or umm whatever city/town/municipality/farm you're from) and asking them to drive down this street at this exact time!

7- Make sure you taste his/her food before they do! Then they won't burn themselves in surprise causing them to shoot you an accusatory glare as if to say 'why the hell didn't you tell me it was hot?!'. Yes I know the first clue would have been the steam, a clue which even a toddler could decipher but... like all world leaders he/she deserves to have their own personal taste tester, why else would they have married you?

8- His computer is his computer. If you use it once to look up a movie time then 10 days later it crashes, well then you must have done something! Maybe it was a virus that took TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY HOURS to manifest itself. How would you know this can't happen? Do you work for Geek Squad? No? Well then it must have been you.

I'm sure there tons more but this is all I could come up with for now. Yes, I know HE/SHE have their own issues but until they start a blog... Phuket! (this is not a swear word)
Please let me know if you have any suggestions to add to this list. It's always fun to find people that share the same issues with their spouses/significant others.

By Jove, We’ve Created a Monster!

This picture taken on our way home from lincoln Park Zoo


So… do you guys know of any people in your lives that when they get a little bit of power they turn into THE BIGGEST JACKASSES EVER!?

Let me take a deep breath before I continue…

Okay, feeling a little better.

So let’s talk about Cowardly Lion. The reason I christened her CL was because she tends to hide in the shadows if there is any sign of turmoil. She will never give her opinion on anything and rather than defend herself she’ll just throw her hands up in the air and say “okay!” as she's walking away (totally opposite of me, right?).

Any-who, when Glynda was distributing PD’s work, she gave CL 1 thing and I got about 99 things, all CL has to do, is go thru the medical requests and send them to whoever is asking for them. That’s it! That’s all she has to do. So why is it that this no brainer thing is such a problem? See insanity below:

CL: ‘I just went thru so and so’s chart and it doesn’t have a date on when the last records went out.’

Awesome Chick (me): ‘Okay but did you send the current ones?’ [trying not to make it obvious how little I care]

CL: ‘Yes. Should I bring this to PD’s attention so she’s aware she made a mistake?’

Me: ‘No’ [she just wants to rub it in and by rights, that’s a pleasure that belongs to me… yuahahaha! evil cackling]

I was in the middle of trying to figure out how she, CL, managed to bill the wrong insurance company (can you see the irony?). This is why I was keeping my answers to a minimum.

CL: ‘Maybe if she knows, she won’t do it again.’

Me: [still trying to diffuse the situation and not sound too judgmental when pointing out the obvious and at the same time pushing my SELF AUDITING CENSOR BUTTON] ‘Since she is no longer handling this job, there’s no point in telling her now.’

CL: ‘I need to tell her! She needs to know she can’t be doing stuff like that!


[All of a sudden this bee-yotch is yelling at me! Ummm… did you just meet!?]

Me: [not my best moment] ‘CL, all you have to do is send the medical records! That’s all! If the job is too hard for you, we can have Dorothy do it.’

Yeah… that did...

She threw her hands up in the air, growled “okay” and stomped out of the room.

::sigh::

I’ve decided that when I force an audience with Oz, I’m gonna ask him to make me supervisor of the Business Office because it seems that that’s what I’m doing anyway. I mean, when Glynda the Office Manager/Supervisor walks in and says “This insurance stuff confuses me!” you know you’ve got problems!

On another note.

I was driving in to work, giving myself my usual warning pep talk, you know the one that goes ‘If you punch somebody at work and lose your job, what will happen to Tazz, Mocha, Chili Palmer, Krusty the Second and Milhouse? They’ll be homeless!’ when I heard on the radio that the new season for “Dr. 90210” starts today. I don’t watch this show (daily) but in the commercial there was a woman talking about the surgeries she wants. One of them was a “Brazilian Butt Augmentation” HUH?? What the hell is that!?
This made me laugh therefore putting me in a good mood as I walked into the office. This lasted until I had above conversation with CL.


Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go ask CL why she billed the wrong insurance company on a patient. I tried to figure it on my own but as an example to you, it's like if she would have said that blue was a number instead of a color.

I'll break her of this new found courage she's got going, cross your fingers that she cries!

Just kidding... (picture me shaking my head, mouthing the words 'no I'm not')

Saturday, July 28, 2007

In Our Thirties Going on 13

My awesome hubby had a surprise for me today. He took me to the Chicago Botanic Garden
Unfortunately my camera was full from pictures I'd taken at the Lincoln Park Zoo last week but I was able to take a few. Scroll with me if you want to giggle.(unless you're and adult adult cuz if you're an adult adult, you might just tell me to grow up and then I'll be sad...)
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The names of some of the flowers/plants/trees were too funny not to mention. My top three are:


<--Blazing Star Gay Feathers



<-- Chokeberries









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and...
the winner...
BLADDERNUT! AKA -Staphylea pinnata-.
Since I knew you wouldn't believe me, I took some pictures. I can't make this stuff up folks!











Let me say that we had an awesome time but we realized we are still very immature as evidence from the picture on the left. I made some crack (no pun intended) to Andy about how he just wanted to look at a fully naked dude and he responded by saying "Phst! I don't feel at all threatened by him!" and we giggled cuz we are, you know, dorks!

Anyway the best was when a kid of about 6 walked right up to this statue and proceeded to pretend punch him in the ummm... bladdernuts (come on, that was a little funny)! Andy and I busted out laughing and that's when we realized that we may be in our 30s but we still act more like teenagers! And not the cool teenagers mind you, but those dorky ones that laugh at anything!

Andy's lungs have been super strong since he quit smoking a year and a half ago! [please clap with me]
Do you guys want to know the name of the style of this Bonsai tree?
You won't believe me...
Fukinagashi
=Windswept

It was a fun day! I loved it there sooo much, I asked if I could live there but they said no...

Andy was great and his prophetic comment in the car on the way home was interesting. He said 'So your day so far has been nice right?' it was only 3 so I said 'yeah, so far.' I was feeling very peaceful cuz I had found my Zen place but Zennes has no place in the life of Bee!
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Andy: [at other motorist] 'OH MY GOD GET OFF THE FUCKIN' ROAD FOR SHITSAKE!'
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Bee holding on for dear life and hoping her ear drums will live to hear another day!
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Andy: [still at motorist] 'YOU'VE GOTTA BE FUCKIN' KIDDING! GOING AND STOPPING GOING AND STOPPING! WHAT THE FUCK!'
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Bee: 'Chillax dude!'

Andy: [at beautiful wife who never swears or yells] 'I'M HUNGRY AND MY HEAD HURTS!'
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Bee: [now ready to jump outta the car] 'STOP THROWING A TANTRUM! YOU'LL EAT SOON YOU BIG BABY!'
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Side note: It took us 45 minutes to order our food, get it, drive home, take the dogs out and sit down to eat. So Mr. Hyde was around FOR A WHILE!
Love ya Babe!
P.S.
If you're wondering why I did not post any pictures of me... My Ethereal Preternatural beauty cannot transcend onto futuristic gadgets I'm afraid! If someone tries to take a picture of me, my... curse... is that it looks like they took a picture of a toad trying to lick it's eyeball. Yeah, I know. I'm sad about too.

Friday, July 27, 2007

A bunch of Randomnesssss

My friend Jai sent me this pic from "New Joisy"
I was walking by Glynda on my way to get my fix (MMMM…COFFEE!) and she asked ‘are you okay?’ (I thought to myself did I just say “I'm glad I’m done with this shithole for the week” out loud? I seriously had to stop and think about it!)
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Me: ‘yeah, why?’
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Glynda: ‘it sounds like you’re limping.’ yes... she said SOUNDS
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Me: [trying hard not to let the blood vessels in my eyes pop so I’m keeping answers to a minimum] ‘Nope. Fine’
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Glynda: ‘Okay’
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I walk to the kitchen, grab my awesome mug. It says "I’m on a 30 Day diet. So far I’ve lost 15 DAYS!" I laugh cuz it’s SO true… Any-who I’m thinking 'I know my brain is fuzzed up right now so maybe I can’t figure out HOW I can SOUND like I’m limping…' being the natural born problem solver (DORK) that I am, I walked back and forth in the kitchen trying to figure it out. Finally after like 10 minutes I decided to just go and ASK her what she meant.
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Me: ‘what did you mean by “sounds like you’re limping”?’
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Glynda: [I. KID. YOU. NOT.] ‘your shoes are making different noises.’
Yeah, she said that. Maybe it's only funny to me...?
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Second thing of randomnessssss:
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Do any other wives out there provide their husbands with pictures of near naked woman that they (their husbands) have crushes on?
I sent Husband Andy a pic of Kate from Lost in her "unders" and this was like 2-3 weeks ago and I didn’t get a thank you! So I remembered to ask him yesterday.
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Me: ‘Dude, did you get that pic of Kate I sent you?’
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HA: ‘Yeah’ [man of few words unless you’re talking about sports or video games then he won’t shut up!]
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Me: ‘What the hell! Why didn’t you say anything?’
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HA: ‘Wha-d-you want me to say?’
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Me: ‘I dunno maybe, “thank you awesome wife for sending me a pic of a half naked woman” not all wives do that you know! You should appreciate the coolness that is me!’
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HA: ‘She wasn’t half naked. Half naked is when someone’s wearing only a top or a bottom’…Glutton for Punishment I am.
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To Husband Andy I say, “From now on I’ll send you pics of half naked MEN!” See if I get a reaction then…
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P.S.
Guys, I can’t find the pic I sent him so I will not be posting it. I think I deleted it after I sent it to him cuz why else would I keep it, I’m not gay you know. (not that there’s anything wrong with it—Seinfeld still cracks me up—)
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Speaking of me Not being Gay.
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I am a Ginormous fan of Miami Ink especially Kat Von D so I was upset when she left but then I found out she’ll have her own show in August! AWESOME!
Brother Dan if you make a comment about me being Gay, so-help-me I’ll dognap your doggie and raise her as my own!
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Last but not least:
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Ami James and Jon Bon Jovi could be twins (both hot!)...
but you probably already knew that.
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You've been a great audience! Have a great weekend everybody!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Hunger makes me lose it!

I am super busy today so I just want to make one quick statement. (or 10)

Today is Thursday and as some of you may or may not know, Thursdays here mean someone has to bring in treats for the office.

It’s Purple Dino-SOUR's turn but yesterday she tried to weasel out of it and a meeting was called… (Holy jenkins man! Keep wasting my time on stupid shit why dontcha!) I was soooo caught off guard that my brain went into pause and I didn’t respond with my usual… charm.

I seriously think this pissed me off so much that I blacked the Hell out!

Nobody likes bringing treats in but we all DO it! Her excuse was that she starts at 9:30 now so…

Yeah, “so…” WHAT?! Anyway, Cowardly Lion said she’d bring in a “sweet” and PD could bring something else, you know, to make it easier for her (my eyes are rolling so far up that I can see the underwear of the people on the 4th floor). All I remember saying was ‘don’t bring anything warm cuz it gives me the runs…’ HUHN? Don’t ask me why I said that, I have no idea. I AM SO A LADY!

Anyway CL brought an apple crisp (WARM!) and PD brought Taco Dip (not warm) which is fine I love Taco Dip but there is one problem…

Instead of bringing tortilla chips for the Taco Dip…

She brought…

BUTTER CRACKERS!!!!!!!!

WTF (You know this merits the actual words) WHAT THE FUCK!!!

Can this woman do NOTHING RIGHT?!

BUTTER CRACKERS! (Hold on I have to remove a piece of butter cracker that fell into my cleavage…).

Here is a picture of someone who
could do a better job than PD:
My 4 year old niece at PD'S desk waiting
for Tia Yaya to pick her up.
I bet she would know to bring tortilla chips...


::sigh::
Back to work!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

One, Two, Three...

Okay I’m laughing so hard as I type this the rest of the ladies think I’m going insane (to them I say “going insane?” ummm… hello! I am insane! Can’t you tell by the way I always have these one sided conversations in my head… oh right, they’re IN my head! whatevah bitches).

Right off I want to say BROTHERS DO NOT READ THIS POST! Why? Cuz I will be speaking in intimate detail about women stuff and I don’t want to hear about how disgusting I am at our next family gathering which will probably be Sunday. You were forewarned!

So I go to the dreaded Office Hallway Bathroom after holding it for like 2 hours. I know I’ll probably have renal failure at some point due to my holding it for so long all the time but it’s a small price to pay for only using that disgusting bathroom 2 times in one day.
So I go in and since there are only 2 stalls and both are occupied, I hear this conversation.

NOTE: DISTURBING DISCUSSION AHEAD WHICH I FOUND HILARIUOS BUT MIGHT NOT BE FOR ALL THE READING PUBLIC AND CAN BE CONSIDERED TOO GRAPHIC!

Regular Stall Lady (RSL): ‘I just don’t get it! I haven’t changed my diet or anything…?’
Handicapped Stall Lady (HSL): ‘It might be because you’re going thru menopause. I’m sure it’s normal but have you asked your doctor?’
RSL: ‘Yes but since my doctor is a man he just said it was probably my age.’

Now I’m dying to find out what the hell is going on but at the same time I really have to pee so I’m hoping they’re not waiting to finish this discussion before exiting the stalls and I also hope they finish this discussion because I really want to know WTF is going on… torn between two evils!

RSL: ‘I have never heard of anyone losing so much pubic hair while going thru menopause…’ HUHN!!!????
HSL: [flushing the toilet] ‘Neither have I. When my mom and grandmother went thru it they never said that was one of their symptoms’ Umm Yeah… is this a conversation you’d be comfortable having with your daughter or granddaughter? Would it go something like this “Honey sit down so we can talk about what will happen to your pubic hair when you enter into menopause, I don’t want to alarm you but your koochy will look like a cross between a balding raccoon and a porcupine!” I TOLD YOU IT WAS GRAPHIC! And to say “symptoms” just sounds like it’s a disease! When I go thru it I will call them “side effects of being too much of an awesome chick”!
In the meantime HSL comes out of the stall looks at me in surprise (did you not hear the massive door slamming shut as I entered? did you think it was the wind blowing the door open and just happening to find the right strength to unlock it without a key?) Also I was glad she came out first because I did not need to see what would be in the regular stall because then RSL said.
‘You should see how many I’m leaving here now, it’s got to be about 15!’
Then former HSL says as she’s washing her hands: ‘There’s someone else in here.’
RSL: ‘Oh…!’
Me: ‘Hey, pretend I’m not here cuz now I’m worried and want your info so you can keep me posted… … … … … … … … … Hello? I know you’re still out there cuz I didn’t hear the door open…’ Then the door opens and closes!
This leaves me with 3 thoughts.

1) If you’re counting your pubic hair, wouldn’t you want to wash your hands before you leave?
2) Can anyone tell me if this is something else I have to look forward to as well as my boobs drooping, wrinkles, etc.?
3) Why is it that people always think I’M the weird one? THEY were having a conversation in a PUBLIC bathroom!

Could I have just done my business and ignored them? Yes! But then what fun would I have? Plus, I’m sure they’re giggling in their office right now so… blrrrrrb (me sticking my tongue out and making that special sticking your tongue out noise)


P.S I think I’ll have to frequent the bathroom more often now so that they’ll think I’m stalking them, just to mess with their heads! Who’s with me? Yeah! High Five!

That smell is Me...


I received an E-Mail from the woman I like to call my mentor with this message:

"Bianca
I tried to respond to your
Tuesday is Ass Day blog and I couldn't save it..........so here it is

Bianca,
You make me soooooo proud.
I would like to think that I get some credit for working with you in a dysfunctional environment in your past. It has been rumored that I have little patience for the 'lazy and the stupid' - and that I too.......let them know it. It must just be a rumor as you and I both know that 'I am a FREAKIN PEOPLE PERSON'! right?
Cindy"

Let me just tell everyone that she is sooo awesome! She was my first ever "Office Boss" (before that I was working at --DON'T LAUGH-- Brown's Chicken) she took a chance and hired me based on no office experience and just the fact that I managed a ton of teenagers (which by the way, I'd like to say, was easier than the women I work with now although my theory on that is that they need someone with an "iron fist" as their manager to... you know... smack them around when they're being dumb. I would love to volunteer for the job but I might not be impartial and just beat them up for no reason instead).

Thanks to her I don't attract small animals (and some bears) as I'm walking down the street cuz let me tell you that frying chicken for a living makes that smell seep into every single one of your pores. It took me about a year before I could go into another Chicken joint without it bringing back memories of my chicken slinging days! She has a flair for dealing with people and cutting thru their bullshit!

Why are we no longer working together you ask? No, it was not my raging alcholism! Unfortunately the owner of the company we worked for, sold it to a bigger company as happens with allot of small businesseseseses so yeah it was a sad day... but guess what we had to eat on our last day together? Guess you jerks! BROWN''S CHICKEN yeah I'm not kidding see how everything comes back full circle?

Any-who this made my day and well week too... let's face it what else do I have too look forward to? This made my year!

Now if only Kathy Griffin would send me free tickets to her show in Chicago in October or Husband Andy would instinctively know I want to see her when she comes to Chicago in October (October in Chicago and since my birthday is in November, it's allowed to give me gifts before my birthday, I won't get mad. And yes I know his birthday is in October before mine but this is called Bee's Musings not Andy's Misgivings so... yeah October 20th would be nice).











Tuesday, July 24, 2007

An Apple a Day Keeps you Burping Away.

Do you guys remember my granola bar post? click here
I am having issues with an apple being devoured…
Purple Dino-SOUR’s making sure I HEAR she’s back!
Did you know apples make her burp…? Allot!

Here’s a play by play:

grrounch! (taking a bite)
krew-assh krew-assh krew-assh (chewing)
gulululp (swallowing, yeah she swallows weird!)
bur-few (burping but trying to stop it mid-burp)
repeat this for like 10 minutes.

This all happened at her desk.

Halfway thru her apple I say, ‘you should cut it up in slices, might be easier to eat.’ I thought this was a good suggestion since she might have false teeth.
Her: ‘No, I don’t like it when it gets slimy’ huhn? What kinda apples is she buyin?
Me: ‘I didn’t realize apples made one burp so much.’
Her: ‘They have that effect on me…’
Me: ‘Wow! I’d be embarrassed to eat apples in public…’
Her: ‘Oh, I don’t even realize it anymore.’
Me: ‘Does your husband kid you about it? Does he say ‘now honey, no apple pie for you when we go to Baker’s Square’?’
Her: [laughs] ‘No, he burps more than I do’ ---LOVELY!---

Since I forgot my Ipod I had to share
.

You know, I think I'm obsessed with her eating habits because as I've noticed, this is my third post about her eating something. click here

Monday, July 23, 2007

Ignorant Women and the people who will smack them!


Those of you who know me, know I don’t have any kids. Those of you who don’t, have learned something new about me and can now be a step closer to the game I’m trying to get Mattel to buy which is called “Bee’s Trivia”. So far, no bites, they just keep asking, “Who the hell is Bee and why would anyone want to play that trivia game?” To them I say ‘lots of people about like 3 or so anyway and it’s not that they would want to play I would make them play!’ Why is it that I always stray from the subject and ramble on?

Any-who… I was talking about an article I read regarding woman without kids and their Biological clocks when the DUMBASS that takes X-Rays AKA Scarecrow says to me.
‘You know, I firmly believe that if a woman doesn’t have kids, she is only half a woman because she has never experienced the joy of giving birth and the deep love you have for another person.’
WTF?!
WTF?!
Who can point out how many things are wrong with this “opinion”? I know its her opinion and she can have as many as she wants so this is where the IGNORANT comes in!
First off, I am not half a woman (although sometimes I wish I was. Then I might be able to fit into some of my old clothes that I haven’t thrown away “just in case”…) I am a whole woman that can kick your ass in ways you’ve only seen in movies!
Second, the “joy” of giving birth?! Ummm… I hear the screams of woman giving birth and it does not sound joyful! Did you mean the intimacy of having your child nurture inside you? Okay then! Be more specific when speaking to me you ignorant sour puss!
Third, just because I’m not a mother does not mean I don’t have a deep love for another human being! I would DIE for anyone in my family! Especially for Niece Natalia & Husband Andy! I will never know what it feels like to go through the sorrow of seeing your child suffer but I do suffer deeply when someone I love is hurt or sad or angry. I also experience the joy of my family being happy.
Last of all who the hell is she?
This is how our conversation went, which I was surprised she didn’t cower away to a corner and cry bringing my tally of Grown Woman Reduced to Tears to 6.
Me: ‘HOW DARE YOU BELITTLE MY EXISTENCE?’ she stood their and looked confused.
Her: ‘I didn’t mean you…’
Me: ‘Then who did you mean?’
Her: ‘I just meant, you know woman who… you know…’
Me: ‘No, explain’
Her: ‘Well just woman who decide not to have kids…’
Me: ‘My husband and I decided not to have kids so I guess you were speaking of me.’
Her: ‘No, no…’ waving her hands
Me: ‘Okay enough stuttering! You have the right to your opinion but to make ignorant statements like those when you might hurt someone’s feelings, not mine because I have a lower opinion of you than I will ever show you, my point is I have the common sense to keeps these thoughts to myself!’ (Well so much for keeping them to myself… she just really pissed me off)
Her: ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.’
Me: ‘Then before you speak to me, write down what you want to say and read it back to yourself OUT LOUD. If it’s something you think might offend me, be prepared for the consequences. This is a free country but if you know you might offend someone, bring your boxing gloves!’
She walked out and has not been into the business office since! Hip hip Hooray! One down 4 more to go!

My fault. My fault for thinking I could have an intelligent conversation with anybody in this office. I wasn’t speaking to her though, I was speaking to Dorothy and she just busted into the conversation like she usually does.

The decision to not have kids wasn’t easy but it’s what’s best for US.
Will we regret it when we’re old? Maybe… but if we live to be old, then we’re ahead of the game.
To quote Madonna or was it Eva Peron:
"Don't cry for me Argentina..."

Friday, July 20, 2007

Metal in Humans

Real Quickie Vent.

I was wondering if anyone can tell me how much Iron is in our bodies…?
I think people in my office must have more than their fair share of Iron in their bodies.
Iron is a metal right?
Magnets attract metal… or is it the other way around metal attracts magnets?
So if Iron is a metal and my coworkers have more than their fair share in their bodies…
There must be a Ginourmous magnet under my desk!
Why do I think that?
Well because… if I’ve only been here for a year and a half and the rest of the gang’s tenure is between 4 and 20 years, the magnet theory could be the only logical explanations as to why they keep coming to me for answers and guidance on something they’ve been doing since before I ever heard of this place!
Since I can’t remove the iron/metal from their bodies (without going to jail and I’m trying to avoid that at all costs)… does anybody know how to demagnetize a magnet?
I would remove it but it must be invisible because when I was under my desk (hiding) looking for my pen, I didn’t see it!


Back to work...

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Flies and their Mothers

Sooooo. I’ve decided I have too many mirrors in my bathroom…(in my opinion one is one too many cuz I really don’t enjoy the sight of myself but anyway…) let me tell you why.

It’s like 11:20 PM husband Andy had already pestered me about bed time but I had to finish my recorded "So You Think You Can Dance" episode that brother Dan got me hooked on. Now as I’m going around the house checking if doors are locked shutting off lights, you know usual routine, I see a fly that has snuck into the house.
My theory on how it got in: Riding on Mocha’s back, hanging on to her collar cuz as you may or may not know she is somewhat of an airhead (yes, little one, you are). I screen the bugs that come into my house very carefully and only allow SOME spiders, usually the Daddy Long Leg variety, so they can get rid of pesky sneaky flies and those stupid little bugs that sometimes attach themselves to your plants.
I just noticed I typed in Daddy Long Leg singular, I would like to correct that to LEGS plural cuz if I ever see a Daddy Long Legs with only ONE long leg he/she won’t make the cut, I mean, how is he/she gonna compete with all the other spiders he/she’d starve to death and I won’t have that on my hands! Hey this is supposed to be about flies not spiders!
Ummm… where the heck was I? Hold on let me read what I’ve written so far…
Okay yeah, fly in the house. Now on a normal day I would run around trying to usher it out of my house to at least my back porch but as I said, it was Eleven-ish I was tired, so instead I gave it some advice If I were you, I’d get the hell outta my house on your own cuz if I do it for you it won’t be pretty. So… you better not still be here in the morning!’ Feeling like I threatened it sufficiently, I grabbed my PAJAMAS and headed for the bathroom. I’m brushing my teeth when I notice the stinkin’ fly has followed me in there! Obviously my threats meant nothing! It (I couldn’t tell if it was man or woman so we’ll say IT), flew to my right then to my left… mocking me!
For those of you who have not been in my bathroom (you’re lucky) I’d like to paint a picture of it for you (not literally cuz it’s only an OK bathroom, no need to immortalize it). I have a mirrored medicine cabinet that’s like 100 feet tall and 50 feet wide or whatever it’s just huge. Behind me is a set of those mirrored tile things (4 of ‘em) in a diamond pattern and to my left side is another set of those mirrored tile things (4 of ‘em). The previous owner must have really liked to look at himself!
My dilemma… since I think this fly is insulting me on purpose, I decide to put on my war hat and go after it! I, of course, do not keep any bug spray in my bathroom. So the next best thing would be… yup Clorox bleach spray. I grab it and as an after thought grab our toothbrushes with my left so that I don’t accidentally poison ‘em in the fight. So I’m standing in the middle of my bathroom with bleach in my right hand and our toothbrushes in my left. And I start spraying but this wiley frickin fly just laughed at me and flew around me. I know what you’re thinking… how can a fly get the best of you? I agree so what I did next was something I thought was brilliant. I stood still and decided to use the mirrors to my advantage. I looked at my medicine cabinet and just let that be my guide. So instead of twirling around like a LUNATIC spraying randomly, I just watched it in the mirrors. The one thing I did not take into consideration was… If I’m looking at a mirror that’s facing another mirror (hope I didn’t lose you), the position of the fly will not be what I THINK it is…
AHHHH SOOOO Grasshopper! My bleach sprays were falling onto the opposite direction! All of a sudden I start coughing… no, this was not a superfly with magical poisoning chemical powers. YOU have nothing to worry about! I on the other hand was poising myself! But I can’t open the door to the bathroom because then It might make a run for it… I can’t risk it ::sigh::
As the chemicals start messing with my brain, I stand there, wondering where my life went wrong…? All I was gonna do was change into my PJ's, brush my teeth and go to sleep! What was Mocha doing? Sleeping!
From far off I heard a voice of encouragement… ‘It’s OK Bee, don’t get mad cuz you can’t adapt to seeing in multiple views. The fly has had a whole life time of seeing this way, be brave brave brave…’
I stood up, I hadn’t realized it but I was sitting on the floor looking for… well I don’t know what… anyway… I stood up and saw that it was by the top of my medicine cabinet I let off a stream of sprays and IT finally started flailing about in the air! Yes! It was only a matter of time! Sure enough it dropped to the sink where I proceeded to turn on the water and watch it spiral down the drain! I kept staring at the drain feeling like I was about to be sucked in too… Oh right… open the door so you’ll get fresh air dummy! Success! Success! woowhooo! Yeah Baby! I’m patting myself on the back doing a touchdown dance when all of a sudden I look around… Every square inch of my ever-lovin’ bathroom is soaked with bleach! So guess what I was doing at midnight? Ding ding ding give the people a cookie! I had to clean my bathroom and let me give you some advice:
Number One: Invest in a fly swatter.
Number Two: Don’t spray bleach on mirrors. It’s really hard to come off and leaves them streaky even after you use Windex.
Number Three: If you mix Windex and bleach make sure you are in a very well ventilated area cuz I think it says somewhere you’re not supposed to mix ammonia with bleach… my lungs are still burning
Number Four: Don’t threaten a fly unless you are really serious and willing to deal with the consequences cuz they’re dangerous!
Number Five: Get rid of ALL mirrors in your home, office, car (well no, maybe not your car cuz I don’t want you to back into someone and blame it on me) etc.
Number Six: Make sure the medicine cabinet is within your reach cuz if you spray it with bleach and cannot reach it to wipe it off, it will look RI-DON-CULAS with all those little specks of dried bleach spray!

and last but not least…

Number Seven: Don’t trust your pets! They’ll betray you in an instant! Loyalty of dogs my ass! That little Bitch (not a swear word this is the technical term for female dogs) was dreaming about biscuits while I was dying in the bathroom!

In my defense, I am not the only one that has had problems with insects and dealt with them in an... let’s say ODD manner.
Please see this post.

Also, I know my sister is laughing her budonkadonk off right now because she has been witness to my weaker moments...

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

So Many People To Insult, So Little Time!

BLOGS
People use them to practice their writing skills, to communicate with friends and family around the world (or you know, around the Chicagoland area) and others to serve as an outlet for their everyday frustrations. I would have to say I'm all of the above, for me, there's no better way to have all the people you know have an up to the day account of your life, however boring it is.
When I was a younger Bee, my dream was to be a writer. I was gonna write the number one selling fiction book ever! Then I was gonna buy oodles of candy and never have a bed time! But I'll quote Sister Hazel "Life got in the way" so plan "B".

My plan "B" dream was to work in the billing department of a medical provider's office. Yup! That's what my little girl plan "B" dream was and I lived happily ever after... What...? You don't believe me...? Well you're right, it wasn't my dream but it's what I ended up doing. That's okay cuz it's me and about... oh I don't know, like a million other people... right?

So... yeah my point is my job is a job so I'd like to make the best of it. This is where this blog comes in. Since I started this blog I've felt a tad more mentally stable. I've had an outlet for my rage because as a normal everyday functioning woman, I have a SELF AUDITING CENSOR BUTTON (lets call it SACB) in my head. When stuff that pisses me off happens, I deal with it in a calm, professional, mature adult, well educated (got the picture yet) manner. I stand my ground but diplomatically diffuse volatile situations. Since this blog, believe it or not, I've had less headaches because when something happens, I try to find the humor in the situation so that I can laugh at myself as I post the latest adventures at Arkham Asylum.

The way that I express myself in this blog... well let's just say few people have seen that side of me in person. Off the top of my head I would have to say, some random friends I don't keep in touch with anymore, my sister and my brothers probably and I thought my husband. I tend to do allot of mutterswearing. You know what that is right? It's when you're having an argument with someone and they're, lets say in another room, you mutter every swear word you can think of under your breath so they can't hear you but it somehow makes you feel better. The profanity I've used in this blog is nothing in comparison to my mutterswearing.

Now for my problem. How can I put this... I've been told that the way I express myself in this blog is not me. That I should tone down the swearing. I've told these people to just stay away from my blog then. If it grates on your nerves don't read it. It's a free country and I'm sure there are other more interesting things on the internet that you can focus your attention on. Like Porn go look up some porn. Or maybe shoot some fake people or I dunno conquer a world, whatever man do whatever.

Bottom line moral of the story. If you can't support someone's mode of expression then... FUCK OFF!
Yeah, I swore howdya like that? Believe me when I say this was the tamest statement I could make. The other ones involved keyboards up... well let's leave it at that and call it a night.


RE: The pic, what do you expect it was with my cellphone camera at midnight...

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Tuesday is Ass Day!

Andy, I want this print!-->

Have you ever had those days where you know you’re a bad ass chick you know you are but something happens that you just want to throw yourself on the floor and cry from sheer frustration. Now I’m not talking about the kind of tears Milton had cuz I think she cried for nothing.
I walked in this morning to hear shit I did not need.

Glynda: “He said he will not meet for a raise, he’ll give out bonuses when he comes back from vacation.” What this means for me ‘hey! how are ya? Bend over!’ He has not won the war! It was forced on me to do what some of you guys suggested. Take the bonus and ask for the raise later. 3 weeks to the day that I receive my mother frickin bonus I will ask for the raise. Take that OZ, you selfish ass!

Glynda: “Purple Dino-SOUR is coming back she will be working 9:30 to 2:30 Tuesday-Thrusday” What this means for me ‘Hey! How are ya? Bend over!’ I still have to do her work for her when she’s not FRICKIN here!

Cowardly Lion: “Scarecrow called me last night and said she’s concerned about PD coming back because you and Milton have an alliance. She also said PD’s happy that she’s coming back for this amount of time because she doesn’t really need the money this is just spending money’ What this means for me ‘@$%#^@%#$@’ (Andy doesn’t like me swearing on my blog) Well I’m happy her royal ASSNESS has decided to give us the pleasure of her company! As for the alliance between Milton and I… This is not Sur-freakin-vivor Bitches! This is work! You come to work to do a job that you get paid for! If you do it wrong then you’re not gonna have my respect and I will let you know. I do not discriminate, if you’re stupid, I’ll let you know you’re stupid! I won’t stand there and yell “YOU’RE STUPID!” but you will know by my condescending attitude towards you. Be it Milton, Scarecrow, Purple Dino-SOUR, or whoever the hell you are!

I have been handed my ass! It was something else to receive it on a Tuesday usually that’s what I would expect on a Friday.

Oh Dear God, at least you blessed me with a morbid sense of humor!

P.S. Hell no I didn’t cry! I’m still a BAD ASS CHICK!
My goal for the day is to try to stay out of jail. Cuz if I go thru with my current fantasy, all the work BITCHES win! If anybody knows any psychiatrists let me know so that I can give them our number. The dude would make mint from all the bats in this Looney Bin!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Bee’s Private Bathroom Fund.

I hate public restrooms…!
I hate them with everything in my mere mortal body!!!!!
This morning I went to the restroom that’s located in the hallway of our building and the flippin’ seat was pissed on all over! I’m not talking about like a little bit of sprinkles, I’m talking about freakin puddles man! How can women do that to other women? Do they do this at home? Do they have puddles of urine soaking thru their floors??? If you don’t want to sit your bare ass on the seat and you’re not sure if you can balance correctly over the large hole, line it with toilet paper! If you make a fuckin’ mess then clean it up!
I also have a suggestion for the public restroom industry. (I’m assuming there’s an industry) Please carry toilet seat liners! In this day and age how can you not?!?!?! We've traveled outside of earth for pete’s sake! (not sure about the moon landing, it’s looks fake to me) I also want to suggest some kind of deodorizing spray that is mounted to the wall and you can push a button to spray either after yourself or the person who was nice enough to stink up the place! That was my second trip to the bathroom today. I walked in and almost threw up! Again I know…bodily functions… nature… blah blah blah. I had been holding it for a while so I had no choice but to hold my breath but now I feel like the stink is on my clothes!!!
Yeah I’m gross for bringing this up but use this as a public service announcement. This will be our motto.
We will not pee on our fellow women’s shoes!
(cuz you know it gets on your shoes right?) Gag Gag Gag!

Side Note:

Today was gonna be the big day! I was gonna march into Oz’ office and ask him for a $3 raise! I got up early so that I could style my hair and put make up on. I wore a business-y outfit I practiced by running different scenarios in my mind and was ready for anything!
I let Glynda know I would like an audience with him today and she said today would not be a good idea due to the fact that he had an audience with the Purple Dino-SOUR. She was going to stop by to discuss her time off! That frosted head is just gonna drive me to drink!

My fantasy:

I’m gonna wait for her behind the door and pounce on her purple ass! I’m gonna grab her “Marie Barone hair do” and make her apologize for being such a pain in my ass! Then I’m gonna take her coupons and shred them up! Then I’ll grab her keys and park her Cadillac on the other side of the street where she won’t think to look cuz she’ll think her “oldtimers” is acting up.

It’s called the Office Asylum Shuffle ®™

I wrote a song…
It’s called the Office Asylum Shuffle ®™

Sitting at your desk. Fake smile. Staring at the wall
Put your hands over your ears. Don’t listen to them drone
Shaking your head, shake your fist, muttering at them all
Ignoring their words feeling sick and trying not to groan.

Stand up. Sit down. Turn around
Pretend to work. Gossip Gossip
Oh-Oh here she comes silence now
Turn this way. Look down. At the ground
The Office Asylum Shuffle yeah YEAH!

Too much perfume. Making me gag!
Hey there purple you. Not so much Jean Natay
Hey there Scarecorw. Have another ciga--rette
Come and stand behind me. While you hack. In my ear!
Louder. LOUDER please! I can still. Somewhat hear!

Stand up. Sit down. Turn around
Pretend to work. Gossip Gossip
Oh-Oh here she comes silence now
Turn this way. Look down. At the ground
The Office Asylum Shuffle yeah YEAH!

Hey you, crying girl! Get to the point!
I don’t care how you came upon, all this crap
Just pass the buck. To the chump! Me! yeah YEAH!
Glynda. Glynda. Way to go to run the show
Give them rules. Let them stray. At the end it’ll be ok
Cuz the Chump. Will come through! Everyday! Just for you!

Stand up. Sit down. Turn around
Pretend to work. Gossip Gossip
Oh-Oh here she comes silence now
Turn this way. Look down. At the ground
The Office Asylum Shuffle yeah YEAH!

Oz Man! Find a brain! Find a heart! Gets some courage!
Order ORDER! That’s what we need! It’s all chaos!
Don’t just sign my pay check give me theirs!
Hell give me yours and just go fishing!
Be productive, we need leadership in the Land of OZ
With more money… who knows? I might stop bitching!

Stand up. Sit down. Turn around
Pretend to work. Gossip Gossip
Oh-Oh here she comes silence now
Turn this way. Look down. At the ground
The Office Asylum Shuffle yeah YEAH!
The Office Asylum Shuffle yeah YEAH!
The Office Asylum Shuffle yeah YEAH!
The Office Asylum Shuffle yeah YEAH!

Tagged!

I have been tagged and these are the rules…

“The Rules: Each person posts the rules before their list, and then they list 8 things about themselves. At the end of the post, that person tags and adds links to 8 other people and then visits those peoples' sites. Leave a note in their comments letting them know that they have been tagged, and to come read the post, so they know what they have to do."

I am going to List 8 things about me. Some weird and some not so weird.
Sister Nancy suggested:
1) When I find a shirt/blouse that I like I buy it in multiple colors.
That’s not weird it’s practical, I get so damn happy that something fits I have to take advantage!
2) I wear sandals all year round. Even in 10º weather.
That’s because my feet are always hot… This is why I always have to sleep with my feet uncovered.
Cowardly Lion suggested:
3) When I bring mail to the outgoing box I have to arrange it according to size.
Well duh! Of course it has be done according to size otherwise the little bills might fall thru the cracks!

4) When I was in school, I would cut class if my hair did not turn out like I wanted. I haven't really out grown this cuz I'll get to work late for this very reason.
5) I hate it when people ask me obvious questions. (‘Is the fire hot?’ ‘I don’t know why don’t you stick your hand in it to see?’) I mean, it really sends me into a rage although 90% of the time I control myself.


6) I would move to Hawaii in a heart beat if I could afford it.
7) I am known for holding grudges for years and years.
8) I have a fear of balloons. If they're in a room I start cringing and if they're close to me I start shaking and have an urge to cover my ears for fear they will pop. Birthday parties are crazy times for me.


I tag
Sorry folks but since I'm new to blogging I haven't yet established a fan base. Maybe one day...
And peeps that know me, feel free to comment on what you think is weird about me but remember number 7!

Friday, July 13, 2007

My expression of the day:

YANKER SPANKERS!

Don't ask me why I just thought it sounded funny!

Things that smell like...

picture this...

room full of patients...

Scarecrow the smoker having a coughing fit...

Scarecrow farting loudly infront of all those patient's because she was having a coughing fit...

yeah, it happened...

The Price of Pickles!

OZ
Today is Friday the 13th and opposite of opposites I’m having a GREAT DAY!
Yes, I know its shocking cuz the 3 of you that tune in are used to me bitching and moaning but today started with a laugh and I just hope it continues that way.
I had my meeting with Oz and he was in a jovial mood (I’m thinking it’s cuz he’s already picturing himself on his Yacht catching all those poor little fishies). He said he had so much fishing gear in his truck that people would think he was an industrial fisherman. He then asked me if I wanted to go look at his fishing rod…

Now now people! Stop being so gutter-minded! Glynda was there too, so it wasn’t supposed to be inappropriate but it just sounded so damn bad that the imp in me couldn’t resist a dead pan stare, I looked him straight in the eye and said ‘Umm yeah, umm no thank you…?’
He just busted out laughing and said to Glynda ‘I don’t think she appreciates the fine art of fishing!’

It’s always amazing to me how people with money (and I'm talking about tons of cash here) are so far removed from us everyday common folk. Why would I want to look at a piece of fishing equipment that probably cost more than my car? Jeez, could the difference in our social standing be more evident than that?

It cracks me up when he’s telling a story about Hawaii or Europe and then asks me ‘Have you been?’ Yeah every other weekend I take my Lear Jet to my private chalet in Europe where I go have tea with Queen Horseface and I surf the waves of Hawaii the other weekends.
I don’t mind the fact that I haven’t “been” but I don’t like the way he looks at me like he feels sad for me.
It’s ok. Husband Andy and I will go one day, we’re just waiting to be a little more financially stable.
Maybe I should ask him ‘Dude, have you been to Taco Burrito King on Belmont and Long?’ And then look at him with pity when he hasn’t.

Man, now I want Taco Burrito King!! Andy, if you’re reading this please please can we have TBK? I know it gives me the runs and then I can’t eat anything for 2 days but the heart burn and indigestion is worth it!

As for Milton… I just want to quote Tom Hanks in a League of Their Own (awesome movie by the way)
‘Are you crying…? Is she…? are you CRYING?! There’s no CRYING in baseball!’

She chose to ignore what happened and is acting like nothing.

Me, I don’t function that way because things fester and then they get eaten by worms so I’ve been giving her my patented “you-over-reacted-but-I-have-to-work-with-your-babyass-but-I-only-have-to-put-up-with-you-until-3-today-because-then-I-get-to-go-home-and-work-on-my-garden-and-just-dig-holes-in-my-yard-making-believe-it’s-your-head” look.

Let me know if you’d like a picture of this look and I’ll send it to you. I can’t post it because it’s sooo scary it might make people jump out of 3rd story windows. I'm not supposed to talk about that due to a pending lawsuit.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Hi I'm Bee And I'm a BITCH!


After much thought I have decided I no longer feel like shit for making Milton cry.

Here's the scoop:
I had forewarned everybody that I had a busy day today. I said I have to do this that the other and prepare for my weekly meeting with the Wizard of Oz scheduled for 7:30 in the morning cuz he wanted to go fishing right after work. Yes, that's right fishing!

Milton is my supposed friend and she "sympathizes" with me regarding all the crap I have to do so you'd figure she would be the first to give me space right? Nope!

She has this soft little girl voice that when she's nagging at you, might as well be Chinese water torture or that whole thing where they stick bamboo up your fingernails.

At 9:30 she says 'I was wondering if you could give me this report when you run them later so that I can work on it.' I said sure no problem.

At like 11 she wanted help working on something that was the Cowardly Lions domain and I told her I was not gonna get involved.

At 12:30 she says 'don't forget, I need that report' I said 'as soon as I separate them I'll give it to you.' Meanwhile I'm thinking if she tells me about the report one more time I'm gonna flip out.

At 1:30 she stands behind me while I'm in the middle of (I'm not kidding here) stacks of charts, reports and paper, training Dorothy and says in her little girl voice a-la the old lady from Poltergeist. 'I really hate to bother you...' I said 'then don't, can it wait til Monday?' She walked dejectedly away but this didn't make her cry I could have understood if this made her cry but no... for some reason this was an acceptable response...

Dorothy leaves at 3 so I left the rest of the reports for tomorrow since she needed to be there so I could show her what to do.

At 4:05 Milton says Poltergeist lady voice again 'I know you guys got far on the reports and I was wondering if you had the report I asked for...?'

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!
I said 'It is on my priority list for TOMORROW!'
Her: 'why would it be on your priority list it's not that important'

Ladies and gentlemen... do you see what I have to deal with here? SHE SAID IT WASN'T IMPORTANT! She has the balls to sit there giving me a 'you're being silly' look!

Now a stronger woman probably would have shrugged and just had a nice big drag from the peace pipe but as I have pointed out... I HAVE VIOLENT TENDENCIES!

I mentally rolled up my sleeves and said: 'you have reminded me 3 times about the report...' she cut me off
Her: 'fine, I won't say anything again' in a huffy Poltergeist voice
Me: 'I don't need to keep being reminded...' cut off again
Her: 'you mean you remember everything? fine I won't ever remind you of anything ever again!'

At this point somebody walked in so I couldn't continue as soon as the person left I started again but I had myself somewhat under control (somewhat).
Me: 'what I'm trying to say...' CUT THE FUCK OFF AGAIN!!
Her: ' Bee, just drop it! Can't you just drop it!?' As she is stomping out of the room crying...

I sat there stunned because as I have admitted I have a habit of reducing grown women to tears. I don't try to make them cry. And I was mistaken cuz my tally is 5 grown woman and three younger ones because I forgot I also made the Purple Dino-SOUR cry earlier this year and another chick that I didn't see cry but they told me about.
So yeah, as I said I originally felt like shit but then when I replayed everything in my head, I thought 'wait a second what the hell did I do?' She was on my ass! Knowing all the shit I had to do that day. Her priorities are not my priorities. I have to do my work as it is important to me because Oz accepts no excuses. Then she tells me the report isn't that important...?

What the Hell! I think I should rename everyone after Alice In Wonderland characters cuz they're all definitely on something!


In order to save my sanity you're all welcome to send a monetary contribution. Just let me know and I'll send you info for my address.

Okay short funny story.

We had our office meeting today and we were discussing how Purple Dino-SOUR’s work is being done. Then Scarecrow says ‘well I hope Oz doesn’t decide to eliminate her cuz her work is being done without her.’
NO ONE SAID A WORD…
YOU COULD HERE THE ‘CHIRP CHIRP’ OF CRICKETS IT GOT SO QUIET.
I was expecting the PD brigade to be like ‘no, we can’t exist without her!’ but no one came to her rescue not even Glynda!

Watch out PD cuz the jig is up!

Okay as I’m typing this I made Milton cry.

Yup I sure did! I feel like dog shit eaten by a pig and then the pig took a shit and it was eaten by a bird and the bird took a shit and then it was eaten by another dog and then the dog took a shit. Yup! Now I have 4 older ladies to my count that I have made cry. So the tally is 4 older ladies and 2 young ladies.

More on that later.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Busy Busy Busy


So this is were I stand. Upon doing Purple Dino-SOUR’s work I have come across many many many errors. She also has not been DOING some of the things she’s supposed to. I have let Glynda know and have made a couple of suggestions. Like firing her frosted head but unfortunately it’s all up to the “man behind the curtain”.

Since Glynda knows I’ve been working my butt off (oh how I wish it was a literal statement) and to keep the peace she has let me know she is working on getting me a bonus for all my hard work.

At first I was like Yippee! but then upon tackling the excitement and beating it up a little, I thought back to a fellow blogger’s post who made an excellent point about band-aids.
While a bonus would be a great thing to get, in the long run a raise would be better. Here is my dilemma: do I accept the “bird in the hand”? Or do I buy a whacking stick and go after the “2 in the bush”?

Since I have violent tendency… I’m leaning towards the 2 in the bush but if he doesn’t give me a raise… I’m not gonna lie to you, it’ll make me really angry!

He had already made a decision this year that there would be no raises and since our raise last year consisted of pennies I was like whatever, in a year I’ll ask him for a $3 raise and if he doesn’t give it to me I’ll start looking for another job. The reason I set next year as a time frame is because Husband Andy and I will be a little more financially stable next year in case it takes me a couple of months to find something else.

So peeps, should I accept a bonus with quite dignity or should I choke hold a raise form the Wizard of Oz?????

My more cautious better half will say to stick to the bonus I bet.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Back to work!

So I had a dream last night that my desk was nice and shiny and there was nothing on it. I remember standing over my desk thinking ‘what the heck am I gonna do for 8 hours?!’ I woke up and started getting ready to come to work. Believe it or not I was looking forward to it!
This is what I came back to...











And there was stuff on my chair too but I had to move it to sit down. I cracked my knuckles and buckled in!

And just so you know The Purple Dino-Sour has not returned to work. Has she been fired you ask? Nope! Who's still repsonsible for her stuff? Yup, it's me! That's okay I'll just take it one thing at a time.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

America The Beautiful


Oh beautiful, for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!

America! America! God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea.
Oh beautiful, for pilgrims' feet
Whose stern, impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness!

America! America! God mend thine ev'ry flaw;
Confirm thy soul in self control, thy liberty in law!
Oh beautiful, for heroes proved
In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved
And mercy more than life!

America! America! May God thy gold refine,
'Til all success be nobleness, and ev'ry gain divine!
Oh beautiful, for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years,
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!

America! America! God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea!
One of my favorite songs!!