Thursday, July 12, 2007

Hi I'm Bee And I'm a BITCH!

After much thought I have decided I no longer feel like shit for making Milton cry.

Here's the scoop:
I had forewarned everybody that I had a busy day today. I said I have to do this that the other and prepare for my weekly meeting with the Wizard of Oz scheduled for 7:30 in the morning cuz he wanted to go fishing right after work. Yes, that's right fishing!

Milton is my supposed friend and she "sympathizes" with me regarding all the crap I have to do so you'd figure she would be the first to give me space right? Nope!

She has this soft little girl voice that when she's nagging at you, might as well be Chinese water torture or that whole thing where they stick bamboo up your fingernails.

At 9:30 she says 'I was wondering if you could give me this report when you run them later so that I can work on it.' I said sure no problem.

At like 11 she wanted help working on something that was the Cowardly Lions domain and I told her I was not gonna get involved.

At 12:30 she says 'don't forget, I need that report' I said 'as soon as I separate them I'll give it to you.' Meanwhile I'm thinking if she tells me about the report one more time I'm gonna flip out.

At 1:30 she stands behind me while I'm in the middle of (I'm not kidding here) stacks of charts, reports and paper, training Dorothy and says in her little girl voice a-la the old lady from Poltergeist. 'I really hate to bother you...' I said 'then don't, can it wait til Monday?' She walked dejectedly away but this didn't make her cry I could have understood if this made her cry but no... for some reason this was an acceptable response...

Dorothy leaves at 3 so I left the rest of the reports for tomorrow since she needed to be there so I could show her what to do.

At 4:05 Milton says Poltergeist lady voice again 'I know you guys got far on the reports and I was wondering if you had the report I asked for...?'

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!
I said 'It is on my priority list for TOMORROW!'
Her: 'why would it be on your priority list it's not that important'

Ladies and gentlemen... do you see what I have to deal with here? SHE SAID IT WASN'T IMPORTANT! She has the balls to sit there giving me a 'you're being silly' look!

Now a stronger woman probably would have shrugged and just had a nice big drag from the peace pipe but as I have pointed out... I HAVE VIOLENT TENDENCIES!

I mentally rolled up my sleeves and said: 'you have reminded me 3 times about the report...' she cut me off
Her: 'fine, I won't say anything again' in a huffy Poltergeist voice
Me: 'I don't need to keep being reminded...' cut off again
Her: 'you mean you remember everything? fine I won't ever remind you of anything ever again!'

At this point somebody walked in so I couldn't continue as soon as the person left I started again but I had myself somewhat under control (somewhat).
Me: 'what I'm trying to say...' CUT THE FUCK OFF AGAIN!!
Her: ' Bee, just drop it! Can't you just drop it!?' As she is stomping out of the room crying...

I sat there stunned because as I have admitted I have a habit of reducing grown women to tears. I don't try to make them cry. And I was mistaken cuz my tally is 5 grown woman and three younger ones because I forgot I also made the Purple Dino-SOUR cry earlier this year and another chick that I didn't see cry but they told me about.
So yeah, as I said I originally felt like shit but then when I replayed everything in my head, I thought 'wait a second what the hell did I do?' She was on my ass! Knowing all the shit I had to do that day. Her priorities are not my priorities. I have to do my work as it is important to me because Oz accepts no excuses. Then she tells me the report isn't that important...?

What the Hell! I think I should rename everyone after Alice In Wonderland characters cuz they're all definitely on something!

In order to save my sanity you're all welcome to send a monetary contribution. Just let me know and I'll send you info for my address.


  1. stop making all those poor people cry !

  2. I thought I had a slightly evil nature!!! You feel like shit for a while but then you don't because you KNOW you were right!! I love your work stories!!

  3. oh yeah....take a drag on the virtual peace pipe, I won't tell....=====~~~

  4. Dan:
    I know there's a pattern but I stick to the "it's not me, it's them" theory. It's worked for me so far...

    We are always right everyone around us is wrong! :o)
    Yeah a nice drag sounds good about now!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.