Things I learned while on my deathbed part DEUX.

Isn’t it amazing how I can milk a 24-ish hour stomach flu?

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Anyway… as much as I love my hub-bub, I’ve come to the conclusion that when I’m sick, I’d rather sleep alone. Not only for my sake but for his too, you know it’s not like me to be selfish!
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The night of my near death experience, I kept tossing and turning unable to find a comfortable position and bumping into pointy knees and elbows didn’t help the situation one little bit.
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Then, each time I got up to endure the most horrible pain imaginable, (nay-sayers shush! I don’t want to hear about your root canals! Maybe you shouldn’t eat so much crap and brush your teeth more often!) Andy would ask me if I was okay.
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While I appreciate the concern now, at that moment in time, I wanted to inform him I just broke 3 ribs and suffered a concussion but otherwise every thing was peaches and cream.
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All I wanted to do, and did once he left for work the next morning, was alternately lie in the fetal position and the starfish position bemoaning my fate.
I mean… what? You don’t know what the starfish position is? That’s when you lie in the middle of the bed with your arms and legs outstretched touching each corner of the mattress (since I’m short, I can either touch the top 2 corners or bottom 2 corners, never both at the same time… no, I can't really but I pretend I can). It’s the same position of making a snow angel, got it? Good!
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Anywho… Love Ya Babe but maybe we should think about buying a sofa-sleeper, price is no object since I’d like you to be super comfy.

**SIDE NOTE***

Andy's suggestion for feeling better.

"I think you should eat a big piece of steak. Something that will take a while to digest not something soupy that's easier to come back up."

---Right because I want to choke on a big piece of steak as it makes it's way back up my esophagus! Good going Dr. Andy!

Meanwhile (the next day) back at the office,
I was treated like a pariah!

It had its benefits since people didn’t want to be in the same room as me in case my bubonic plague infected them too.

I coughed allot, on purpose since it’s not one of my symptoms.

The only bad thing about that was that each fake cough caused excruciating- debilitating-grinding-your-teeth rib pain.

The things one must endure to rattle the bat cages.

Conversation with attorney labeled:

“Not your dog”

Attorney: [angry. surprised?]
It’s about time I get a return call! I left you 5 messages since Wednesday.

Bee: [polite. surprised?]
I apologize, I was out of the office until today. Regarding- [cut off]

Attorney:
Is there nobody else that handles these issues when you’re not there? Sometimes we need an answer right away!

Bee: [still polite, slowly losing IT!]
You’ve left the messages on my voicemail, not the company voicemail. No one checks my voice mail except me. Regarding- [cut off]

Attorney:
You should develop a system! Have your messages forwarded somewhere so you know to call them back right away!

Bee: [LOST IT!]
Oh, okay. Be at people’s beck and call you mean? Sure no problem I’ll bill my time the same way you do!
Now, did you or did you not want info on this account? How about you call me back when you're ready to talk business instead of WASTING MY TIME TELLING ME HOW MUCH TIME YOU'VE WATSED WAITING FOR MY CALL!

[I hang up, risky move you say? but there's a payoff. 30 seconds later my phone rings.]

Attorney: [nice]

Can you please tell me what the open balance on this account is?

Bee: [nicer]

I'd be happy to.

PHUCKER!