Thursday, December 13, 2007

Just take me Anti-Literally!

It seems I need to clear up a couple of things in our relationship.
You see, you have a literal mind where as mine is... scatter-no random-no.
Let's just call it Anti-Literal.
As soon as you accept me for me, we will learn to talk to each other in a civilized manner without me having to lose my voice from screaming into my pillow at night. Deal?

Here are some examples:
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*When I say ‘I’m starving to death’—No, not really. I’d be able to hibernate every winter and survive just on stored body fat…
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*When I say ‘I freakin' had a million Margaritas!’—No, not really. I could try but probably would pass out after 100…
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*When I say ‘My car smells like it was used by $2 hookers!’—That one is iffy since sometimes I do rent it out to some hookers, I just don’t know how much they charge.
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*When I say ‘I was doing 150 miles an hour on my way to work’—No way is this true, my car only does about 90-95-ish.
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*When I say ‘Blech! This tastes like dog crap!’—I’ve never tasted dog crap (while conscience).
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*When I say ‘I twisted his arm into saying yes’—No no no, not really. I never ever use violence as a form of torture to make people agree with me.
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*When I say ‘It’s so windy I just saw a house fly by!’—I guess if I was living in Kansas it could happen but if a house flew by my window, you'd see my back end hightailing it out the back door, I wouldn't stop to say anything.
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*When I say ‘Shut the hell up before I beat you!’—Well… that one could be taken literally.
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Does this make me a liar?
No, it does not.
Should you take me seriously?
Yes.
If you have any you'd like to add, be my guest.
Alrighty, let's move on!


So... tonight is my staff office party. Just the rabid bats in their Snowman/Santa/Reindeer sweaters and their Holiday jewelry.

I had PD in the secret Santa. I, of course, went all out and bought her socks! [Woohoo!! SOCKS!]
I also don't have wrapping paper... I'm currently walking around looking for something I can use. I wish I was as crafty as jean knee...
What?
Why don't I go buy some before work? Nah... that would make me late(er)!
Cross your fingers they give me good blogging material cuz that's the only thing I'm looking forward to.

19 comments:

  1. Uses for Old Magazines # 1:

    Wrapping Paper!

    Problem solved.

    I'd say have a great time, but as you point out that would be hopeless blogging-wise...

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  2. what??? didn't you already have to suffer through the indignity of an office party already?? they are making you do it again??

    I .... . am....so ....sorry

    I miss seeing all those festive Holiday sweaters and huge santa earrings all over the dang place.
    the more obnoxious teachers had enough to wear a new holiday ensemble every day in Dec.

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  3. knocked up 7 times mamaDecember 13, 2007 at 8:51 AM

    don't try to beat me, Bee. I am way out of your league--I play bunco!
    and have five Holiday sweaters with matching socks, sweet!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Newspaper!

    I have missed like 5,003 of your posts :P

    ReplyDelete
  5. ANTI-LITERALNESS HAS MILTON WRITTEN ALL OVER IT!
    im gonna take it literally that you tasted dog crap while passed out. was it after 100 margaritas when you were laying face down in someones dog crap infested yard? these $2 dollar hookers do you at least know what theyll do? ‡o)

    i hope your party goes good and you still have all your hair when you leave. ‡o)

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  6. let me know about the hookers cus as a student i dont have too much extra money to spend. 2 bucks sounds like a reasonable price!

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  7. but you do get what you pay for i dont want end up with the archibald of hookers! let me think about it.

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  8. Great Site! Learned something new! Please review me at www.geibview.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. the eye:
    Well then I did soemthing wrong if you learned something.

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  10. brian:
    I’m ashamed to say I didn’t even have tape! ::blushing::

    jean knee:
    I work with a bunch of ninny muggin scrooges. More on that tomorrow.

    knocked up:
    If we’re battling as to who has the most pain endurance, you’re right, you win.

    NCS:
    That’s okay, I know you’ll stay up all night to catch up… right?

    BD:
    Yeah, Milton! :o)
    Drunken Dog crap:
    No comment.
    $2 whores:
    If they’re just bald, you’re ahead of the game.
    Party:
    I’ve made the decision to boycott next years.

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  11. BD- forget about it, it's gonna cost you $2.00 to catch something that'll take a $50.00 antibiotic to get rid of

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  12. FIFTY DOLLARS?????? sounds like you know where im coming from!

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  13. dont go to the eye link thing it tried to redirect me. i was hoping to porn but no such luck.

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  14. Can't wait to hear/read about the office party...

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  15. You should put the gift in a box and papier mache over the top and make it look like a purple dinosaur.

    Don't forget a tag to read SOX GODDESS!

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  16. I moved up from 230 something to 66. I guess that's progress. :(

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  17. I hope they play naked bunco at your holiday party. That'll give you something to blog about.

    ReplyDelete

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.