Holidays, you've pushed me over the edge...

It has been Hell here at the Asylum. Why, you ask? Oh, you didn't ask...?

Okay.

.

The following are 2 simple suggestions to drive a coworker batty-er.
As I’ve told you all, Milton is… obsessive compulsive about EVERYTHING. Waste is one of the things that irks her more than words can describe.
She’ll take home hard stale coffee cake, moldy cheese, slimy turkey/ham (hungry yet?) etc.
She’ll use her pencil to the last sliver of lead.
One time Glynda was going to throw out some diet coke that had been sitting in a 2 liter container for months, she took it home to drink with her dinner. Then admitted she didn’t even like diet coke.
Anyway, to amuse myself, I did the following things to see what reactions I would get.

How to drive a tight wad insane:
1)
I had a penny that had seen better days so I said out loud
“Gross! I’m throwing this penny away cuz it’s icky!” I swiveled around to throw it out in the waste basket behind my desk.
It took Milton half a second to get out of her chair and kneeling by my garbage can!!

She shouted (literally SHOUTED!) “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON’T THROW IT OUT!” and proceeded to dig thru my garbage can to find the elusive penny.
Elusive why?

Because I threw a paperclip in the garbage and not the penny.
What am I stupid?

A penny is a penny and if you have 100 that makes a dollar, if you have 1,000 that makes… hold on a second 1 x 1,000 = 1,000 carry the decimal point… $10.00?? TEN DOLLARS for a minute there I almost got carried away and moved the decimal point to the right! ::phew!:: Uh, yeah... what was I saying?? --
.

She went thru every little piece of folded paper to find that penny, mumbling the whole time. I had to ask her to move twice because she was in my way. She finally had to give up and take her sad dejected body back to her desk… poor Milton.
Did she ever dream her life would end up at the bottom of my garbage can? Probably not but that’s what she gets for not ordering me my coke last Thursday.
.

Boundaries

2)
Put a makeshift parameter around your desk with this sign:
Unfortunately, I used the weird holey thingys from our printer until I can come up with something more sturdy.

I kept calling Milton and asking her questions knowing she was dying to stand an inch away from my shoulder but was unable to because of my perforated paper fence.

She would take a step forward then slowly back away. I will call it the “OCD Shuffle” Step forward, hemhaw, do a little shake, back away-back away.
But!

We, as a human race, learn to adapt to situations/surroundings. She finally figured out a specific spot where she could stand and point her long ET finger at the papers in front of me. She is the smarter of the bats, I’m so proud of her!
.
**Remember! Once you start feeling sorry for them, it stops being funny!**
.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Ladies and gents, let's not forget this is the season to love and forgive your fellow man, woman and other.
Those that have aggrieved you will be enjoying the Holiday celebration while you’re fermenting your anger.
This is my Orpa moment:
I suggest you go to them. Ask for a moment of their time. Get close enough for a hug. Yeah, that’s it! Get closer and…
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

WHAM!!! BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM!!
If they fall while you’re beating them, don’t be afraid to use your feet.

That is the only way you can spread the pain of the season and in return make yourself feel joy! Love, Bee.

FALL LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LAAAAAA!

<--This is for Andy

Nobody takes Chuck Norris' cookies!