It all started with me running late as per usual. They'd already started morning meeting so I caught the last words of Cowardly Lion volunteering us to take on more of Purple Dino-SOUR's workload.
I hadn't even finished punching in when I was already telling everybody they could go to H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS!
I was very uh... clear as to my feelings and the fact that OZ didn't want to pay me more and he didn't want PD to work more hours.
I believe the phrase "He can kiss my ass!" made it into morning meeting for the first time EVER! And if it was said before, it was probably said by me.
Anyway, this set the tone for everybody declaring war on their fellow human being. CL took it personally and started her passive aggressive rampage while I shook my little Elf pin that Natalia gave me at everybody and would laugh like a lunatic when it's legs did a jig!
THE MILTON SAGA:
On to the important business of ordering the dinner for our party.
Since we were paying for it ourselves, we decided that the most economical way to go would be to order pizza. Easy enough you say? You obviously are not familiar with The Asylum.
First we had to fill out some paperwork.
Milton then entered all information into an excel grid and cross referenced to see who was compatible with who.
I was "lucky" enough to have Milton and Glynda as my sharers of delicious Giordano's pizza.
On to the next step right? No. Milton decided she wanted to order enough for her lunch/dinner tomorrow for her and her husband and order a ginormous one. I had to put my foot down (on her face) and tell her a medium would do.
SHE THEN PULLED OUT A RULER TO EXPLAIN WHAT THE DIAMETER OF THE PIZZA WOULD BE!!!
I know what you're thinking right now, "oh, that Bee and her silly tales!"
I wish I was making this stuff up I really do...
Luckily, Glynda agreed with me so she was outvoted.
We'll come back to Milton later.
THE COWARDLY LION SAGA:
I innocently went to ask her if she wanted to get coffee while I watched the phones.
I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERYBODY ALWAYS FEELS SORRY FOR PD!!!
No coffee then. [I walked away]
She wastes so much time and nobody cares!! I refuse to feel pity for her!!
Bee: [I come back]
Would you rather we felt sorry for you??
[Throws stuff around but there's silence]
After that exchange, whenever she would walk anywhere she would stomp around. Then I saw the most heartbreaking thing ever... SHE REMOVED HER JINGLE BELL NECKLACE!
I could picture her slamming it on her desk saying, "Screw this, I'm not going to be happy today!" Cuz we all know happiness lies in jingle bells!
Poor poor CL...
THE SCARECROW SAGA:
She sadly missed morning meeting. She said it was because of the trains that got in her way but from the smell of her I think she imagined the trains as she exercised her drinking arm. It's sad but true folks, she reeked of booze and cigarettes!
Anyway, she had called Glynda and said she'd prefer to order from some other restaurant but she would go with the majority. The majority wanted pizza but for some reason Scarecrow did not know the true meaning of "majority rules" and threw a tantrum that would make a 2 year old proud.
"Guaaa I don't want pizza! I wanted a beef sandwich!"
But you can order a beef sandwich from Giordano's
"I don't like it from Giordano's!! Guaa Guaa!"
Toto finally convinced her to have pizza and gave her her pacifier full of booze.
THE MILTON SAGA:
Her final grid was done, she was ready to order when I say.
"Can you order me a soda?"
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING!??!?!?
Well that will complicate the order!
What? What is so complicated? Do you need me to type it into your grid??
I already added everything and know how much everyone owes... I'd hhh-ave to uh... add the... not sure how much it...
FORGET IT!! Why do you have to make EVERYTHING so difficult?!
I suppose I can...
DON'T DO ME ANY FAVORS!!
THE BEE SAGA:
I walked over to Glynda's office closed the door and said,
"I will not participate in next years office party! These ladies are beyond ridiculas! Look at my pin! It's sad now. It's not doing anymore jigs! I was in a good mood for shitsake! And soda complicates the order? How much is it? $1.50? CL thinks she's ruler of the universe, and Scarecrow is making me high just standing next to her! You know, she's probably on to something! Maybe I should go have some bonding moments with her while I guzzle some vodka!"
Glynda was of no help since she was laughing her over-caffeinated butt off at my tragedy.
THE CHRISTMAS TREE SAGA:
Nah, it didn't have a saga but this ginormous tree puts Archibald the Ugly to shame... ;o)
My sock gift was hypocritically received! Okay, I also gave her a fancy necklace. I found a box for the crap I gave her at the last minute but I had to take out my snowglobe... :o(
What did I get you ask, well... I got a used book. Yup! Used. CL got me in the secret Santa and even though the limit was $15, I got 'Marley and Me' along with some coffee stains and crinkled pages. The book mark looked new though so that about evens it out right?
Oh yeah, we also managed to get some work done but not much! On to plan my revenge for ruining My Jiggy Elf's Happy Christmas Dinner. He didn't even enjoy the pizza! It gave him heartburn...
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM GLYNDA AND THE BATS!
Left to right.
Toto, CL, Milton, Scarecrow, PD, Glynda.