Monday, November 19, 2007

The Day I Wore Purple Pants!

No, that's not a typo. I'm sure one of you out there in blogland will crow about how that's another sign of old age. You know who you are!
Anyway, I have a pair of old comfy out-of-style purplish sweatpants made out of a terry-ish cloth. I usually use 'em as my winter pajamas but this morning I thought "You know what? They're comfy and I've got to go grocery shopping so I'm wearing them out! If anybody thinks I'm weird they can go screw themselves!" (in case you're wondering, I wasn't in a very sunshiny mood.)(I know that shocks you)
First, I had breakfast where my beloved husband Andy says this to me:
"If I had to decide which one of you was a villain or a superhero, you would be the villain." We had been talking about how much I disliked this annoying person whom I cannot name and he called her my arch nemesis. I responded by saying that she was not worthy of being my arch nemesis because they had to at least have half of the hero's brain power. That's when he said the above.
Now, normally I love being the villain! I eat it up with my bare little hands!
In this case it pissed me off because if she were the hero and heroes always win, I would be the defeated villain.
Ummmn, NO!
I smacked him then blamed it on the purple pants.
(Don't you just love the intellectual interaction my spouse and I have?)
The grocery store was packed of course!
Everybody and their momma needed to do their Holiday food shopping. Oh well, what can you do right?
Well, for starters don't stand in the middle of the freakin aisle while people are trying to get thru with their shopping carts. While I was getting some chopped pecans, a lady started talking to me like we were buddies so we bonded over the inconsiderate assholes who don't know shopping etiquette! I blamed talking to a stranger on the purple pants.
After the grocery shopping was done, we had to go to two stores to find a buffet table that went on sale Sunday but nobody seemed to know what we were talking about. Blamed that on... well the ignorance of employees who would rather be rude than do their job even if they're getting paid. Purple Pants Purple Pants.
We then got stuck by a train, followed by another train. I blamed that on... Andy cuz he could have taken another way home. Purple Purple Purple Pants.
We bought a nice Veggie Lasagna to put in the oven for dinner. I had forgotten that the last time we used the oven was when we made French Toast Casserole which leaked all over the oven.
I'd made a mental note to clean it before I used the oven again. Well, my mental PDA must be on the fritz cuz after the lasagna was in the oven for half an hour, I noticed the light in the kitchen looked hazy.
I opened the oven and it was like I had just sprayed water on a bonfire! Smoke everywhere! Being the trooper I am, I stuck my hand in the hot hot oven and wiped off the icky drippings, I've always said I'm a danger in the kitchen...
But it technically wasn't my fault, I blame the...
What do you think? Are they bad luck or am I overreacting? Doesn't matter now I guess cuz I've decided to banish the purple pants back to the place they belong! They will go back to being my Purple Pajama Pants.
I just hope they don't give me nightmares! :o{
Aren't you glad you tuned into my rant? Are you sitting there right now thinking. "WTF! Who gives a crap about purple pants?"
Yeah, I'm thinking that too but I've already typed this up, there is no freakin' way I'm deleting and starting over! And since I'm still wearing the purple pants, we can blame my lack of inspiration on them.
Did you know there's a website that sells nothing but purple clothing and accesories? Yeah, I was shocked too! I think that must be where Purple Dino-SOUR shops. !!!!!!!!!!!


  1. Purple certainly seems to be a popular "women's" colour these days.

    You wore those trousers because of your mood, and it was your mood that led to the other mishaps.

    So it's all your fault! Which makes you the villain, right?

    But just like Superman doesn't actually need his ridiculous suit when he's in superhero mode, you don't actually need purple.

    But if you're going to be a villain, you need an evil outfit.

    "By day she's the mild mannered Bee [poetic licence], little do her friends and colleagues know of her Supervillain alter ego, the Purple Peril, preaching her vile ethos of intolerance and the virtues of terry cloth."

  2. I'm thinking Brian may have read your blog a time or two--nail on the head and all.

    WTF???? You and Andy shop together????? no no no no
    never do that, I have been married almost 16 years (Jan 2) and owe success to never entering a grocery together.

    I love blame and shall do a post on it soon..... cliff hanger here........

  3. brian:
    I love the Villain name "Purple Peril"! but I dislike the color purple... Maroon or Red are more my colors so maybe:
    Red Ravager-ess
    Maroon Mauler-ess

    Whadda ya think? :o)

    jean knee:
    Hold on to your socks! Are you ready?
    Andy usually does the grocery shopping on his own.
    The man has many faults like, calling me a villain, not "getting" my sense of humor, watching Sci-Fi movies... but he does the grocery shopping and laundry so I'm counting my blessings! ;o)

    Can't wait for the blame post.
    I hope you blame Brian for everything. That's what I'm gonna do next since I retired the purple "trousers".

  4. I wanted to rag on the use of the word "trousers" but I held back. thanx for takin up the slack.

    I really think many marriages end in divorce due to shopping outings

  5. Shopping:

    My ex-wife and I used to shop together quite often, and that had nothing to do with our marriage braking up.

    Men are so much better at it than women, though - it's the hunter gatherer instinct. They go in with surgical military-like precision, get the grub and retreat.

    Women on the other hand spend 10 minutes looking at different types of baked beans, then get the same one they always buy.

  6. brian:
    Are you callin' Andy gay???!!
    Cuz that's what he does and I'm the one that just wants to go in find said crap then leave.
    He, on the other hand, likes to look at weird things such as clam juice!

    [--not that there's anything wrong with it!--]

  7. Erm, no... The problem with sweeping generalisations is that they're always wrong ;-)

  8. Clam juice - that's pretty bad, though... I wonder what Freud would say? perhaps he's just compensating for your masculine shopping tendencies...

  9. Ha!
    I think Andy has come to terms with my non femininity.
    Hopefully. Right?
    I mean, I’m so freakin adorable, that balances out my masculinity right?

    Hello? [hello hello]
    Is there anybody in there?
    Just nod if you can hear me.
    Is there anyone home?

  10. I do the grocery shopping, laundry, occasional cooking & cleaning, go to work every day, don't like to shave or use moisturizing lotion, play video games & I can balance a check book.....

    No i'm not gay .....



  11. Babe, nobody's calling you gay... unless you think that cuz I'm such a guy.

    Um... cooking? What cooking? You mean that one time about 5.5 years ago?

    What does ".|.." mean???

  12. [--not that there's anything wrong with it!--]

  13. .|.. = the finger

    And as far as clam juice goes, sometimes finding the grossest thing you can find in a grocery store is just fun.

  14. ::sigh:: You know how you're always sayin' you don't swear or do obscene things as much as I say you do?
    Now I have proof.
    I will no longer defend you against the evil trolls that are always kicking you out of their "quests"
    :op <- me sticking my tongue out.

  15. I hope no one is offended by my finger symbol I think its funny & if you don't I apologize. Its not even mine I stole it from some dude that typed it in Canada. Before it was just ^%#$#^&$$%$^&%^%^* & stuff like that. To get around the filters and such.

    and I don't think I ever said I don't swear, just that I don't as much as you say. :)


    bee, wuz up with purpura pants? ah ah ah! shaking my head.

  17. BD:
    You are such a trouble maker! To quote Andy "^%#$#^&$$%$^&%^%^*"

  18. I have been known to look at the tins of goose fat in the supermarket and wonder...

  19. every time I leave the house you guys have fun without me.

  20. andy- I like the finger symbol, I shall steal it and use it as my own

  21. oh yeah, Pink Floyd rocks.
    there is no pain you are receding

  22. There is nothing wrong with taking extra time to "explore" the supermarket!
    Andy, I totally agree wth you, sometimes it's just "fun" AND you really never know if you'll ever need anything "weird"--at least you'll know where to find it. I've actually purchased clam juice two times already!

    Just yesterday, I was observing the frozen rabbits and chitterlings (is that how you spell it?) at the grocery store-weird!

    Love the "middle finger" dots, I too might steal that, Andy...

  23. brian:
    You should use the goose fat on the GBC, I mean it's already gross...

    jean knee:
    Awesome! You got PF reference. That cements our coolness.

    You've bought clam juice twice??? Please tell me it wasn't in something I ate. Please don't ever feed me rabbit.

  24. frozen rabbits !!!?
    I've never seen no frozen rabbits at the store.
    What's next cats ? yummy !
    I told you Esmeralda was too expereminty for me.

  25. Dan, in this case I would have to agree!!!
    Did you know she ate crickets once?? ::blech!::

  26. don't have the details but I'm hoping she got stranded in the woods and the crickets were the only way she could survive.


  27. Nope. She bought them. They were seasoned in garlic.

  28. the "e" was to see if I remembered my password.

  29. I figured. The "i" was to stop myself from typing dork.

  30. She bought them ?
    Wre can I go to find some delicious garlic seasoned crickets ?
    Might I find Hanibal Lecter standing in line in front of me at the check out line behind Esmeralda ?
    You know, I've noticed Sergio has lost some weight since they got married.

  31. Probably one of those hippie stores. Yeah, if she's been feeding him Bugs Bunny and clam juice... :op

  32. I didn't even have to read this post to let you know that I love you, Bee. You commented on my 'mommy-blog' post without even batting an eye and you generally agree with me even when I post semi-serious stuff that can get pretty controversial and dramatic.

    I own a pair of black and white gingham pants with embroidered ladybugs all over the hems. Feel better now?

  33. I wrote this particularly delicious piece for a friend of mine about all the trials and travails that come from wearing elastic waistband pink pants.

    The pants are secretly mine and all things discussed were based on actual pink pant-inducing facts.

  34. And yes, what I'm wearing is a pretty good indicator as to how a day will go. Wear something geeky and your fate is pre-ordained to run into haughty women from church and any ex-boyfriend within a ten mile radius. Wear dirty panties and you will get into a car accident.

    Everything your mom says about making sure you wear clean panties when you leave your house is absolutely the truth!

  35. CLICKETY is better than PICKETY

    ~IHOP Aesop~

  36. I hate shopping, it frustrates me. I run in, pick up 15 different assorted items, all on my bare hands (no carts, baskets needed), pay with cash all in 3 minutes and 42 sec.

    I run out of there like running out of a burning building... without looking back...

    The Home Depot, Best Buy... now that's a different story....


  37. Aroogoogoola:
    Oh gosh and golly gee ::blushing::.
    Next thing you know we're gonna break out in song. I have a couple of suggestions.
    Dr. Evil's "Just the two of us" and Weird Al's "Taco Grande". ;o)

    Yeah, I figured... but what happens when you go with Es? DO you wait in the car while she looks at pig feet?

  38. I enjoyed your rant about your purple pants so please don't feel like it was a wasted of time.
    Your conversation with your husband sounds much like the ones I have with mine.
    And I love purple!
    This comment was kind of a waste of time since I said nothing profound and you already have 40 comments so you probably won't even read my comment but I've already typed it up so here you go.

  39. tracy:
    Comment read and appreciated.

    Yeah? Do you feel like you still haven't grown up sometimes? That's how we feel.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.