Things I wanted to do before I hit the big THREE FIVE that didn't happen:
Get a Tattoo-
It's looking like maybe early next year. Cross your fingers!
Be 2 inches taller without the help of shoes-
A girl can dream!
Lose 20 pounds-
It's harder than it sounds cuz I've been trying to lose those 20 pounds for a couple of years now and I have managed to find an extra 10!
Win the Lotto-
Reduce the office bat population by 100%-
I'd settle for 50% but considering there's 5 of them, that would mean I would have to get rid of 2.5 bats and I just don't know what half I'd like to keep. Their top half is obviously not working properly and... well, I choose to believe they don't have a bottom half.
Learn to speak the language of "Dumbass"-
This alone would not mean dumbasses could understand what I was saying but it might make things easier when I want to tell them they’re a bunch of morons!
.
Go on a camping trip with Jean Knee-
She keeps giving me wrong directions to her house, I don't know what that's about...!?
.
Ah well! There's always next year! ;o)
.
.
I will be reading the following at our weekly Thursday staff meeting.
.
Ladies, I will no longer take care of any child because their parent is being X-Rayed.
If any type of psych doctor were to analyze my mind they would agree that I am the last person in this office to be saddled with a child. This, however, is not the only reason. I choose not to be a babysitter. I have too many duties outside of my original job description, I choose not to add yet another. If you disagree with me and think I am being petty or unreasonable, I will gladly turn over one of my other duties to someone else in order to take on the roll of babysitter.
If one of you think you could do a better job at translating both here or in the hospital be my guest. If you one of you think you could negotiate and debate with attorneys, go for it. Let me know if you would like me to continue.
Thank you.
You may now applaud and bow if you like.
......
I'll let you guys know what happens.
Wow I'm first!! This is a first.
ReplyDeleteSend one of the bats to translate and they will probably speak real slow and REAL LOUD as if hispanics were not only dumb but deaf to. The craziness.
Darn it! i thought i would be first....next time.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing that you haven't accomplished the things on your list. That way you'll still have your list and you'll keep adding more things to it. You'll bee like the energizer bunny...
Taller:
ReplyDeleteOf course, you'll get shorter with age, so that 2 inches will become more. Can't Oz do an operation that will achieve that?
2.5 Perfect Murders:
ReplyDeleteYou really should start reading Agatha Christie...
... Oh and watching CSI - that way you can avoid the obvious pitfalls.
ReplyDeleteI'll give you some advice for free - don't leave your finger at the crime scene.
I saw this show once where they can separate your bones and put a stint in to makle you taller. of course this was used on midgets or dwarves or something (not that there is anything wrong with being diminutive) it looked horribly painful but now you know there are options.
ReplyDeletecamping should be reserved as a punishment for parents to use if their kids have poor grades.
ReplyDeleteenen with that pee cone thing it is still horrible and goes against nature
the bats would only be replaced by even more moronic bats plus you'd have to learn their names and really, who has time to waste doing that?
ReplyDeleteBee- brian is being unreasonable over on his blog
ReplyDeleteyou must do something while am away for my three hour ordeal at the beauty parlor
Jean Knee:
ReplyDeleteTaller operation: That's the kind of thing I had in mind - they do it to Ethan Hawke in Gattaca to make him the same height as Jude Law.
BEESY! you dont wantta cut them in half cuz theyd be 2 times more annoying! i though andyd put the kabash on the whole tattoo idea!!!
ReplyDeleteif you and jean knee go campin' let me know.
ReplyDeleteAnon:
ReplyDeleteHA! Yup! I've seen them do it here to other unfortunate souls that speak languages I don't.
esmeralda:
Yup, things to look forward to.
brian: X 3
Macabre Surgery:
OZ probably could but I will admit to any weakness around him. If I say I don’t like being short he’ll use that to destroy me! J/K It just sounds painful!
Macabre Reading:
I will.
Macabre Suggestion:
Right! Let me make a note now… ‘keep all severed fingers in my pocket’.
Thanks!
jean knee: X 4
Ouch!
Pee cone? What pee cone? I need to know more about it! ;op
Or they could be replaced with hunky Brad Pitt look-a-likes… yeah dreaming again!
I went I saw I fizzled.
brian:
Jude Law yummy… (sometimes)
BD:
HA! You’re right! I can picture them squirming like worms then growing another head!! ::shiver::
Camping:
You can be our bear bait.
Tattoo:
We’ll see.
Severed finger:
ReplyDeleteThere was a story recently about a guy who robbed a construction site, or something, and he got his finger caught and part of it was severed. I suppose in his panic to get to a hospital he forgot he'd left it there. Needless to say the police got him - better than a fingerprint...
ethan hawke wrote a couple of very good novels. one had Texas in it.
ReplyDeletedid you see that fruity pic of jude law-ewww
brian:
ReplyDeleteDumb people like that deserve to get caught.
jean knee:
What fruity picture?
BEE!!! (screaming hysterically)
ReplyDeletesomething unspeakable has happened
http://mascowbell.blogspot.com/2007/11/dont-stop-believin.htm
OH THE OUTRAGE!!!!!!!
Bee you are so good, you answer all your comments.
ReplyDeleteI want to be like you.
Minus the bats.
NCS:
ReplyDeleteWhy no bats? I can spare 2, come on 2 is nothing its half of four...
I pet donkeys on the way home today
ReplyDeletejean knee:
ReplyDeleteI heard about women like you, that do shows like those but I thought that it was just in Tijuana.
I thought B stood for Babysitter. No?
ReplyDeleteI know you're a closet Hootie and the Blowfish fan, aren't you? Hootie fans can never be trusted around small children. That music has been known to cause severe diarrhea in children and frequent outbreaks of chicken-neck dancing in adults....
ReplyDeleteDON'T GET A TATTOO BEE!!! I love you just the way you are. And so does Billy Joel.
ReplyDeleteI'll only approve you disfiguring yourself if it says Elastic Rocks or something equally nice. Papi says he wants to get one on his butt that looks like a Hecho En Mexico stamp.
Oh, and I took 2 pictures that I'm going to post on your birthday that summarizes who you are. TWO!!!
ReplyDeleteBats are flying rats.
ReplyDeleteFlying rats Bee!
:P
Elastic is making all kind of promises tonight. I'm expecting a lot from her now.
EWBL:
ReplyDeleteHootie and the Blow can suction themselves to uncomfortable parts of the body, but don't spread that rumour cuz I'm not 100% if it's true or not.
I hope it's not the picture of me downing a gallon of bacon grease cuz it was a one time only thing.
NCS:
Got it!
I'll send them over right away!